In this final installment of our authenticity series, we confront prevalent misconceptions that often color our understanding of authenticity. Let’s unravel the truth behind these myths.
Myth #1 – Authetncity means never changing your personality
A misunderstanding with being authentic is thinking that we must always be true to ourselves and display that version. But, which true self is that? Walt Whitman said, “Do I contract myself? Very well then, I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.” To be authentically human is to exercise all our mini-selves, it does not mean resisting the evolution that occurs with personal growth.
New managers struggle when they define authenticity in strict terms. When asked to make changes they may feel it is a stretch from their natural personality, and they equate that with inauthentic. For example, a humble manager who values others’ ideas is told by their boss to be more assertive and sell their concept more aggressively. That can feel fake. Going against our natural inclinations can make us feel like impostors, so we tend to latch on to authenticity as an excuse for sticking with what’s familiar. But as we advance in our careers, demands and expectations change, and we need to expand and develop new muscles and add more tools. By viewing ourselves as works-in-progress and evolving our professional identities through trial and error, we can create a personal style that feels right to us and suits our organizations’ changing needs. If we adhere too much to what we think and feel, it may counter what the situation demands, and we deprive ourselves of tremendous growth. The aspects that are most challenging for us can teach us the most about leading effectively. In an interview with Adam Grant, Indra Nooyi, Former CEO of PepsiCo shared advice that while you maintain your authenticity, do not expect others to accept 100% of who you are. She talked about being the only female on executive calls, and all the men would talk about sports she did not follow. The one sport she did follow, Cricket, nobody else was interested. She decided to flex her authenticity and learn about other sports and get involved with sports talk with her coworkers before the meetings. She found that these efforts went a long way to building rapport and doing better business. Being able to bend to have stronger connections was quite valuable to her.
Myth #2: Authenticity gives you a free pass to behave however you want
Being authentic does not justify hurtful or self-centered and irresponsible behavior. Some chronically uncivil people or those with disagreeable personalities like to say they are just being their authentic selves. For example, you may yell at a teammate because you view yourself as prone to anger, but you do not have the right to unload your feelings on others whenever you want and in the way you want. Family and friends may be able to handle that and will be there for us after sharing our short tantrums and emotional speedbumps. You may be somebody who curses a lot and will want that same right in the workplace to express your authenticity. But, we can be both authentic and respectful or agreeable to create harmony in the workplace. Authentic leadership is about mastering the skill of being a shapeshifter. Somebody can change styles depending on what the situation demands, without straying from core values and goals or relinquishing their genuineness. It is not about the person who expresses themselves regardless of the impact they may have on others. You must be mindful and emotionally aware of how your energy is radiating and how others are experiencing you.
Myth #3: Authenticity means behaving the same way in every situation
We have a kaleidoscope of personalities and may activate specific personas under different conditions. For example, when we are in performance mode, we present our most polished selves, showcasing our leadership prowess. In learning mode, we experiment and accept failure as part of our growth journey. Authenticity can manifest differently in these varied contexts, and that’s perfectly normal. Shakespeare’s famous words: “All the world’s a stage …and one man in his time plays many parts,” captures this reality. Adapting your behavior to fit the situation does not make you fake or insincere; it demonstrates versatility. Common sense says that we do not reveal every side of ourselves in every situation, but understand the context we are in and the style we can adapt because we have versatility. You do not show up the same way in the board room when you give a briefing as you do with your family at a dinner party or the gym with your friends. We have many facets, and while we are adapting to others, we are still always staying true to our values which is what authenticity is all about.
How do we know when you’re being inauthentic? It happens when your actions diverge from your professed beliefs and values. Like chameleons, leaders can adjust to better serve their teams while staying true to their authentic identities.
Quote of the day: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) (alternatively attributed to Sir Mark Young and/or Bernard Baruch)
Q: How do you adapt your style to fit the context you are in but are still authentic? Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!
As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.
Which myths do you want to dispel?