Emotional Instability: When Reactions Undermine Leadership Presence (Leadership Limitations Series 4/4)

Leadership isn't tested in calm moments. It's tested when things go sideways — and how leaders manage that test shapes everything about the culture around them.

A deadline slips. A strategy is challenged in a meeting. A colleague misrepresents a proposal and frames objections based on a misunderstanding. A decision the leader championed gets reversed. In these moments, emotions naturally rise. Frustration, defensiveness, and irritation surface quickly — especially in leaders who care deeply about their work and the stakes involved.

The issue isn't having those emotions. Every leader does. The issue is what happens next: how those emotions are managed in the moment, and what the people in the room take away from watching that unfold.

What feels like a small moment of visible frustration to the leader can create a lasting impression for everyone else. The memory of a leader's reactive moment often outlasts the substance of what was discussed. And over time, a pattern of emotional instability doesn't just damage credibility — it shapes what people are willing to bring forward, which shapes what the leader gets to know, which shapes the quality of every decision they make.

Why Emotional Regulation Is a Leadership Capability

Daniel Goleman's foundational research on emotional intelligence identified self-regulation as one of its core components — and one of the most differentiating in senior leaders. Leaders who manage their reactions effectively create environments where teams feel more confident, more psychologically safe, and more willing to engage honestly in difficult conversations.

When leaders react impulsively, the opposite takes hold. People become cautious. Conversations become guarded. The room starts focusing on the leader's reaction rather than the issue at hand. The important dialogue — the kind that surfaces problems early and generates genuine solutions — starts to disappear, not because people don't want to have it, but because they've calculated the cost.

Senior leaders operate under constant observation. Their behavior under pressure sets the tone for how everyone else responds. That's not a burden; it's leverage. Leaders who understand this use it deliberately.

How Emotional Instability Actually Shows Up

Susan David's work on emotional agility is useful here. She distinguishes between being driven by emotions—reacting to them automatically—and recognizing emotions without being controlled by them. Most leadership derailments in this area aren't dramatic. They're cumulative. They look like:

•  Visible frustration in meetings when challenged or interrupted — even briefly

•  Tone shifts that signal irritation without naming it directly

•  Defensive responses to feedback that close the door on further input

•  Shutting down opposing views, either sharply or through sustained dismissiveness

•  Withdrawal or disengagement when tension rises — which teams experience as withholding

These moments pass quickly for the leader. They rarely pass unnoticed by everyone else. And in a culture shaped by those patterns, people learn to manage the leader's emotional state as a primary variable in how they communicate — filtering, softening, timing — rather than simply bringing what they know.

What This Looks Like in Practice

A senior leader is presenting a strategic initiative to the executive team. During the discussion, another executive summarizes the proposal incorrectly and raises concerns based on that misunderstanding. The presenting leader knows the concerns aren't relevant to what was actually proposed — and feels the frustration of being misheard after significant preparation.

Reactive response: A sharp interruption, visible irritation, a correction that carries an edge. The conversation shifts from the strategic issue to the tension in the room. Others pull back. The misunderstanding gets addressed, but something more valuable gets lost: others' willingness to engage honestly in future discussions.

Regulated response: A brief pause. Then: "Let me clarify the point I was making so we're all working from the same understanding." The conversation resets, the issue gets addressed constructively, and the leader's credibility remains intact — or grows, because composure under that kind of frustration is noticed and respected.

The difference between these two moments isn't about suppressing the feeling. It's about the space between stimulus and response — and what the leader chooses to do in that space.

The Leadership Discipline of Emotional Regulation

Bill George's work on authentic leadership frames emotional self-awareness and control as foundational to leading with integrity. Leaders who develop this discipline aren't performing calm — they're genuinely grounded. They've built practices that create the space between trigger and response where conscious choice becomes possible.

Several practices help leaders strengthen this over time:

•  Pause before responding in tense moments — even two or three seconds creates meaningful distance from the initial emotional hit

•  Name the issue calmly and specifically, rather than reacting to the emotional charge around it

•  Ask clarifying questions before drawing conclusions — it slows the conversation and often changes it entirely

•  Return the room to shared objectives: "Let's come back to what we're trying to solve together" reorients without dismissing

•  Develop a post-meeting debrief practice — noticing where emotions hijacked your intentions, and what you'd do differently

These aren't techniques for suppressing authenticity. They're tools to ensure the leader's impact in the room matches their intent — which is often not the case when emotions drive the response.

Emotional Steadiness as a Cultural Signal

One of the most underappreciated dimensions of executive presence is emotional steadiness. Not emotional flatness — that's different, and creates its own problems. Steadiness: the quality of remaining grounded and thoughtful even when the situation pulls hard toward reaction.

When leaders consistently demonstrate this quality under pressure, they create something invaluable in the culture: safety to raise difficult issues. Teams become more willing to surface problems early, challenge assumptions, and engage honestly in the conversations that actually matter — because they trust that the leader will respond to what's being said rather than react to how it feels.

Over time, that consistency becomes organizational capital. People know what to expect. Disagreements stay productive. Problems don't get managed around the leader — they get brought to them. And that information flow is what allows good leaders to become great ones.

Closing the Series: What These Four Patterns Share

The need to be right. Winning too much. Arrogance. Emotional instability. None of these are character flaws. Each began as a strength — conviction, drive, confidence, intensity. Each helped someone become the leader they are.

What they share is this: at a certain level of leadership, they stop serving the leader and begin serving the leader's ego. And the gap between those two things is exactly where leadership impact gets lost.

The leaders who grow the most aren't immune to these patterns. They're the ones who develop the awareness to see them clearly, the honesty to name them, and the discipline to make a different choice — consistently, imperfectly, over time.

That's the work. And in my experience, it's some of the most important work a leader can do.

Reflection Question. What situations tend to trigger the strongest emotional reactions in your leadership—and how might greater emotional regulation strengthen your presence in those moments?  Comment and share below; I’d love to hear your perspective.

Quote of the Day. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response.” — Viktor Frankl

As an executive leadership coach, I help leaders become more effective. Often that means helping them recognize subtle habits that once fueled their success but now quietly limit their impact. If you’d like to explore this topic further, feel free to reach out.

How do you remain calm under pressure?

Arrogance: When Confidence Crosses the Line (Leadership Limitations Series 3/4)

Confidence is a leadership asset. Left unchecked, it quietly becomes something else — and the shift is rarely visible to the person making it.

Confidence is essential to leadership. Leaders are expected to make decisions, set direction, and communicate a clear point of view. Teams look to them for conviction — especially when navigating uncertainty, change, or competing priorities. Confidence signals competence. It establishes credibility. It gives people something to orient around when the path isn't obvious.

