Shifting Perceptions for a Promotable Future (Self-advocacy series 6/7)

If you find yourself passed over for a promotion but are determined to enact meaningful changes, there are effective strategies to shift perceptions and prepare for future opportunities.

According to Carol Kauffman, Founder of the Harvard Institute of Coaching, there can be a significant time lag between making behavioral improvements and others recognizing these changes, especially if prior behavior was viewed negatively. This transition can take several months, even up to a year. In cases where you've been labeled as challenging, stubborn, or self-centered, it may feel as if you're trapped in this perception.

Here are actionable steps to signal your growth and alter the way your supervisors and colleagues perceive you:

1. Promote Your Growth. Just as companies announce forthcoming product upgrades or service enhancements, market your efforts and substantiate your transformation with evidence. When a retail store undergoes renovation, they immediately inform customers, display a "coming soon" banner, and provide glimpses of the improved storefront or layout. You can apply this concept by openly sharing your personal development goals so they can begin to collect evidence to support those changes.  If you've received feedback about missing deadlines, communicate your commitment to meeting all deadlines without reminders.  If your manager sees you as someone who avoids problems instead of solving them, and you quietly change your behavior but don’t communicate what you are doing, they may not notice.  You can offer comments to show your proactively, such as, “I’m working on this challenge and maintaining full ownership until it is resolved. Here are some steps I’ve already taken; I’ll circle back when there is more to convey.”  If the same challenge arises in a larger team meeting, you can jump in and share that you are on the case and offer one thing you have done and your next step so they see you as having a good grasp of the situation.  You can also be diligent in your written communication.  If an email is sent to you and your manager, it is helpful to respond as soon as possible, letting them know you are on top of it and offering some next steps so they restore faith in your abilities.  When you alter your underlying behavior and showcase it, you start to create a new reputation. 

Bradley Cooper embarked on a similar issue of altering his reputation.  He is famous for being an incredible actor with hits like American Sniper and the Hangover Series and has received numerous academy awards, and is one of the highest-paid actors.  While his reputation was strong as an actor, he felt underutilized and wanted to Direct so when he pitched A Star Is Born to Warner Brothers, it was a big leap.  He got the job, received many Oscar nominations, and is widely recognized for being much more than a skilled actor.

2. Consistent Demonstrated Behavior. Consistently demonstrate the desired behaviors or qualities that you want others to perceive in you. For example, if you want to be seen as a proactive problem solver, consistently take the initiative to address challenges and find solutions. Send email updates without reminders to inform others of what’s going on. Over time, your actions will reinforce the new perception you're aiming for.

3. Demonstrate Leadership. Take on leadership roles and responsibilities within your organization or community. Leadership positions often have opportunities to showcase your abilities and qualities to a broader audience. Being a proactive leader who leads by example can change perceptions about your capabilities and potential for growth. 

3. Seek Feedback. Actively seek feedback to keep your changes at the forefront of others' minds. If you are working on improving your meeting management skills, engage your colleagues by informing them of your objective and requesting their input. Afterward, follow up with them to gather feedback on your progress. Regularly checking in on your goals will make others more aware of your efforts.

4. Seek Mentorship and Role Models. Seek mentorship from individuals with the qualities or skills you want to be known for. Learn from their experiences and let their guidance help shape your behavior and mindset. Having role models can provide real-life examples to emulate and inspire positive changes in how others perceive you.

5. Evaluate Alternative Paths.  In cases where the gap in perception seems insurmountable or when you lose motivation to change the situation, consider exploring new opportunities elsewhere. Sometimes, a fresh start in a different environment can offer the best path to advancement.

By focusing on these strategies, you can effectively change how others perceive your professional skills, capabilities, and potential.  

Quote of the day: “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Question:  How do you best shift perceptions? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you.

The next blog in this series 7/7 will focus on promoting your team. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you shift perceptions?

Mastering the Art of Promotion Requests: More Tips and Strategies (Self-advocacy series 5/7)

In the previous article, we delved into three crucial factors for seeking a promotion: accomplishments, vision, and passion.  This article will expand on these aspects and explore additional valuable tips.

