Why Asking for Help Matters (leadership vulnerabilities 3/5)

In our professional journeys, we inevitably encounter moments of uncertainty and challenge.  Though asking for help may initially feel daunting, it unveils many personal and organizational benefits.  Let’s explore the concerns, rewards, and strategies associated with seeking assistance in the workplace.

Concerns with Asking for Help:

1. We can Feel Self-Reliant.  If we are used to being self-sufficient, figuring things out, and getting all things done, suddenly feeling like we want or need assistance from others can be hard and feel humbling, challenging our sense of autonomy and competence.

2. It’s Uncomfortable.  There are social risks we can encounter in asking for help, we may fear rejection, and if we do need help and others do not help us, we can feel disappointed or even resentful if we have assisted in the past.  We also worry about our perception; we want to look good and competent.

The fear of rejection and concerns about perception may deter us from reaching out for support, fostering discomfort and reluctance.

3. We View it as a Sign of Weakness.  We want to put our best foot forward.  If we are starting a new job, we want to ensure they hire us for a reason.  When we ask for help, it is a failure because we should know what to do and how to do it.  We can feel like we have a diminished status because they know something we don’t know.   

4. Worried about Getting the Wrong Kind of Help.  Sometimes, you can ask somebody, and they can offer help in their particular and rigid way rather than in the way you prefer to the point where it does not even feel like help anymore.  It can create more work and stress in the process and have us regret asking in the first place.

5. Don’t Want to Owe Anybody Anything.  If we ask for help, we may feel like we must return the favor or will have something held over our heads.

6. Uncertainty in Seeking Guidance.  You may not know where to start with your help and you do not want to ask the wrong person, thereby exposing your incompetence if you do not have to, so we feel it is better to remain silent than foolish for speaking up in the first place. 

Benefits of Asking for Help

1. Acquisition of New Skills.  Seeking assistance fosters learning and skill development, enabling individuals to expand their knowledge base and enhance proficiency.  By asking, you learn expectations and processes that will allow you to do your job more effectively.

2. Facilitation of Career Progression.  It’s virtually impossible to advance in modern organizations without assistance from others.  Cross-functional teams, fragile project management techniques, matrixed or hierarchy-minimizing structures, and increasingly collaborative office cultures require you to constantly push for the cooperation and support of your managers, peers, and Directs.  Your performance, development, and career progression depend more than ever on seeking the advice, referrals, and resources you need.  Rhonda Morris, Head of Human Resources at Chevron, said that asking for help is a sign of strength because it shows that you are engaged, taking ownership, and signaling that you can deliver the work asked of you.

3. Effective Workload Management.  Sometimes, when you ask for help, you can learn the cause of the overload and overwhelm and redesign your work for more efficient scheduling.  You may also find that some of your coworkers handle tasks better than others, which can lead to a more even distribution of work.

4. Enhanced Productivity and Efficiency.  Asking for help allows your coworkers to recognize your limitations and build most robust workflows for the team, which can improve productivity for the overall company when they are managing resources efficiently.

5. Strengthen Relationships with your Coworkers and Supervisors.  You build camaraderie by acknowledging your colleagues' specializations and expertise while working toward a common goal.  Many enjoy helping their peers; asking for help can build those relationships.  By not asking others for help, you are depriving them of the good feeling they get from helping.  Also, it benefits the person providing help.  When we request help, we allow others to share their knowledge and expertise, which can be incredibly fulfilling for them.  It strengthens relationships and builds trust, creating a culture of reciprocity and collaboration.

6. Build Psychological Safety & A Collaborative Work Environment.  Psychological safety pertains to the belief that one can take interpersonal risks, such as asking questions or for help, or admitting mistakes, without facing negative consequences.  When employees feel safe, they are more likely to seek assistance, enhancing team collaboration and problem-solving.  Recent studies have demonstrated that teams with high levels of psychological safety tend to outperform those with lower levels.  Moreover, employees in these environments experience lower stress levels and greater job satisfaction, leading to increased productivity and overall organizational success.  The process can build goodwill between you and your coworkers as you recognize their expertise and reinforce that your team is working toward the same goals.  In this environment, asking for help becomes a natural part of the learning process rather than something to be feared or avoided.  When people are invested in each other’s success, creativity and innovation blossoms.

Embracing the art of asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to strength, resilience, and a commitment to continuous growth.  We unlock our full potential and foster a culture of collaboration and excellence by harnessing the collective expertise and support within our professional networks.

Quote of the day: "The strong individual is the one who asks for help when they need it." - Rona Barrett

Question:  How do you like to ask for help?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The next blog in this series 4/5 will focus on tactics for asking for help.