And yet, like most leadership strengths, confidence has a shadow side. What begins as earned self-assurance can gradually evolve into something more limiting — not in a single dramatic moment, but in the slow accumulation of small patterns that eventually shape how a leader learns, listens, and decides. The issue is not confidence. The issue is when confidence hardens into arrogance: the assumption that your perspective is already correct before you've fully heard anyone else's.

When that shift occurs, the consequences aren't just interpersonal. They're organizational. Leaders stop testing assumptions as rigorously. Input narrows. Challenges get minimized. And the organization receives a less accurate picture of what's actually true — precisely when it needs that picture most.

The Subtle Shift

Arrogance rarely arrives suddenly. It tends to develop after a run of success — which is part of what makes it so difficult to catch. Jim Collins, in his research on organizational decline, identified what he called "hubris born of success": a pattern in which leaders who have been right many times begin to assume they will continue to be right — and stop doing the work of checking.

The leader's experience becomes not just a guide, but a verdict. Their intuition substitutes for inquiry. Their track record becomes a reason to stop questioning, not a foundation to build on. And the people around them — sensing the shift, even if it's never named — begin to self-censor.

How Arrogance Actually Shows Up

It rarely looks like overt ego or loud bravado. In high-performing leaders, it often shows up in subtler patterns that shape interactions over time. Amy Edmondson's research is instructive here: when leaders consistently signal that they already know the answer, team members become significantly less likely to raise concerns, challenge assumptions, or surface the early signals that could change the outcome. Information flow narrows—not because people lack useful perspectives, but because they've learned not to offer them.

Arrogance often looks like:

•  Speaking with certainty before hearing other perspectives — signaling the conclusion before the conversation has begun

•  Absorbing others' ideas and reframing them as refinements of your own

•  Dismissing dissent too quickly — not with hostility, but with confidence

•  Explaining rather than inquiring, even in situations where the leader doesn't have full context

•  Assuming that experience and pattern-recognition outweigh fresh perspective

None of these are dramatic. All of them accumulate. Over time, they don't just affect how the leader is perceived—they affect what the leader actually knows and how well the organization performs.

What This Looks Like in Practice

An executive team is reviewing early results from a major initiative. The data shows meaningful challenges in several markets. A senior leader who championed the initiative speaks quickly: the issues are temporary, the strategy is sound, the team needs to stay the course.

Operating from arrogance: The discussion closes early. Concerns get minimized. Others in the room — who may have been tracking signals for weeks — sense that questioning the strategy won't be welcomed. The leader leaves believing they've provided steadiness. The team leaves carrying questions they couldn't ask.

Operating with confident humility: The leader says: "These results aren't what we expected. What are we learning from the markets that are struggling?" The tone shifts. The team examines the data more closely, surfaces what they've been observing, and adjusts the strategy accordingly. The leader's credibility grows — because they demonstrated confidence without closing the door to new information.

The Distinction That Matters

Edgar Schein captured this distinction in his concept of humble inquiry — the practice of asking genuine questions from a place of authentic curiosity, rather than questions designed to steer toward a predetermined answer. Leaders who adopt this approach create better information flow, stronger relationships, and more effective decisions. Not because they're less confident, but because they pair their confidence with genuine openness.

The most precise way to describe the difference:

•  Confident leaders believe in their perspective — and remain genuinely curious about what they might be missing

•  Arrogant leaders assume their perspective is already the best available — and engage with others primarily to confirm it

Confidence establishes direction. Humility keeps learning alive. Together, they create durable, high-trust executive leadership.

Practices for Confident Humility

These behaviors are simple. They require practice to become consistent.

•  Invite challenge directly: "What risks or blind spots might we be missing here?"

•  When a colleague's input strengthens the outcome, name it — in the room, not just privately

•  Maintain a small group of trusted advisors who will tell you the truth, and create explicit permission for them to do so

•  When new information emerges that contradicts your position, adjust publicly — and without defensiveness

•  Distinguish between conviction (which should be high) and certainty (which should remain proportional to what you actually know)

Leaders who practice these habits send a signal that strength and humility are not opposites. They reinforce one another. Organizations led by people who hold both tend to make better decisions, surface problems earlier, and build the kind of trust that sustains performance through difficulty.

Reflection Question. Where in your leadership might confidence be unintentionally limiting your openness to other perspectives?  Comment and share below; I’d love to hear your perspective.

Quote of the Day.  Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. — Confucius

 As an executive leadership coach, I work with leaders to become more effective. Often that means helping them recognize subtle habits that once fueled their success but now quietly limit their impact. If you’d like to explore this topic further, feel free to reach out.

 The final blog in this series (4/4) will explore another leadership limitation: emotional instability, and how leaders can regulate emotions to strengthen trust and presence.

How does your confidence & arrogance show up?

Winning Too Much: When Competition Becomes a Leadership Limitation (Leadership Limitations Series 2/4)

A competitive drive is one of leadership's great fuels. At senior levels, it can quietly become one of its greatest liabilities.

Many leaders build their careers on an uncommon drive to win. They push hard, advocate forcefully, and compete for the opportunities and resources that move things forward. That competitive edge creates real momentum — it fuels achievement, generates visibility, and produces results.

But at senior levels of leadership, the rules change. What helped someone rise through an organization can become a constraint once they're responsible not just for their own success, but for the success of the enterprise. The issue is not wanting to win. The issue is needing to win — in meetings, in debates, in decisions, in credit.

When that shift happens, the focus drifts from collective success to personal victory. Conversations become competitive rather than collaborative. Leaders start protecting territory instead of solving problems together. And the organization quietly begins to lose something it can't afford to lose: alignment.

How Competition Gets Hardwired

For most high-performing leaders, competition has been reinforced from early on. Academic environments reward top performance. Athletic cultures celebrate winning. Early career advancement often favors those who advocate most strongly for their ideas and demonstrate a drive others can see. Over time, these experiences solidify a belief: success is closely tied to outperforming others.

That instinct can be a powerful engine. But executive leadership requires a different orientation. Sally Helgesen notes that as leaders rise, the work shifts fundamentally — from individual achievement to enabling the success of others and the organization as a whole. That transition requires trading the need to win every individual debate for the discipline of building collective wins.

The leaders who make that trade tend to gain more influence over time, not less. The ones who don't often wonder why the room stopped engaging with them.