1. Seek Endorsements from Allies.  Harness the power of endorsements from colleagues who can vouch for your leadership potential.  Approach them in advance to gauge their support and ask how they would describe your qualifications for a promotion. This not only strengthens your case but also provides insights for improvement.

2. Identify Decision Makers.  Promotions often involve a committee, especially at the higher levels. Discover their criteria and seek opportunities to collaborate with key decisionmakers on projects to showcase your capabilities and gain their support.

3. Have a Plan B.  If a promotion is not immediately available, consider alternative benefits. Request support for professional development, executive or leadership coaching, training opportunities, tuition reimbursement, or membership into professional organizations. Maybe they can connect you with a mentor so you can learn another part of the business, or you can ask to attend key executive meetings so you can gain greater visibility to the broader part of how the company operates, or push for a flexible schedule so you can enhance your skills and value.

If they say no to your promotion because of promotion freezes by the company and not because you are not ready, you can ask if you would have their support next time and get that verbal agreement in advance.

If they say no because they feel you are not ready, try not to leave the conversation unless you are clear on the 2-3 things to focus on to get promoted in the next cycle. You can ask what are two skills that people in that position demonstrate so you can start working on them.  Or, is there something you should stop doing that would help you advance in your career?

4. Cultivate and Leverage Authentic Relationships.   Before vying for a promotion, you should build a reputation as somebody who builds good relationships and is a team player.  Be willing to jump in for others, offer support, build on their ideas, and celebrate them.  When you realize that somebody is having trouble with a new program, volunteer to jump in and share so you can fast-track their learning; those gestures go a long way.  Maybe you hear another leader having trouble finding certain information, and that’s your area of expertise; you can email the information even without being asked to do so.

Also, it is okay to leverage relationships which are at the heart of building many successful careers. Madeline Albright got to know Bill Clinton and wrote him a recommendation, and then he returned the favor and nominated her to a critical political position; of course, she was qualified, but many other people were as well.  Men are good at exchanging favors, whereas women tend to give their time to help without expecting something in return.  This is what a typical exchange can look like for many women, your coworker John says, “Can you fill in the meeting for me tomorrow?” You respond, “I don’t think so, I have a lot going on.” He pushes and says, “I have another meeting where a key decision needs to be made and if I don’t show, that project will be delayed by weeks.  You relent and say, ok and he says thanks.  That should not be the end of the exchange.  It would help if you then signaled reciprocity.  “Sure, I’ll fill in, but I need your help on Thurs. morning to get this part of the work done.”   If you have no upcoming work that needs to get done, you can say, “You owe me one if I need coverage later on.  Sound good?”

5. Speak confidentially. Don’t be tentative in describing your skills and experience.  For example, “I’ve never held a position like this before so I’m not sure if my skills are an exact match.”  It seems like more of an issue for women because less qualified men are much bolder.  They may say, “I have exactly the skills you seek and easily meet the requirements because I’m excellent in x, y, and z.”  Replace your tentative language: “I think I can contribute,” with stronger language: “Here is how I plan to contribute;” “My track record shows that I’ll be able to…”

6. Define Your Desired Role.  You should know the role you are going for to make your case.  If the organization has created a new role, it is an excellent opportunity to define it as you cocreate the details.  If you suggest a new position, map out a job description while leaving space for them to add their thoughts, generating greater buy-in.  You are trying to make it easy for the other person to say yes, and if they have yet to learn the specifics of the role, they are more likely to say no because there are too many factors to consider.

7. Increase Market Rate Awareness.  Research market rates for similar roles at other companies to understand your value.  Internally, research on compensation packages of peers in comparable positions with similar team sizes should be gathered to negotiate effectively. 

8. Demonstrate Competencies.  Showcase how you already possess the competencies required for the next level. If there are some that you are not doing, you can offer your plan to fill those gaps.   

9. Address Concerns. Proactively address any concerns or reservations that decisionmakers may have. Offer practical solutions and share your vision for overcoming potential challenges.  For example, they may be worried that you have never run a team more than 10 so 30 is too big of a stretch.  You can walk through your vision of how you would manage that challenge.  Or, if you now have to start a partnership with the engineering team but have little exposure, you can talk about your plan to build relationships and collaborate efficiently.