The Importance of Help - When do you Ask?

Effective Strategies for Handling ‘I Don’t Know’ Moments (leadership vulnerabilities 2/5)

In the previous blog, we delved into the concerns and benefits of embracing the phrase “I don’t know.” This article will explore practical strategies and scripts for employing those words confidently and gracefully in various scenarios.

Common Scenarios and Responses:

1. When Asked a Factual Question in a Meeting.  It happens to us all, we may be behind on our research, our minds may go blank, or we simply don’t know.  Here are some approaches to take and scripts to use:

·      “That’s exactly what I’m seeking to answer.”  This shows your boss that you are with them, and the information will be forthcoming.

·      “Let me find out” or “Let me look into that and get back to you with what I discover.”  Or “Great question; let me prioritize a response and circle back.”  When expressed in a supportive and self-assured way, you say you are willing to work to locate the answer.  You show yourself as cooperative, valuable, and a resourceful team player.

·      “I want to ensure I have the most updated information, let me confirm with you by 5 pm today,” or “That’s a good question, and I want to give you an accurate response; let me get back to you by the end of day.”   This shows that you are on top of this work, and it is fast moving, so you want to return with all the correct information.

·      If you have a general idea, you can respond at a high level and avoid specifics. 

o   For example, if somebody asks how the campaign went you can say, “Initial numbers showed it went well, but let me dig into it more, run some reports, and send exact figures to you by the end of the day/week.”  This shows you as somebody who airs on the side of providing accurate information.

·      As a leader, you may not know the ins and outs of every project in your department, let alone your function, that’s ok, you can redirect your response to another.

o   “I’m not sure I’m the best person to answer that.”  Then you follow up with the person you think is most appropriate.  If the person is in the meeting, you can turn to them, “Jill, I know you are running lead on this project; what information do you have now that you might share?”  Or you can say, “My information suggests that Jill would have better insights on this topic; let me turn it over to him.” 

o   If the person is not at the meeting, you can say, “let me connect you to Bill.  He has been doing a great job leading this project, and I want him to provide the most updated information.”

2. When Asked an Opinion Question.  For example, “What is your take on remote work,” and you do not have an established perspective yet:

·      If you have no idea, you can say: “That is an interesting and complex question.  I want to ensure I give it the full attention it deserves; let me ponder it a little more and follow up with my thoughts.”  Or “let me flush out my thoughts once I have the headspace to give this more direct consideration.”

·      If you have a vague idea, you can say, “That is a good question, I can briefly share my preliminary thoughts, but I want to reflect on this question longer and get back to you when I organize my ideas even more.”  Or, “I have a vague idea but want to reflect on this question longer to provide a detailed perspective.”

·      If you want to enlist others’ perspectives or if you simply are unsure where to look, you can say, “Thank you for the question; I appreciate you bringing it up.  I do not have a strong perspective on the topic right now, but I’m curious to learn what others think?”  Or “I have that same question, what thoughts do you or the rest of you have?”

·      When you know of the best person to answer, “Why don’t we ask Bob, this is a topic they have been living and breathing so it would be helpful to start with their perspective.

3. When Asked a Question Adjacent to the Topic.  If you are presenting on a topic and know everything about it but get asked a question about something tangential.  For example, “How does the program you’re proposing for one target group impact another?”

·      “We haven’t studied working parents, but here’s what I can tell you / what I know: Seniors, whom the grant designated as the target audience, responded favorably in our initial studies.” This strategy brings the discussion back on topic and ensures that all your hard work and research are not wasted.

·      “My best guess would be this…” You can offer an explanation based on what you know, a working hypothesis or a few ideas that can be a launching point for a brainstorming session.

·      I’ll note this for further investigation; let’s return to our main topic.

4. When You Want to Empower the Team to Find the Answer.  You can ask probing questions to get a clearer picture or guide them toward finding solutions.  Your actions will also have demonstrated your commitment to finding an answer, and your team will respect this.  Such questions include:

·      “What else have they read or been told about the issue?”  

·      “What have you tried to do, and how did it go?”  

·      “How important is the issue and its connection to our key priorities?  

·      “Who is impacted by this the most, and what is the cost if nothing changes?”

·      That’s an interesting concept; how would you go about testing the idea?

·      I’m curious to learn what others think.

5. When Asked a Question that Sort of Makes Sense.  Don’t assume you should know the answer, ask them questions to get more information to possibly react to or you can refer them to another team.  You can say,

·       “Can you provide more context?”

·       “That’s an interesting question.  What’s driving it?”

·       "I'm not entirely sure.  Can you point me in the right direction, or do you know someone who might have the answer?"