The Cost of a Win-Lose Mindset

When leaders consistently approach conversations through a win-lose lens, the dynamic of the leadership team begins to shift — gradually, and often below the surface. Colleagues start preparing their positions rather than exploring possibilities together. Meetings begin to feel more like negotiations than collaborative problem-solving. Several patterns emerge over time:

•  Leaders advocate primarily for their own function or agenda, even when enterprise priorities point elsewhere

•  Discussions become exercises in persuasion rather than exploration

•  Colleagues become cautious about challenging ideas — not because they lack insight, but because they've read the room

•  Credit becomes a contested resource rather than something shared generously

Instead of functioning as a unified executive team, leaders begin operating as strong individuals with competing priorities. The organization pays the price for that fragmentation in slower decisions, reduced trust, and missed opportunities.

What This Looks Like in Practice

Consider an executive team debating resource allocation across several major initiatives. The head of product presents a compelling case for accelerating a new launch and argues for the majority of next quarter's investment. The head of operations raises concerns about readiness and supply chain risk.

Win-lose mindset: The product leader defends the proposal. Data is deployed primarily to reinforce the existing position. Counterpoints are reframed as overly cautious. The conversation becomes a contest, and the team makes a decision that hasn't been fully examined.

Collective mindset: The product leader responds differently: "Those operational risks are real. What would need to be true for us to launch successfully?" The conversation broadens, additional perspectives emerge, and the team makes a stronger decision — one they can actually execute together.

The leader didn't lose influence in that second scenario. They deepened it. By shifting the focus from winning the argument to solving the problem, they demonstrated something that matters enormously at senior levels: that their commitment is to the organization, not their own position.

A Different Orientation

The most effective executives make a subtle but consequential shift. They stop asking: How do I win this discussion? They start asking: How do we reach the best outcome together?

That shift changes how they show up — in meetings, in decision-making conversations, in the moments after a decision is made. Instead of protecting ideas, they test them. Instead of competing for influence, they use their influence to elevate the collective thinking of the group.

Practices that support this shift:

•  Enter meetings genuinely curious about what others' perspectives will add — not just prepared to defend your own

•  Publicly support strong ideas from colleagues, even when they differ from your initial view

•  Once alignment is reached, advocate for the team's decision as your own — even if your proposal wasn't selected

•  Ask what success looks like from other functions' perspectives before making the case for yours

•  When you catch yourself trying to win an argument, pause and ask: what's the best outcome here, regardless of who proposed it?

Ironically, leaders who stop trying to win every conversation tend to gain more influence over time. Their credibility grows precisely because colleagues trust that their contributions are oriented toward advancing the organization — not scoring personal victories.

Leadership is not about proving your idea is the strongest. It's about ensuring the organization arrives at the strongest answer — and then getting behind it fully.

Reflection Question.  Where in your leadership might the desire to win be limiting your ability to collaborate more effectively with other leaders?  Comment and share below; I’d love to hear your perspective.

Quote of the Day.  “Leadership is not about being the best. It’s about making everyone else better.” — Sheryl Sandberg

As an executive leadership coach, I work with leaders to increase their effectiveness. Often that means helping them recognize subtle habits that once fueled their success but now quietly limit their impact. If you’d like to explore this topic further, feel free to reach out.

The next blog in this series (3/4) will explore another leadership limitation: arrogance, and how confidence can quietly cross the line into a barrier to learning and growth.

When does winning become a liability?

The Need to Be Right: A Hidden Leadership Limitation (Leadership Limitations Series 1/4)

Leadership often develops through strengths — conviction, competitive drive, confidence, and decisive action. These qualities help leaders rise, deliver results, and earn credibility. But the same traits that fuel a leader's ascent can quietly begin to limit it. This four-part series examines four of the most common patterns I see in coaching senior executives: the need to be right, winning too much, arrogance, and emotional instability. None are character flaws — they're strengths that have outgrown their usefulness. And with awareness, all of them can be recalibrated.

Leaders often rise because they are right. They make sound calls, anticipate risk, and identify opportunities others miss. Over time, their judgment becomes a trusted organizational resource — and being right becomes closely associated with credibility, competence, and authority.

That pattern is worth examining carefully. Because while being right is a strength, needing to be right is something different — and it operates as a limitation in ways that aren't always visible to the leader themselves.

When leaders become overly attached to their perspective, the focus subtly shifts from discovering the best answer to defending the current one. Conversations narrow. Curiosity declines. The organization begins to lose access to the full intelligence of the room — not because people stop thinking, but because they stop sharing.

When the Ego Enters the Room

For many leaders, the desire to be right is tied directly to identity. The internal calculus can sound like: If I'm wrong, will people question my judgment? Will my credibility diminish? Will I lose influence? These are natural concerns in high-stakes environments — and the ego, doing exactly what it was designed to do, moves to protect them.

But leadership is rarely about proving you are right. It is about creating the conditions where the best thinking can emerge. Amy Edmondson's research on psychological safety makes this unambiguous: teams perform best when leaders create an environment where people feel comfortable raising concerns, challenging ideas, and sharing perspectives without fear of judgment. When leaders become overly attached to their position, that safety begins to erode — and with it, the quality of the thinking in the room.

Above the Line and Below the Line

The Conscious Leadership framework developed by Jim Dethmer and colleagues offers a precise and useful lens here. Leaders operate in two primary states.

•  Above the line: Open, curious, and committed to learning. Taking ownership, inviting different viewpoints, genuinely interested in what is true.

•  Below the line: Defensive, reactive, and focused on protecting position. The conversation shifts from exploration to justification.

Every leader moves between these two states — including the best ones. The difference is how quickly they notice the shift and return to curiosity. That awareness alone can transform the tone of a conversation and the quality of what follows.

What This Looks Like in Practice

Consider an executive team discussing whether to expand into a new market. The head of strategy presents a recommendation, and the CEO signals early support. A few minutes in, the CFO raises concerns about the financial assumptions underlying the projections.

Below the line: "We've already reviewed those numbers. The model is solid." The conversation tightens. Others who may have questions choose not to push further.

Above the line: "That's helpful. Walk us through what assumptions you think we should pressure-test." The tone shifts. The CFO elaborates, others weigh in, and the discussion becomes more rigorous.

The leader hasn't lost authority in that second scenario. They've strengthened it — by demonstrating that their commitment is to the best outcome, not the first one they endorsed.

The Cost to Teams

When leaders are consistently committed to being right, teams feel it quickly — even when nothing is said explicitly. Ideas get filtered before they're shared. Disagreement softens. Debate becomes less candid. People don't stop thinking; they start protecting themselves.

Over time, this creates an information gap at the top. The leader's perspective dominates not because it's the best one in the room, but because the room has quietly stopped offering alternatives. Innovation slows. Decisions narrow. And the organization loses the diversity of thought that drives better outcomes.