10. Be Tactful in Disclosing Weaknesses.  Sharing your development gaps can be helpful, especially when you have an environment of trust and support.  When somebody has power over your pay and promotion, you can also be cautious, especially if you are unsure about the trust and depths of your relationship.  Instead of saying, “I have imposter syndrome running this team that are more experienced and older than me.” I would frame it in seeking advice.  “You have always been so helpful; I would love to learn your approach to running teams that have more experience than you?”

11. Correcting Misconceptions.  If you encounter misinterpretations or inaccuracies in feedback, address them promptly.  I was working with a leader once who was asking questions about a new vision that was rolled out.  The HRBP, who was in the meeting, labeled him as not quick to get on board.  There were no other data points to support that statement, yet feedback followed him for a long time.  When that happens, be sure to correct the record.  Schedule time with the person who gave the feedback to try to understand it better.  See if there are examples they can provide.  Share what you have been doing to bring people along.  Provide context for your approach. e.g., “At the beginning of a new initiative, I tend to ask many questions to gain greater understanding. It is so I am better prepared to answer questions that I will get from my team. The number of questions is more related to deeply understanding it than questioning your vision.”

12. Interview Elsewhere.  This is helpful because you learn about other opportunities, better understand your worth, and refine your self-presentation.  If you get an offer, you can take it to your boss as a powerful negotiating tool.  Sometimes, companies are reluctant to promote from within too quickly, but when faced with losing you, they magically find money because letting you go is more expensive than paying the extra money you want.  In fact, it can cost companies up to 100k or more to bring somebody in and onboard them.

13. Avoid Bluffing.  Honestly is essential. Never claim to have another offer unless you genuinely intend to accept it. Bluffing can damage your credibility and future promotion prospects. 

By incorporating these additional strategies into your promotion request process, you can effectively enhance your chances of success and navigate the complexities of career advancement.

Quote of the day: "If you don't ask, you don't get." - Mahatma Gandhi

Question.  Who do you know that is great at asking for a promotion?  What was their approach and why were they effective? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 6/7 will focus on ways to showcase your growth to shift perspectives. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you gain allies before you ask for a promotion?

Making your promotion case: Preparing for Career Advancement Conversations (Self-advocacy series 4/7)

Asking for a promotion or raise can be intimidating, often causing individuals to shy away from a potentially uncomfortable conversation. However, it's crucial to advocate for yourself and seize opportunities for professional growth. In this article, we will explore three key steps to put your promotion case together and be ready for the conversation.

1. Document Your accomplishments.  Before approaching the conversation, document your top 3-5 achievements across various work areas.  Specify the strategies you employed, the results achieved, and the context in which you operated. For instance, describe how when you took over the customer success team at the beginning of the year, they lacked infrastructure and fell short of their targets.  You restructured the team, defined clear roles and responsibilities, introduced new metrics and processes, and achieved a 10% customer growth during layoffs and fewer resources. 

You can document your wins as a leader and the impact on teams and culture.  Maybe you have created a high-performing team that receives consistent positive feedback from key cross-functional partners and have gotten your people promoted and recognized throughout the organization.   For culture, perhaps you led successful offsites that resulted in more cohesive teams and the reduction of silos or put in place a series of cultural practices that have increased engagement and morale, innovation, retention, and high performance.  Or, you are a great culture carrier and can be relied on to do the right thing and represent the organization the way it wants.

It is helpful to keep a running list of accomplishments that you add to monthly so that when it is time for your promotion, you already have the information; it is just a matter of packaging it into three big advancements.  If you are not delivering your results, it may be challenging to get promoted.  In that case, do not just evaluate the last six months to a year, but look at a longer horizon to see how the context and global factors have played a role.  Maybe the expectations have shifted, and your new bar for success should be just maintaining the current customer base rather than gaining 5% additional customers because this is in the context of your competitors seeing a norm of 10% loss.  You could have set your goals when the context was much different, so you must adjust expectations. 

2. Share Your Vision & Benefits.  If your track record and accomplishments are about the past, the other focus should be on your future potential and how you show you are a franchise player.  What is your vision for your role and the department in the short and long term?  Where do you want to take it?   Connect the dots to demonstrate how your promotion can benefit your unit, other teams, and the entire organization.   Explain how the promotion will empower you to accomplish more.  Consider how it will enhance your ability to collaborate with other department heads because they want to work with their title peers.  If you are already great at people management, a bigger team will allow you to have more impact in bringing out people’s best, contributing to engagement and retention, and the goal of entering new markets.  Always tie your case back to the business benefits and the advantages for the team and company.