·       "I'm not familiar with this topic, but there are experts in our team/department who will likely be able to assist you."

6. If You Already Responded and Were Unhappy with It.

·      You can say, “I tend to be a deeper processor, I do not like to fire off my first thoughts, but instead take my time with concepts to think about.  Let me ponder this more and offer my revised thoughts next time we connect.

·      “Let me take some additional time; my best ideas usually emerge on the drive home or while I’m making dinner, let me get back to you on my point of view a little later.”

·      “My best ideas happen with reflection.  Let me get back to you once I’ve had the time to do that.”

7. When Asks a Question that Does Not Deserve a Response.  Some people ask questions just to derail the agenda, embarrass, or trap you.  They pose absurd hypothetical questions that are unrelated, so do not feel like you have to play their game and answer them.  You can say:

·      “That question will take us in a different direction, I’m happy to meet with you later to discuss this topic or focus on your specific interest.”

·      “Thank you for the question, let’s connect offline to address it in detail, or I want to be mindful of time and stick to the agenda topics for this meeting.”

8. When you Do Not Know an Answer and Should not be Expected to Know.  You can say.

·      This is out of my purview; I’d recommend consulting with John in Finance for the best response.”

When you say ‘I don’t’ know’ with honesty and confidence, without sacrificing integrity, you seize the opportunity to showcase humility and earn respect from others.

Quote of the day: "The more I know, the more I realize I don't know." - Albert Einstein

Question:  How have you seen others respond in similar situations that might be helpful to you?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you! 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The next blog in this series 3/5 will focus on the concerns and benefits of asking for help.

The Power of ‘I Don’t Know’

Embracing the Power of ‘I Don’t Know’ in Leadership (leadership vulnerability 1/5)

Why do we find it challenging to utter the phrase, ‘I don't know?’ In leadership roles, there's often a pressure to have all the answers, as if uncertainty is a sign of weakness.  However, hiding our lack of knowledge can lead to hastily provided, potentially inaccurate responses.  Let's explore the challenges and concerns of admitting ignorance and the remarkable benefits of embracing this vulnerability.

Challenges and Concerns with Using the Phase.

1. Overcoming the Fear of Incompetence.  Admitting not knowing can make us feel vulnerable, especially when we think we should have the answers.  Some of us carry childhood experiences of being shamed for not knowing; a fellow classmate or teacher who made an example of us, so we may have a reluctance to appear unprepared or inexperienced.

2. Dealing with Vulnerability.  It's uncomfortable to operate from ignorance, as we often prefer to showcase our strengths.  Acknowledging gaps in our knowledge can sting our pride and challenge our sense of competence. 

Despite these genuine concerns, the upsides of saying "I don't know" far outweigh the downsides.  Let’s explore the benefits of embracing uncertainty:

1. Casts a Perception of Being Genuine and Trustworthy.  Admitting uncertainty comes across as sincere.  Conversely, pretending to know when we do not erode trust.  Some people speak so much and show an abundance of confidence, but that should not be confused with competence.  The babble hypothesis proposes that people who talk more in groups, no matter what they say, are more likely to be considered leaders by group members.  So extroverted people will talk more and consequently be considered leaders, but it is only a matter of time before people are on to their empty assurances.  To gain respect, it is better to show yourself as a straight shooter and not someone who makes things up along the way.

2. Increases Credibility and Relationships.  People tend to trust individuals who are honest about their limitations.  Saying ‘I don't know’ can strengthen trust with colleagues, clients, and superiors.  When you pretend, you can harm relationships.  Wharton Professor and Author Adam Grant tells a story of when he was in his mid-20s and was asked to teach a class on motivation to about 50 Air Force Generals. At the end of the first session, he got harsh feedback.  One person said, “There was more knowledge in the audience than on the podium.”  Another added, “I got nothing from this session, but I trust the instructor got useful insights.”  Grant was devastated and wanted to quit but already committed to a second session with another group a week later.  He asked around to find out the one thing he could change in the next session, and they all said how he introduced himself.   Instead of pretending he knew everything in a room full of experts, he showed himself as somebody trying to establish his credentials.  So, when he introduced himself, he opened with, “I know what you are thinking: what can I learn from this professor who is 12 years old.”   After a long silence, somebody broke the ice and said, “You got to be at least 13.”  The room laughed and created a much better beginning, which led to higher ratings the second time.  It is because it is better to admit what he did not know than to claim he knows a lot of stuff or provide speculative information because that would damage his credibility. 