The inverse is also true. Leaders who demonstrate genuine curiosity create a very different environment. Their questions signal openness. Their willingness to reconsider reinforces that thinking out loud is safe. The room becomes sharper because everyone participates fully.

A Different Commitment

The most effective leaders I work with have replaced the need to be right with a different commitment: the commitment to learn. Ronald Heifetz describes this as the work of adaptive leadership — mobilizing people to tackle complex challenges where no single leader has the complete answer.

Alan Mulally's turnaround at Ford offers one of the most compelling examples of this in practice. His "Working Together" system explicitly made it safe for leaders to surface bad news and flag problems without fear of blame or career consequence. In a culture where admitting difficulty had previously been career-limiting, Mulally reframed honesty as a leadership strength. The result was faster problem-solving, stronger trust across the executive team, and a company that found its way back. His role was not to arrive with all the answers — it was to create the conditions where the organization could surface them together.

Practices to Shift from Being Right to Learning

These aren't dramatic changes. They're small, consistent behaviors that signal to everyone in the room what you actually value.

•  Ask one genuine question before offering your opinion

•  Invite a dissenting perspective: "Who sees this differently?"

•  Pause before responding when you feel defensive — and ask what you might be missing

•  Treat disagreement as information, not resistance

•  When someone's pushback improves the outcome, say so

Ultimately, leadership is less about having the right answer and more about creating the conditions where the best answers can emerge. When leaders release the need to be right, they invite stronger thinking, deeper dialogue, and better decisions. The shift from certainty to curiosity doesn't weaken leadership authority. It deepens it — because the most effective leaders aren't those who are right the most often. They're the ones who help the organization learn the fastest.

Reflection Question.  Where in your leadership might the desire to be right be limiting your ability to learn from others?  Comment and share below; I’d love to hear your perspective.

Quote of the Day.  “The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.” — Stephen Hawking

As an executive leadership coach, I work with leaders to increase their effectiveness. Often that means helping them recognize the subtle habits that once fueled their success but now quietly limit their impact. If you’d like to explore this topic further, feel free to reach out.

The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on winning too much.

What is the cost of being right?

Managing Employees Nearing Retirement (Leadership Challenges Series 4/7)

One of the most delicate leadership challenges executives face is managing employees nearing retirement. Unlike early-career professionals eager to grow or mid-career leaders striving for advancement, soon-to-retire employees may be in a very different mindset — one that prioritizes stability, familiarity, and winding down over growth, innovation, and risk-taking.

This stage can provide substantial value, as these employees often possess decades of institutional knowledge, strong relationships, and a long history with the company. But it can also present challenges when motivation, adaptability, or team alignment begin to wane. Organizational psychologist Daniel Levinson once described career life stages as “seasons,” each with its own developmental tasks. For leaders, navigating the “retirement season” with both respect and strategic foresight is critical for team health and company continuity.

 Common Challenges of Managing Soon-to-Retire Employees

1. Declining Engagement.  Some employees begin to mentally “check out” once they know retirement is near. They may resist learning new skills, avoid stretch assignments, or simply do the bare minimum. This can frustrate colleagues who feel they are carrying a disproportionate share of the workload.

 2. Fixed Mindsets and Outdated Approaches.  After decades of doing things a certain way, some employees may resist change. Carol Dweck’s work on growth vs. fixed mindsets underscores how damaging this can be to team progress. When a veteran leader refuses to adapt, it not only stalls innovation but can also discourage younger employees who crave guidance and support.

3. Negative Energy on Teams. Sometimes, the frustration of being “almost out the door” manifests as cynicism or dismissiveness. A skeptical, resistant attitude can undermine morale and stifle creativity, especially when an employee feels untouchable due to tenure or loyalty.

 Organizational Dilemmas

1. Loyalty and Legacy.  Long-serving employees often hold a special place in the organization’s story. Leaders may hesitate to confront underperformance because of past contributions or out of respect for years of service.

2. Team Morale. Even if performance has declined, many soon-to-retire employees are well regarded. Handling their transition poorly can harm morale and signal to others that the company does not value its employees.

3. Institutional Knowledge.  In some cases, retirees hold critical knowledge that has not been documented or shared. This creates a “single point of failure” for the organization. Harvard Business Review notes that knowledge transfer during retirements is one of the most overlooked succession risks companies face.

 Leadership Strategies to Manage This Transition

1. Set Clear Expectations and Address Performance. Respect does not mean avoidance. Leaders should continue to set expectations and hold soon-to-retire employees accountable. Frame it as ensuring that the legacy of their work endures within the team. Choose your battles wisely, focusing on issues that impact culture, client outcomes, or team cohesion

2. Redefine Their Role for Maximum Value. If motivation for new projects has waned, consider narrowing their scope to focus on what they do best. Moving them from management into an individual contributor or mentor role can enable them to add value without adversely affecting others. Taking time to understand their motivations at this stage can help you approach them more effectively.

 3. Leverage Knowledge Transfer.  Position them as mentors or “knowledge stewards.” Encourage them to document processes, coach rising leaders, or conduct training sessions. This not only preserves institutional wisdom but also allows them to leave a legacy.

 4. Explore Internal Transitions. Sometimes, moving the person to a team or function that better aligns with their strengths can be beneficial. A lower-visibility role may help them finish their career with dignity while minimizing team disruption.

 5. Plan for Graceful Exits. If performance issues outweigh contributions, it may be time to guide them toward a positive exit. Providing a strong retirement package and celebrating their contributions can soften the transition and signal that the company honors its people.

 6. Build for the Long Term. Succession planning is the real antidote. Ensure no single person holds irreplaceable knowledge or critical relationships. Developing future leaders and creating systems for knowledge capture protects both the company and the individual.

 Managing employees nearing retirement requires leaders to balance respect with accountability, empathy with decisiveness, and legacy with progress. When approached thoughtfully, these transitions can preserve institutional knowledge, strengthen culture, and honor contributions while ensuring the organization is prepared for the future.

 Quote of the Day: “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” -Attributed to Pericles, Athenian Statesman

 Reflection Question: How has your organization successfully navigated the retirement of key employees? What strategies worked best to balance respect, performance, and continuity?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 5/7 will focus on another leadership challenge – leading dotted line employees.

 As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their leadership skills and navigate tricky situations like these. Contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you lead the almost retired?

From Insight To Action: Effective Method To Develop Self-Awareness (Self-Awareness Series 3/3)

In the first article in this series, we explored the concept of self-awareness and the gap between how self-aware we believe we are and how aware we actually are. In the second article, we examined the biases and barriers that make it difficult to develop self-awareness. The natural question that follows is: How do we actually build self-awareness?