2A. Use the “I /We” Formula.  Alexander Carter, Columbia Law Professor & Negotiation Expert advocates using this formula to emphasize multiple benefits.  “Here’s what I’m asking, and here’s how we, as an organization, will benefit from my enhanced role.”   “If you bring me in at the VP level, we, as an organization will benefit from the combination of operational and technical experience.”  Making a case that is just about you is a losing proposition.  For example, “I really need this because my kid is entering college this year.”  Aim to maintain your objectivity.

2B. Identify Your Successor.  In your vision, name your potential successor.  Ideally, you have been grooming them to step into your role seamlessly.  If this is not the case, perhaps your possible appointment recently took a job elsewhere, outline a plan to prepare an internal candidate or consider external hiring to bridge any skill gaps needed for the team’s growth.   

3. Convey Passion.  Express your enthusiasm and passion for a more extensive scope and opportunity. Make it clear why you're driven to take on more responsibility and how it will invigorate your work. Demonstrating your eagerness reduces uncertainty and inspires confidence in those who support your advancement and may be taking risks. Let your passion shine through to energize yourself and also those around you.

When it comes to requesting a promotion, preparation is critical.  Have a concise statement highlighting your current achievements, aspirations, and the reasons driving your pursuit. 

Quote of the day. “Opportunities don’t happen. You create them.” -Chris Grosser

Question of the Day. What lessons have you learned about asking for a promotion?  What worked and what hasn’t? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 5 /7 will focus on refined strategies for influencing. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your approach to asking for a promotion?

Strategies To Elevate Your Work Visibility? (self-advocacy series 3/7)

In the preceding two articles, we delved into the challenges of self-promotion and the importance of cultivating new beliefs to boost your career visibility. Once you've grasped the significance of making your work more visible, especially if you operate behind the scenes, it's time to explore practical steps to reshape the outcome.

Let’s explore strategies for enhancing the visibility of your work:

1. Excel in Your Work.  The foundation of increased visibility begins with consistently delivering exceptional work.  Establishing a reputation as someone who consistently completes tasks correctly and efficiently without reminders, makes you a reliable and valuable asset.  Colleagues will see you as a dependable and high-yield investment of their time and resources.

2. Foster Mutually Supportive Relationships.  Publicly championing the successes of others can pave the way for solid alliances.  When you celebrate the achievements of your colleagues, they are more likely to reciprocate, resulting in a robust network of support.

3. Seek Feedback.  It's easy to underestimate your accomplishments.  Soliciting feedback from trusted individuals offers an external perspective that helps you comprehensively understand your achievements, enabling you to communicate them more effectively.

Additionally, Leadership Expert Liz Wiseman suggests these approaches for tactfully drawing attention to your contributions:

1. Providing Informative Updates.  Sharing an FYI on tasks you've completed to make others' work easier can boost your visibility. For instance, “I took care of the list of escalated issues from yesterday’s executive meeting, so you don’t need to worry about them.”   This notification demonstrates your commitment and reliability.

2. Optimize processes.   If your work involves routine processes, consider innovating and optimizing them. Successful innovations garner appreciation, while unsuccessful attempts will still draw attention to your dedication to improvement.

3. Delegate to Highlight Workload.  Delegating some of your responsibilities, especially those that often go unnoticed, can highlight the complexity of your workload. Others may better appreciate your contributions when they experience firsthand what’s on your plate.  When you take a couple of weeks off and truly unplug (not getting a few things done here and there or being responsive to calls) and your boss has to assume parts of your work, they will have a newfound appreciation when they learn the full scope of your tasks.  This is also what Debra Stepple, Sr. VP of Tech and Marketing Functions for a financial planning company experienced in her personal domain.  When she was forced to spend several months on pregnancy-related bedrest, her husband assumed some of her duties including carrying the laundry up two flights of stairs. He realized how hard it must be for his wife who is just over 5 feet to manage the massive family load.  When she got better, he never gave her back that task because the full depth of her work was only seen once he experienced it.