3. Empowers Others.  By recognizing boundaries, we invite others to step up and contribute their expertise.  It encourages others to think critically and share their knowledge, which leads to more robust discussions and better decision-making.  Also, when we feel like we do not need to have all the answers and our team is taking on more of the work, we can be freed to focus on unblocking and engaging in more strategic work that only we can do, and that pushes the organization forward.  Alan Mullaly, CEO of Ford Motor Company and Former President of Boeing, said that the job of a leader is not to come in with all the answers.  It is to find the people in the organization who have the answers and make a path clearer so they can excel.

4. Cultivates Teamwork.  Acknowledging we lack answers creates an environment where colleagues feel comfortable doing the same.  This open environment invites various people to share and be free with their disclosures, even if they are unorthodox or outlandish, which usually leads to the most creative and innovative ideas.  A culture of teamwork is created, where individuals support each other and collectively seek solutions, ultimately enhancing organizational effectiveness. 

5. Avoids Giving Wrong Information.  Offering inaccurate information can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and costly mistakes.  Saying ‘I don't know’ prevents the spread of incorrect information.  Most people are not expecting immediate answers, so we can take that pressure off ourselves and trade fast answers with sound decision-making and more accurate ones, which will build credibility.

6. Alleviates Stress. Pretending to know something when we do not can lead to unnecessary stress. We can worry ourselves with these questions: Are they going to ask a follow-up question? Are they going to offer contradictory information? When am I going to get exposed, and what will be the consequences? Admitting uncertainty relieves this pressure, allowing us to focus on finding accurate solutions rather than maintaining a facade. 

7. Fosters Learning and Humility.  Admitting your limitations can be a catalyst for personal and professional growth.  It creates opportunities to seek answers, learn from others, and improve your skills and knowledge.  The truth is, no matter how knowledgeable we are, the business world is too complex and nuanced to know it all.   Acknowledging your lack of knowledge reflects humility and garners respect from colleagues and superiors who appreciate your openness to new information.  We show others that we are building more of a culture of knowledge seekers than a know-it-all culture.

While admitting ‘I don't know’ may initially feel uncomfortable, it offers numerous benefits for effective leadership and organizational success.  By embracing vulnerability and prioritizing honesty, leaders can foster trust, collaboration, and innovation within their teams.

Quote of the day: “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” ―Socrates

Question:  Tell us about a time when you shared how you didn’t know something; how did it impact the situation?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their communication, contact me to explore this topic further.

The following blog in this series 2/5 will focus on practical strategies for sharing when you don’t know.

How do you say, ‘I don’t know?’

Elevating Your Networking Game: Best Practices and Proven Methods (networking series 3/4)

Whether you're a seasoned professional or just starting your career path, mastering these networking techniques can propel you toward your goals with confidence and purpose.

Before Networking Beings: Prepare for Success:

1. Craft Your Elevator Pitch.  The question, “What do you do,” is one that many dread because they do not like talking about themselves or are not sure how to do it effectively.  Instead of responding with your profession, “I’m a Product Engineer,” you can talk about the problem you solve or the passion that drives you before sharing your role.  You should deliver it succinctly in less than 90 seconds and choose a starting point that resonates with your audience's interests.

1A. Start with the Problem.  For example, “Most small businesses fail; I am a VP at X company focused on helping budding entrepreneurs be successful. I teach them to write impactful business plans, perfect their pitches, and get seed funding so they can beat the odds and live their dream as a business owner depositing positive impact.”

1B. Start with Passion.  Share your enthusiasm for your work and its impact.  For example, “I live to make other people successful.  As a Communication Coach, I help business leaders with their executive presence so they are noticed in the boardroom, inspirational speeches so they can empower their teams to do great things, and influencing skills to better collaborate with their stakeholders to get work done.  If you wanted to start with your role before sharing your passion, you could say, “As a Sr. Director of Member Experiences, I am passionate about championing technology to solve business problems and creating delightful customer experiences.  One product I helped to create recently positively impacted customers as they were able to… .”

2. Define your Current Networking Goal.  Clarify your objectives, whether finding a mentor, advancing your career, growing your business, or building a professional support network.  Understanding what success looks like enables you to network with intention. 

3. Identify Key Contacts.  If you are attending a big event, it can be overwhelming not to have a plan.  However, if you can access the invite list and research and target individuals who align with your goals before attending, that can be effective. You can even email them in advance about your excitement in connecting.   This proactive approach will save time and energy, especially for introverts who can quickly get drained.  Instead of being exhausted by a 2–3-hour event, if you have met your goal and had three meaningful connections, you can leave after 40 minutes to not get burned out by the experience.  While this is just a tentative plan, if you meet people who are not on your list and the interaction is fruitful, you can also consider that a success. 