Insight alone is not enough. Self-awareness develops through reflection, feedback, and intentional experimentation.

Let’s explore practical strategies to translate insight into growth and unlock your full potential.

1. Reflect on Yourself. Self-awareness begins with intentional reflection. Leaders who develop strong self-awareness regularly examine their motivations, behaviors, and performance.

1A. Inventory of strengths, non-strengths, values, and opportunities.  Identify both strengths and limitations. We sometimes do this work when preparing for an interview and find that it is helpful to get super clear, so making the space to answer these questions is important. You can take many assessments such as Myers-Briggs, The Big Five, or CliftonStrengths, to gain deeper insights on personality, behavior, and natural talents.

1B. Create reflection time.  Many leaders say they are too busy to reflect. Responding to emails and solving immediate problems often feels more productive.  Yet reflection is one of the practices that separates good leaders from great ones.  Setting aside time to reflect helps leaders examine questions such as: What is going well and why? What could be going better?  How did I respond to recent challenges or setbacks? What lessons can I extract from those experiences?  Reflection helps convert experience into learning. 

1C. Ask better questions.   Self-awareness grows when we challenge our own assumptions.  Questions such as these can expand perspective: What if I am wrong?  What might I be missing?  What are other viewpoints I should consider?  Team coaching expert David Clutterbuck suggests asking questions that increase awareness of our thinking and emotions:  How do I feel about the way that I think?  How do I feel about the way that I feel?  How do I think about the way that I feel?  How do I think about the way that I think? Questions like these encourage deeper reflection.

1D. Test Your Assumptions.  A useful question for building self-awareness is: How do you know if something is true? For example, a leader might wonder, " How do I know I am approachable?  Start by identifying behaviors that support the claim. I leave my office door open for others to enter when they need something; I ask if they have any questions during a meeting; I prompt them to respond to my email with any follow-ups; I participate in activities with my team, such as attending their meetings and connection gatherings.

Next, seek others' perspectives on your approach and how you can improve. E.g., “I am working on being an approachable leader, how approachable do you think I am, what do I do now that supports my approachability, and what can I do to be even more approachable?” Comparing your intentions with others’ experiences often reveals valuable insight.

You can also measure progress over time. If you are working on a skill such as listening, define what success looks like and identify a few indicators. After several months, evaluate your progress using both your own reflection and feedback from others. Self-awareness improves when we move beyond assumptions and begin testing our beliefs against reality.

1E. Compare yourself to your future self.  Write a letter to yourself outlining what you want to improve.  Open it in a few months to compare your progress. Marshall Goldsmith suggests thinking about what gifts your current self has given to your future self.  

1F. Learn from Others. Whatever skill you are trying to improve, read about it, and observe others who excel. Identify effective behaviors and compare them to your own. Learn from those you admire and avoid the mistakes of those you don't.

2. Work with a coach.  Many leaders accelerate their self-awareness by working with a coach. Coaches help clients see beyond assumptions and narratives to understand their present reality more clearly and shape their future more effectively. They often use questions, reflection, metaphors, stories, and synthesis to help clients see patterns they may not notice themselves.  They also ask questions, such as " Why do you do what you do? Why do they believe what you believe, and how is it serving you now? 

2A. Perception management.  Coaches help clients think about their current and ideal perceptions, and their impact. They assist in building their brand to manage these perceptions effectively.

2B. Use of self-reflection assessments.   Coaches provide frameworks and assessments for clients to evaluate their skills. For example, using key leadership traits from "The Leadership Challenge" to understand their strengths and areas for improvement.

2C. Use of Coaching Tools. 

·      Johari Window - A psychological tool created in 1955 by Joseph Harrington to help people improve self-awareness and understand relationship dynamics through 4 quadrants: open area, blind area, hidden area, and unknown area.

·      Gaps Grid.  Developed by David Peterson, Former Head of Executive Coaching at Google, it’s a 2x2 matrix that enhances insight and motivation by mapping goals and values, success factors, abilities, and perceptions. 

3. Seek Perspective From Others. Self-awareness is difficult to develop alone. Others often see patterns we cannot see ourselves. Leaders can gather perspectives in several ways.

3A. Collect Informal data by asking for specific feedback.  Start by asking for input from trusted individuals in your professional circle—your manager, peers, mentors, or team members.  The key is to ask specific questions.  For example:  Instead of asking “Do you have any feedback for me?”  Try asking:  "What is one thing I could do to improve my listening in meetings?"  Specific questions produce more useful answers.

3B. Anchor your feedback.   Guide observers by informing them about the skills you are working on and asking for feedback on your progress. This helps them provide more focused and relevant feedback.  Examples include - “I started working on a new set of skills that I want you to watch for or A month ago, I was working on listening skills, what has been improved?” It is helpful for you to guide the observation because they are still in the throes of what they are doing, and they might not be seeing the wins.  It’s kind of like when relatives you see once a year as a kid will point out how much you have grown and how different you are, and you don’t see it at all because day-to-day, not much is different.

4. Use Formal Feedback. More structured approaches can provide deeper insights.

4A. Run an automated 360.  Collect feedback from the people you work closely with at all levels, directs, peers, managers, customers, partners, and other stakeholders.  You get to do a self-assessment based on leadership competencies and then they also get to weigh in, and you can evaluate the anonymous data and look for patterns.  When I do this with clients, they are always surprised, either by how many great comments they have received, how others have overrated themselves in some areas, and how they did not realize they were falling short of the mark.  It is an eye-opening experience.

4B. Stakeholder interviews.  Similar to a 360, but instead of being automated, a coach will run the process.  They will conduct interviews with the stakeholders, ask questions, and then compile a report. 

4C. Create brief surveys.  Liz Wiseman recommends asking about some accidental diminishing behaviors, which means that despite your best intentions, you may be having an adverse impact on others.

·      What am I inadvertently doing that might be having a diminishing impact on others?

·      How might my intentions be interpreted differently by others? 

·      What messages might my actions actually be conveying?

·      What can I do differently?

Developing self-awareness is a continuous journey that significantly enhances personal and professional growth. By engaging in self-assessment, seeking feedback, and working with a coach, you can gain deeper insights into your strengths and areas for improvement. Over time, these practices help leaders make better decisions, build stronger relationships, and lead with greater impact.

Quotes of the day: "We learn who we are in practice, not in theory." - Herminia Ibarra

Quote of the day:  As you start to walk out of the way, the way appears – Rumi

Reflection Question: What practice do you engage in to raise your awareness?  Comment and share your experiences below; we’d love to hear.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to raise their awareness to increase their performance, contact me to explore this topic further.