4. Seize Key Moments.  Skilled waiters who work efficiently in the background know how to step forward in crucial moments.  Right before they deliver the bill, they may let you see the work they have done on your behalf by saying, “Just to let you know I put a rush on your order to ensure you get to the theater on time.” You too can seize opportunities to come to the forefront strategically. When your boss acknowledges your excellent work, you can express interest in future opportunities. E.g., “I see we have a meeting next week; I have more ideas to contribute.  Would it be helpful for me to get added to the agenda?” 

5. Show Your work.  When you simply tell somebody what you have done, they may not comprehend the full scope of all the tricky challenges involved.  Much like a math problem, presenting a final answer may give the impression of simplicity.  However, displaying all the smaller steps in the process reveals the complexity and effort behind your results. 

5A. Focus on the Process & Results.  To show the process, you can start with the challenges and share the strategies/steps you employed, and then you can share the outcomes and lessons you’ve learned for future projects.

5B. Stick to the Facts.  You can guide others to draw favorable conclusions when you share the facts and do not offer your interpretations.  For example, instead of saying “I’m an expert writer,” you can say, “I’ve published ten articles on this topic.”  Rather than saying, I’m an excellent leader,” you can say, “Since I took over the team, we have seen sales double.”  Rather than you making sweeping generalizations, let them come to their conclusions based on your data.

6 Share Evidence of Success.  Periodically share compliments and feedback you receive with your leaders. For example, “I am thrilled by the result of this campaign and grateful for the team’s support.  I was equally excited when the client shared a testimonial.  I aim to continue wowing this client so we can land even bigger campaigns.”   You can even encourage your customers and collaborators to share positive feedback directly with your leaders. 

6A Assist your Boss in Showcasing your Victories.  You can also help your boss package the wins to their leadership teams.  When there is a significant accomplishment, you can thank your boss for the opportunity to work on the project and how excited you were with what the team accomplished.  You can say, you were especially proud of these two things and distill the successes, so it is top of mind for them to share upwardly.

Enhancing the visibility of your work involves a blend of strategy and effective communication. By consistently delivering outstanding results, fostering supportive relationships, and sharing your successes in a structured and factual manner, you can ensure that your contributions are recognized and valued appropriately.

Quote of the day. "Your work is your responsibility, no matter the task. Own it. Adapt it. Elevate it." - Jason Taylor

Question of the day.  What helpful tips can you offer to make your work more visible? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 4/7 will focus on how to ask for a promotion.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you make your work more visible?

More Challenges Holding You Back from Self-Promotion (self-advocacy series 2/7)

In the previous article, we explored two top challenges related to self-promotion. This article will delve into additional common challenges individuals may face in their journey toward effective advocacy.

1. Overcoming Shyness.  Many people are reticent to talk about their accomplishments in front of others because they may not know what to say or how to say it. 

·      Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone.  Leadership often involves moving beyond what’s familiar to develop new skills.  You may be good at back-of-the-room leadership, doing great work behind the scenes but it’s also essential to know how to excel when front-of-the-room leadership is required.  While initial awkwardness may occur when you are developing this muscle, it means you are learning and doing hard things, and the long-term personal growth benefits will eclipse the short-term pains.

2. Letting Your Work Speak for Itself.  In How Women Rise, Sally Helgeson labels this career-limiting habit as “expecting others to spontaneously notice and reward your hard work.”  This passive approach can hinder your career progression.

·      Taking Initiative.  People are too busy to notice what you are doing, they are in non-stop meetings, have full agendas, and are working hard to hit their deadlines.  Rather than take this passive approach, speaking about the work and providing context that highlights its quality is better.  Nobody will be able to advocate for yourself the way you can, and how can you get recognized by leadership if they have no visibility into the work you are doing?

3. Managing Busyness.  Some feel like they have a million things going on and do not have the headspace to think about how they will share what they are doing.  This is especially true if you are a high achiever who cares about being a good leader;  you are usually always in action mode and do not have time to reflect, zoom out, and think about how you can position yourself.