4. Prepare Your Ask.   If an opportunity presents itself, for example, they say, “I love what you are trying to do; how can I help you?”  It would be a missed chance if you had nothing meaningful to ask.  You may want an introduction with their peer or an opportunity to connect again to learn about their career journey because you want to make a similar shift.  When in doubt, asking for learning and connection opportunities is always good.

5. Define your Offer.  Consider 1-3 things you can offer in case they need assistance.  It is essential to understand your time constraints so you can provide an appropriate offer with the allotted time you have to spare.  

5. Create a List of questions.  Prepare a few engaging questions to facilitate meaningful conversations.  Having them ready in advance alleviates the pressure and fosters genuine interactions.  This will be the focus of the next article.

6. Craft Short stories.  You can prepare 1-2 interesting anecdotes to captivate your audience and illustrate your experiences.   You can reuse the same tales in different settings, and as you continue to network, you can gain inspiration to create more based on what others share so you can enhance your repertoire.

During Networking: Navigating Conversations with Finesse

1. Ask Thoughtful Questions.  It is refreshing to get asked questions that are not frequently asked.  Instead of doing what others do by asking typical inquiries such as, “What do you do,” you can encourage meaningful dialogue, “What’s your favorite part of your work?  “What’s been energizing you personally and professionally this month?  What’s the last thing you learned?"  What’s one way you hope to grow this year?”  You can lead the way by responding first to foster authentic exchanges.

2. Demonstrate Active Listening Skills.  Dale Carnegie says to be interested rather than interesting.  The sentiment concerns allowing others to talk, not just dominating the conversation.  When you listen to people, you are not cued up with the next thing to say; instead, you are picking up on something important and asking follow-up questions.  It is always helpful to listen to what they value or to the bigger picture and give them opportunities to talk more about that.

3. Find shared interests.  Find common ground to establish rapport and deepen connection.  They may mention that they just returned from traveling to a city and you had a fantastic experience there.  You can share a memorable restaurant and discover your love of food or the beauty of the city.  Small talk can lead to significant discoveries and lay the foundation for meaningful relationships.  For example, you learn it always snows where they live and ask how they take advantage of that weather.  They respond with their passion for skiing, which you happen to share, you will have much to explore on that topic.  Or that they live in a town with popular sports teams, and you can connect over that.

4. Offer Appropriate Vulnerability.  Share relatable anecdotes or experiences.  There is a phenomenon called the Beautiful Mess Effect, put forth by a team of psychologists writing in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which states that contrary to our worst fears, having the courage to show our vulnerabilities is often rewarded and viewed more favorably by others.  When sharing a time that you screwed up in a low-risk way or something similar can breed trust and strengthen the relationship.

Post-Networking: Sustaining and Nurturing Connection

1. Send Follow-up Messages.  Reach out to those you connected with, expressing gratitude and suggesting future interactions.  For example, “It was great meeting you. I enjoyed what you said about X, and I’d love to connect again; you mentioned you would be at the X conference in 2 months; maybe we can grab lunch there?  If you do not have an event coming up, consider following up every few months.  Building networks, while important, never feels urgent, and when you consistently reach out, you lay the foundation to develop strong relationships long before you might need anything. 

2. Reach Out to Missed Connections.  Do not hesitate to contact individuals you intended to meet but did not have the chance to connect with.  Express your interest in engaging further and propose alternative meeting options.  For example, “I attended this event and was looking forward to chatting with you because of your work in this area; I’d still love a chance to connect via Zoom or set up a coffee chat.  Please let me know if a time window might work best for your schedule; I am happy to accommodate whatever might work for you.”

3. Maintain a Tracker.  Keep a record of your networking interactions, including dates, where you met them, topics discussed, and follow-up actions such as when you would like to connect next and over what topic.  If you are finding interesting articles that they may enjoy, you can send them to keep the connection alive, but be sure to personalize the message and be thoughtful about what you are sending.  I know you said you were traveling to Belgium next month. I came across this interesting article about this new exhibit that opened, and I thought you might enjoy it given your love of art.

Record your networking interactions, including dates, topics discussed, and follow-up actions.  Regularly update and review your tracker to stay on top of your networking efforts.

By implementing these strategies, you can navigate networking with confidence and purpose, unlocking numerous opportunities along the way.  Networking is not just about making connections—it's about cultivating meaningful relationships that can enrich your personal and professional life.

Quote of the day: “Your network is your net worth.” -Peter Gale

Question:  What’s your best networking strategy?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The final blog in this series 4/4 will focus on effective networking questions and frameworks.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to strengthen their internal and external networking approaches for win-win opportunities. Contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you network effectively?