What practices raise your awareness?

The Journey Within: Overcoming Challenges and Enhancing Self-Awareness for Better Outcomes (Self-Awareness Series 2/3)

In the previous article, we explored the concept of self-awareness and its core dimensions. But understanding the idea of self-awareness and actually developing it are very different things.

The reality is that self-awareness is difficult to cultivate. Psychological biases, social dynamics, and our own defenses often prevent us from seeing ourselves clearly.

In this article, we’ll explore some of the biggest challenges that make self-awareness difficult—and why developing it is still one of the most valuable investments a leader can make.

Challenges of Self-Awareness

1. Ignorance and discomfort.  Plato’s Allegory of the Cave illustrates how difficult self-awareness can be: ignorance limits awareness, while knowledge liberates. In the allegory, prisoners are chained inside a cave where they see only shadows projected on a wall. Because that is all they have ever seen, they assume the shadows represent reality. When one prisoner is freed and sees the outside world, the experience is overwhelming. Gradually, he realizes the shadows were merely reflections of a deeper reality. But when he returns to share this insight with the other prisoners, he is met with disbelief and hostility. This story captures an important truth about self-awareness: seeing ourselves more clearly can be uncomfortable. Sometimes, the most difficult part of self-awareness is confronting truths about ourselves we would rather not see. It’s why, for many, ignorance feels easier than awareness.

2. Our Backgrounds Shape Our Perspective.  Our experiences shape how we interpret the world.  Generational differences, upbringing, economic circumstances, education, culture, and career experiences all influence how we think about risk, opportunity, and success.  For example, someone who grew up in poverty may think very differently about risk and stability than someone who grew up with financial security.  President John F. Kennedy once acknowledged that he could never fully understand the impact of the Great Depression because he grew up wealthy.  Each of us experiences only a small slice of the world, and that slice shapes our assumptions.  Self-awareness requires recognizing that our perspective, while valid, is also limited.

3. Dunning-Kruger Effect.  This cognitive bias is one of the most well-known barriers to self-awareness.  Psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger discovered that people with lower ability in a domain often overestimate their competence. Because they lack expertise, they also cannot accurately evaluate their own performance.  For example, someone new to software may believe they have mastered it after a brief introduction—while more experienced users recognize how much deeper the skill actually goes.  The overestimation can lead to mistakes and oversights.  As people gain expertise, their confidence often becomes more calibrated and realistic. 

4. Ego.  An inaccurate self-view can hinder leadership growth. For instance, a leader I was working with had a Direct Report submit a self-assessment on his performance review, and wrote “n/a” for what to improve.  When pressed, my client suggested to the Direct the topic of delegation to achieve results through others, rather than doing it all himself.  The Direct dismissed the feedback because he is so talented at getting his work done.  His progress is hampered because he cannot scale by doing all the work himself; he has to get results through his team.  To increase his awareness, the leader then provided a competency framework and clear expectations to get to the next level and help align his self-perception with reality.

5. Defensiveness.  When receiving feedback, we might disagree, believing we’re better than assessed.  For example, someone might think they’re a great listener despite feedback suggesting otherwise. In this case, asking for specific data points and providing evidence from peers, directs, and other stakeholders through anonymous 360 feedback is helpful. Seeing the negative impact can motivate change.  Another form of defensiveness is dismissal.  Some might say, "This is just how I am," or "I've been successful with these behaviors so far, why change?" Marshall Goldsmith says, "What got you here won’t get you there," highlighting that success often comes despite derailing tendencies, not because of them. Past successes do not guarantee future effectiveness.

6.  Lack of feedback.  Many people lack self-awareness because they seldom receive feedback, especially negative.  People avoid giving bad news or lack the skills to deliver it constructively.  This issue is more pronounced for senior leaders, who receive less accurate self-assessments as they climb higher, mainly due to a shortage of honest feedback and being limited to what they might be able to share with others.  One study showed a leader frequently interrupting others was unaware of it, illustrating the loneliness at the top, where they are often surrounded by yes-people.

Benefits of Self-Awareness 

Despite these challenges, developing self-awareness provides powerful advantages.

1. Reduces Stress & Regulates Emotions.  Self-awareness helps us understand and manage our emotional responses. Research in cognitive psychology shows that when individuals reflect on their values and interpret stress as a challenge rather than a threat, they experience lower stress levels and greater resilience. Reflecting on our core values, goals, and principles helps us regulate stress and respond more deliberately. By recognizing our emotional triggers, we can choose thoughtful responses rather than reacting impulsively.

2. Greater performance and Focus.  Research suggests that high performers tend to be more self-aware.  Visionary leaders know what they want to achieve and how their actions affect others.  Self-awareness allows us to focus on the right opportunities and keep emotions from holding us back.

3. Stronger leadership.  Tasha Eurich’s book "Insight" found that internal self-awareness is critical for successful leaders.  They know their strengths, weaknesses, needs, goals, and how they come across.  This is in contrast to clueless leaders who tend to be ineffective.  Great leaders continuously ask questions to diagnose their needs and goals and wonder what blind spots they may have.  Maslow said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”

4. Enhances Authenticity.  Nancy McKinstry, CEO of Wolters Kluwer said, “You can’t be authentic if you are not self-aware.  How can you be transparent and open, talk about your goals, or share how you influence change without self-awareness?”  It enables transparency, openness, and the ability to influence change. 

5. Increases humility.   Self-aware individuals know what they are good at and what they are not.  Even confident individuals can acknowledge their ignorance in certain areas, fostering curiosity and humility.  Steve Jobs, for example, was aware of his limitations and welcomed disagreements.   He held strong convictions but was willing to change his mind when presented with better information.   Ed Catmull shared a story about Jobs, who wanted Apple to make the iPad before the iPhone.  However, his team convinced him otherwise, and he agreed.  He insisted that Apple provide the app despite his team’s disagreement.   When the iPhone launched, Jobs quickly realized his team was right and changed his mind, demonstrating his ability to adapt and embrace humility.   

Developing self-awareness is crucial for overcoming personal and professional challenges. It allows us to break free from ignorance, understand our unique backgrounds, manage cognitive biases, and receive constructive feedback. By fostering self-awareness, we can reduce stress, improve performance, enhance leadership, and cultivate authenticity and humility.  Embrace these practices to unlock your full potential and achieve greater success

Quote of the day: “If we think of this existence of the individual as a larger or smaller room, it appears evident that most people learn to know only a corner of their room, a place by the window, a strip of floor on which they walk up and down.”  – Rainer Maria Rilke

Question: What do you see as the biggest challenges of self-awareness?  When is ignorance bliss, or is it not?  Comment and share your experiences below; we’d love to hear.