·      Viewing Self-Promotion as Essential. Rather than consider self-advocacy as a separate task, view it as an integral part of your job.  When a company develops a new product, that’s only part of their work.  They then have to market it.  If you think you are too busy, you will stay in your current role and not prepare for what’s next.  It is essential to take time to step back and prioritize your career advancement because nobody will manage your career the way you can.

4. Balancing Enjoying Good Work.  Some individuals find great satisfaction in helping others and believe that getting recognized is secondary.   While valuing good work is commendable, recognition is essential for career progression.

·      Reframing Recognition.  The acknowledgment of your contributions can lead to more significant opportunities to make a broader impact.  Avoid being pigeonholed and overlooked for growth opportunities by ensuring your work is noticed and appreciated.

5. Navigating the Double Bind.  In some cultures, stereotypes about gender and leadership may pose unique challenges regarding self-promotion, particularly for women. Traditional ideals of leadership are often associated with qualities such as decisiveness, assertiveness, and independence, which can align more closely with masculinity.  Conversely, women are expected to exhibit traits like nurturing and selflessness. This disconnect places female leaders in a double bind, where they must navigate a delicate balance between demonstrating competence and likability. Research has shown that women excelling in traditionally male-dominated fields may be perceived as competent but less likable than their male counterparts. Behaviors considered self-confidence and assertiveness in men may be viewed as arrogance or abrasiveness in women. On the other hand, women who adopt a conventionally feminine leadership style may be liked but not respected, as they may be seen as too emotional or soft to make tough decisions. These challenges underscore that self-promotion can be more complex for certain groups.

·      Defying Stereotypes.  It's important to acknowledge that these challenges persist, and people may form perceptions of you even when you're not actively self-promoting. Ruth Bader Ginsberg, a former Supreme Court Justice who graduated at the top of her class at Columbia Law School, faced jealousy and derogatory comments from male colleagues. Her response, "better to be called a bitch than mouse (and not ever speaking up)," highlights the importance of not shrinking oneself to conform to others' expectations. Had women in the 70s been overly concerned with meeting societal expectations, the management field would be largely devoid of women. It's crucial not to diminish yourself to please others; instead, approach this challenge with thoughtfulness and intention.

·     Challenging Perceptions.  Another valuable strategy is to challenge others' definitions and perceptions. For instance, if someone labels you ambitious, inquire about their definition. If their definition carries a negative connotation (doing whatever you can to get to the top), provide your interpretation (someone eager to maximize opportunities and rise through the ranks to make a significant impact). By taking control of the narrative and asserting your definitions, you can effectively navigate the complexities of self-promotion in the face of societal stereotypes.

Overcoming these common challenges can pave the way for effective self-promotion and career advancement, ensuring that your accomplishments receive the recognition they deserve.

Quote of the day: "The most important career decision you'll ever make is whether you will promote yourself." - Clare Boothe Luce 

Question:  What effective strategies do you employ to self-promote?  Who do you know that does this well, and what do they do? Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 3/7 will focus on specific approaches to elevating your work.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively including strategically self-promoting, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you promote yourself graciously?

Mastering Self-Advocacy: Overcoming Common Challenges (self-advocacy series 1/7)

Self-promotion can be daunting, often leaving individuals grappling with concerns about how they will be perceived when discussing their accomplishments.  The fear of coming across as arrogant or self-centered can deter people from effectively showcasing their skills and achievements. However, self-promotion is not an all-or-nothing proposition; a third way allows individuals to promote their work artfully and tactfully, thereby advancing their careers. 

This article will explore two common challenges hindering self-promotion and strategies to overcome them.  The second article in this series will delve into additional obstacles that individuals may encounter in the quest for effective self-advocacy.      

1. Avoiding Bragging

Concerns about sounding arrogant or self-centered when self-promoting are valid, especially if you are constantly using “I” and not acknowledging other’s efforts or putting down peers, such as, “Unlike my peers, I exceeded my goals…”. However, there is a way to discuss your work without sounding cocky.

·       Educational opportunity.  Reframe self-promotion as an opportunity to educate others.  By sharing your work, including the challenges and lessons learned, you provide valuable insights to your colleagues.   It also signals to others that they can seek your assistance if you possess specific expertise demonstrated through recent projects.  In the 1990s, Intel faced a similar challenge of insufficient promotion despite being the market leader in microprocessors, renowned for their technical superiority and high-quality products.  Their microprocessors outperformed competitors' chips, offering faster speeds and enhanced capabilities. However, there was a disconnect between their exceptional technology and consumer awareness. To address this issue, Intel launched a successful branding campaign by incorporating its "Intel Inside" logo on computers. This initiative effectively raised Intel's visibility, making it a household name and influencing consumer choices. The lesson here is that, like Intel, individuals should enhance their visibility to ensure their value is recognized.

·       Better Utilization.  Sharing your skillsets helps the company better understand how to leverage your abilities efficiently.  This prevents misaligned job requisitions and ensures your skills are put to their best use.  It also helps them avoid bringing in other people if they have somebody who can already do aspects of the job.

·       Focus on High Achievers.  Companies sometimes pay disproportionate attention to people who are not meeting benchmarks and ignore those blowing it out of the water. There is a real business case for shifting that attention and those resources to the high performers because they will likely be flight risks if they feel underutilized.  At the same time, organizations will be left with average employers.

·       Informing new leaders.  There are times when new leaders come into the company, and they do not know your track record, so it may take a while for them to learn all your capabilities and interests. Having that information on the sooner side is so helpful so they can best leverage your talents.   The more you share what you have done, what you are proud of, what you have learned that might benefit others, and what you want to do next, the easier it is for them to utilize you.

·       Creating an Equitable Playing Field.   Failure to share your accomplishments can disproportionately affect women, as men often get promoted based on potential while women rely on their track record for recognition. 

·       Controlling Efforts and Ignoring Unhelpful Opinions.   You cannot control what others think, but you can control your efforts to share your passions and accomplishments.  Your sharing has the potential to give you visibility and propel your career.  You can choose not to share anything, and they can still think all those things about you anyway, yet you have missed the possible benefit. 

2. Being a Team Player.   Some believe sharing their achievements may overshadow the team's work or negatively impact their image as a team player. However, there is a balance that allows you to highlight both individual contributions and team success.

·      Recognize Great Teamwork.  It is easy to fall into either/or mindset – thinking that sharing your achievements means you aren't a team player.  However, every team comprises individuals who naturally desire recognition for their efforts. With this in mind, you can appreciate the team's great work while also recognizing individual contributions to success. This phenomenon is common in sports, where the team's victory is celebrated alongside specific standout moments like a critical defensive stop, a key goal, or a game-winning pass. It aligns with Social Psychologist Marilynn Brewer's Optimal Distinctiveness Theory, which suggests that at every level, people seek to belong to a team while having a unique role to play. Balancing both individual and collective recognition is essential.

Self-promotion is a crucial skill for career growth, and this article addressed two common challenges: the fear of bragging and concerns about being seen as a team player. You can overcome these obstacles by reframing self-advocacy positively and balancing individual recognition with teamwork.   Stay tuned for more insights in the next article on mastering self-promotion and advancing your career.

Quote of the day: "Don't be afraid to shine; the world needs your light as much as you need it to grow." - Matshona Dhliwayo, Philosopher & Author

Question:  What is the biggest challenge you have in promoting yourself?  Comment and share below; we’d love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/7 will focus on additional challenges and strategies with self-promotion.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to communicate effectively, including strategically self-promoting; contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you advocate for yourself?

Cultivating Commitment: A Guide to Securing Workplace Buy-in (Influence Series 4/4)

When you are successful with influence, you get buy-in or explicit agreement or commitment from others, often toward an idea, proposal, or project.  Buy-in indicates that the stakeholders or team members understand, support, and are committed to the initiative.

Let’s delve into practical strategies for obtaining buy-in with your team.  This same approach can be used with other groups you seek to gain support.

1. Fostering Open Dialogue and Collaboration.  Create space to collect as many voices as possible.  If you bring ideas to a project team and notice they are bouncing around with only a few voices dominating, invite the quieter team members to share their thoughts.  You can request that each member shares once before anybody else goes for a second time. This will validate the presence of all members, possibly solicit winning ideas from unexpected sources, and solidify the buy-in process as you incorporate the collective wisdom in the room and bring others along.