The next blog in this series 3/3 will focus on ways to develop your self-awareness.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to raise their awareness to increase their performance, contact me to explore this topic further

What benefits have you experienced?

Optimize Your Energy By Cultivating A Healthy Mind (energy management series 3/5 )

An important part of maintaining our energy is cultivating a healthy mindset.  When we look at our beliefs and promote the ones that serve us and discount the ones that do not, we show up more energetically.

Here are some things to consider: 

1.  Cultivate conscious leadership.  In the book 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, Jim Dethmer explains two kinds of leaders, those who operate above the line (from a place of love) or those who work below the line (from a place of fear).  If you are above the line, you have a mindset of curiosity and learning, and believe that you have the power to choose the life you want to create.  If you function from below the line, you are more interested in being right than learning, mainly see yourself as a victim, and believe life is happening to you; you are choiceless.  You think your happiness lies in external circumstances (situations and other people determining your happiness) rather than assuming you can design your path.

The first step to cultivating conscious leadership is self-awareness; at any given time identifying where you are in the moment without judgment or shame or trying to avoid being below the line because as Dethmer notes, 95% of all leaders spend 98% in that space.  It is more important to recognize that you are there and think about how you want to make a productive shift.  Spending time below the line is a life-draining and disempowering experience because you wonder why bad things always happen to you, and then it becomes a perpetuating cycle because bad things continue to happen.  This is compared to being above the line, where you are empowered and living life from a point of choice.  Your most important moments are now and your next steps because that is what you can influence.

2. Reframe your experience.  Epictetus said,  “it is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”  Reframing is when you have a different take on a situation.  For example, if you are assigned a task from your boss that you do not want to do, you can agree and feel resentful or you can reframe it by thinking, maybe this person needs assistance, and I have a great opportunity to help and advance my skillset in the process.  This is not about discounting reality but about generating additional interpretations which will make you better for it.  In the Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haight said the reframe is key to happiness because it can give you a sense of well-being in minutes when you transform negative into positive thoughts.

3. Avoid rumination.  This term means to chew continuously and is how cows digest their food.  They chew, swallow, regurgitate it back up, chew again, swallow, and repeat.  For a human, it is when you constantly replay an unhelpful track in your mind, obsess over an event, and stress out with each replay.  For example, you and your colleague worked on a presentation, and your peer presented using “I” and not “we” language to give the illusion that they did all the work without your assistance, and you quickly get upset.  You could believe they did it purposely, tried to marginalize you, and instantly feel stressed, angry, and disappointed.  You leave work, head to the gym, and continue thinking about it.  You go home and tell your partner and share how unfair it was.  Each time you mention it, you prolong the negative feelings, and the next day at a team meeting, you erupt, and it devolves into an unproductive blame game.  Rumination is a killer to a healthy mindset and the thief of joy; it puts you in a sour mood, keeps you up at night, disrupts your ability to recover and recharge, impairs your executive functioning, and increases your chances of cardiovascular disease.  Similarly, co-rumination, where you get with a friend and take them through your loop while they are fueling you with the same negative energy may feel like a bonding experience in the moment, but it is unproductive because it stirs up tension in your mind and body.  It reinforces the perception that the world is an upsetting and difficult place with no power to change circumstances.  When you ruminate, it is like picking at a scab over and over again, it simply will not heal until you stop.

Here are some of the most effective ways I’ve found to address rumination:

A. Opt for reflection.  Reflection is more about gaining insight and understanding, rumination is about stewing in negative thoughts.  You can think about what the learning is and what you want to do about it.  You may conclude that a lesson you have from working with your coworker: the next time you ask them in advance how they plan to represent the work that gives you both credit.  You can take the initiative and offer to present it or divide the work where your coworker presents their parts, and you present your parts.  Reflection is powerful and productive because there is a way forward, it does not keep you stuck in your thinking, it keeps you expansive.

B. Create an action step.  You can frame the challenge as a problem to solve.  Identify what you are upset about and how you want to tackle it.  You may want to work backwards, think about what the outcome is and visualize that.  Then think about what you can do now and the most direct route to get there.  Returning to the example of your coworker taking all the credit, your desired outcome may be for you to share the impact of their actions on you and how it would be great for two things to happen.  You email them to set up a time to discuss how the experience impacted you and share your peace.  You can say, next time, you will be the one presenting or ask them to talk to your boss and set the record straight.  They can send a thank you email to the boss appreciating the positive feedback and how they worked equally hard and were crucial to success even though you did not present.  This is a more productive option than stewing and telling the person off.  When you supply an action step, think of one thing you can do (gain insight, adopt a new perspective, or have a conversation), then you can start to shift and feel better about the situation. 

C. Time box the worry.  If you cannot pivot to rest, repair, and recovery because you are still ruminating, you can schedule 15 mins. late in your day or in your work week to worry.  It is a brain hack because once you have scheduled time, it is easier for your brain to let go or dismiss it if it knows it will get taken care of at some point.   

4. Challenge thoughts and assumptions that are not serving you.  In The Work, Byron Katie explains how she suffers when she believes her thoughts so she employs a 4-step process to question her assumptions and promote the belief that there is joy in her all the time.  She asks:

1. Is the thought true?

2. Can I absolutely know it’s true?

3. What happens when I believe the thought?

4. Who would I be without that thought?  

Once she goes through these questions, she does the work to turn around the thought.  Sometimes, it is about letting go of something to make room for something else.  For example, if your boss emailed you and said you did not speak up in that meeting, you may think your boss is out to get you.  You may ask the second question but realize you cannot be 100% certain, and know that when you believe this, it completely demotivates you.  Without that thought, you would be somebody capable of addressing this situation productively.  After going through this process, you remain calm and set up a meeting to learn and discuss with your boss the context of that email.  You may learn another explanation, that your boss likes when you speak up because you add more value and can increase your visibility.  Believing that your boss has no faith in you versus your boss thinking you are not living up to your leadership potential makes a difference in your performance.  Breakthroughs happen when we challenge our assumptions because we have limiting beliefs we do not realize, they keep us playing small and in a box.  In the workplace, it is easy to spot some of these beliefs when teammates say, “that’s not how we do it here,” or “we tried that once, and it does not work in this industry.”  Also when people speak in absolutes and use words and phrases like “I should feel this way,” “I have to do this,” “I must win,” These are signals that people are putting themselves in a box.  Believing that you do not have a choice is one of the most common limiting beliefs; we hold ourselves back and operate with diminished energy when we do not confront these unhelpful ideas. 

To break this habit, make a list of your limiting beliefs and start to alter your language.  Instead of saying, “I have to do this,” you can say, “I get to do this,” and instead of saying, “why is this happening to me,” you can choose, “ this is happening for me because…”.  Who would you be and how would you act if you operated from this messaging?

5. Cultivate an “active and rest” and “strive and detach” mindset.  Including both active and rest energy are essential, it is like inhaling and exhaling.  Descartes savored his rest time, sleeping late, and sitting by a fireplace, reflecting, and writing until late afternoon.  Many struggle with balancing being a high performer, having big dreams, and working with their ambitions while also achieving success and being happy, and cultivating a sense of inner peace.   A great lesson on this comes from a Tibetan Buddhist tradition involving the creation and destruction of Mandalas (intricate designer circles made from colored sand.)  The term is Sanskrit, which means a container/circle of essence.  The Buddhist Monks work hard to create something masterful; they start by sketching a circle outline and then meticulously drop individual grains of sand to create a panoply of colors.  It is a process that can take hours and days.  When completed, they engage in a ritualist process of dismantling the Mandala.  They sweep up the sand and let it go into the ocean, symbolizing the transitory nature.  It is the concept of striving for something great and then being able to detach and let go; and allow the universe to do what it does because when you hold on so tightly to one thing, you cause yourself stress. 

6. Practice the Dichotomy of Control.  In life, there are always things in and out of your control and when you can categorize items in their proper place, you can free yourself from unnecessary heartburn.  The idea is to release energy around the things you cannot control like determining outcomes, and directing your energy on the things you can control such as your preparation and intentions.  For example, if you are giving a Ted talk, you can control what you write and how much you prepare to get ready for the moment, but you cannot control the audience’s reaction or how many views it will receive.  Save your energy for things that will move the needle, and be comfortable with the idea that whatever happens to things outside your control, it is ok; it is all part of the human experience.

7. Cultivate a strong identity beyond work.  Sometimes our struggles occur when we overidentify with one thing.  We may attach our entire self-worth to work, and then when we are experiencing stress at work, our world feels small and in disarray.  When we can foster a strong identity outside of work and have multiple sources of joy, it makes us more successful.  It is ok if work goes south because we have our salsa dance lessons, cooking classes, painting,  and other hobbies that satisfy us because we operate from our strengths.  We also have our loved ones that add energy to our lives.  We can better get through challenging times and transitions when we have many things in our lives to add small moments of bliss.

8. Cultivate authenticity.  When you are who you are in all realms of your life it preserves great energy.  In contrast, it takes a toll when you are happy and humorous at home and show up to work serious and strict.  Embrace who you are, if you are somebody who asks a lot of questions, do not entirely censor yourself.  If you know you are an introvert who gets easily overwhelmed at networking events, take some extended breaks so you can conserve energy and find ways to recharge.

For many of us, having a healthy and robust mindset does not just happen.  It takes intentionality and practice to promote excellent habits that will help us be at our best. 

Quote of the day: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Victor E. Frankl

Q: What are your routines for cultivating a healthy mindset?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 4/5 will focus on mind practices that will energize you.    

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create effective personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

Which practices keep your mind strong?

Your Personality Wiring is Impacting Your Habits (Habit Series 3/7)

The key to setting habits is to know yourself so you can customize your plan for change.  Not everybody is the same, what makes sense for some may not work for others, what seems like a hill to you may look like a mountain to me, so it is essential to experiment and find the approach that works best for you. 

One thing you can do is cast a wide net to get exposed to many ideas and then drill down on what you want to implement.  For example, you may spend time exploring all of your worst habits, then pick 1-3 to do some deeper reflection and double down on changes you want to make with those.  It is like deciding you want to be a better listener, you may briefly explore 10 books, but choose 2-3 to learn everything from and extrapolate main points, drown out the rest, and be intentional about applying those insights.

Before you jump into implementing habit changes, it could be helpful to explore your natural dispositions.  Here are a few variables to consider: 

1. Factor in your personality style.  Some people may have specific traits that are more conducive to particular approaches.  For example, you may be high in openness, and can more easily experiment with changes to satisfy your curiosity.   You may be high in consciousnesses and may want to follow the habit with a rigid structure instead of a more flexible approach. Are you somebody that can make the change by yourself, or would you do much better with a partner?  For example, we all know we should work out, but some choose to pay a personal trainer because we are more inclined to follow through when there is somebody else holding us accountable.

Beware of the information-action fallacy, which is the assumption that new information will lead to new action. You can read all the books on weight loss, but it does not mean you will enact any of the learnings, we are all human and need help, and some of us find it essential to the process. Executive Coach Marshall Goldsmith knows just how hard it is to change, that is why he checks in with his accountable buddy at the end of every day to reflect on his intentions.

2. Consider different approaches.  Some people prefer a phased approach v. an absolute approach.  With the former, you decide you want to give up coffee so, initially, you have coffee some days and decaf others, then after a while, you will have decaf coffee, and then decaf green tea until you break your coffee connection.  With the latter, you may think it is better to stop cold turkey. 

Indeed, not everybody is wired the same way.  Some people think it is helpful to change a lot of big habits all at once.  In his book Reverse Heart Disease, Cardiologist Dean Ornish shares a study that shows what can happen with dramatic lifestyle changes.  Some of his patients found it easier to say goodbye to all of their bad habits and embrace new ones and, in less than a month, they saw dramatic health benefits.  This is more the exception. Other research shows that when people tried one new behavior in one area, many of them were more successful than the people who tried to change a few new behaviors in many areas. This is especially true when it relates to what Charles Dughigg labels a keystone habit, that one thing you change which has a ripple effect on so many other things, which become easier to change. What approach compliments your personality?

3. Understand your response to change.  When you are first thinking about going for a run, it can cause nervousness, but after a while, you get used to it, and it becomes quite familiar.  Changes can be painful and uncomfortable initially, but eventually enjoyable.  The discomfort is only temporary because humans are incredible at adapting.  How well do you know your comfort level with the cycle of change? What’s your approach to dealing with change?

We all have natural dispositions that we can tap into to help with lasting behavior change.  When we consider our personality styles, strategic approaches, and comfort level with the change cycle, we can chart the best course of action that works for us.

Quote of the day: “People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits, and their habits decide their futures.”  -F.M. Alexander

Q:  What are your best and worst habits?  How do you maintain the good ones and how might you experiment with discarding the bad ones? Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you! 

[The next blog in this series 4/7 will focus on the impact of the environment on habit change]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to cultivate habits that serve them, contact me to explore this topic further.

How does your personality influence your decisions