2. Offering Options.  Choice is a powerful motivator.  Consider a scenario where you need to implement a new software system.  By presenting the team with two vetted options and allowing them to select the one they prefer, you are not making a decision but rather empowering the team to shape their work environment. 

3. Encouraging Initiative.  There is something about owning an idea that ignites a drive in people.  When faced with a challenge, asking team members to propose solutions first can lead to innovation and a stronger commitment to the project’s success. For example, when a sales team faces declining numbers, the manager could ask each member to suggest strategies before proposing their ideas.  This can result in a team fully invested in the turnaround plan they helped craft.

4. Clarifying Roles While Encouraging Autonomy.  Clarity breeds confidence.  When everyone knows ‘what’ needs to be done but has the freedom to decide ‘how’, they’re most invested.  Take a software development team: the Team Lead outlines the feature requirements but leaves the implementation approach to the developer’s expertise, enhancing their ownership and accountability.

5. Encouraging Inquiry.  Questions are the pickaxes of understanding.  Allowing team members to ask questions during the decision-making process does not just clarify; it deepens their engagement.  It’s like a product development team querying the specifics of user feedback. It leads to a product that not only meets but exceeds expectations.

6. Practicing Empathy.  Understanding team members' daily experiences and challenges can transform the approach to influence.  For example, a manager considering a shift to remote work takes the time to understand each employee’s home setup and responsibilities, tailoring solutions that work for all.  Buy-in is more easily obtained when you are in touch with their realities.

Securing buy-in is an artful blend of communication, choice, and empathy.  Effective leaders listen actively, provide choices, and practice empathy, weaving individual commitments into a tapestry of collective success. The true measure of influence is the shared enthusiasm and dedication it inspires.

Quote of the day: You can’t inspire people if you are going to be uninspiring’ -Robert Reich

What has worked for you in securing buy-in at work?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

Gaining buy-in for your ideas is an essential skill

The Power of Persuasion: Harnessing Cialdini’s Framework for Influential Leadership (Influence Series 3/4)

The last blog explored numerous ways to influence.  This one will focus on one model from renowned author Robert Cialdini, an American Psychologist and Professor who wrote a popular book on persuasion and marketing.  He found that influence is based on six key principles: reciprocity, commitment and consistency, social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity.  A 7th principle of unity was added later.  

Here is what the concepts are all about and their applications to the workplace:

1. Reciprocity:  People have a natural tendency to reciprocate when someone does something for them. If you do a favor for someone, they are more likely to feel obligated to do something in return.  When working on a team or project, offer to help your colleagues when they need assistance.  They are more likely to reciprocate and help you in return and relationships can naturally blossom.

2. Commitment and Consistency: Once people make a commitment or take a stand on a particular issue, they tend to behave in ways that are consistent with that commitment. They want to align their actions with their stated beliefs. When presenting an idea or proposal, highlight how it aligns with the company's mission or previous decisions, emphasizing consistency with past actions to bring others along.

3. Social Proof:  People often look to the behavior of others as a guide for their own actions. When they see that many others are doing something, they are more likely to follow suit. Share success stories or case studies of how others in your organization have achieved positive results using a particular strategy or product.

Use testimonials and reviews to demonstrate that your product or service has been well-received by others in the industry.

4. Authority:  People tend to trust and obey authority figures.  They are more likely to be influenced by someone who is perceived as knowledgeable, credible, or an expert in a particular domain.  When presenting, establish your expertise by citing research, experience, or relevant qualifications.  Collaborate with influential figures or experts in your field to lend credibility to your initiatives or projects.

5. Liking: People are more easily influenced by those they like or feel a connection with so aim to find common interests. Building rapport and establishing a positive relationship can enhance your ability to persuade others, and a great way to do that is by showing genuine interest in their needs and concerns. 

6. Scarcity: The idea that something is scarce or in limited supply can make it more desirable to people.  They may be motivated to take action to acquire it before it's gone.  Create a sense of urgency around important projects or deadlines to motivate team members to prioritize their work.  Offer limited-time promotions or discounts to encourage customers to make purchasing decisions more quickly.

7. Unity: The more we identify ourselves with others, the more we are influenced by them.  Taking time to find commonalities through one-on-one engagements or team-building activities will allow you to build a good rapport and influence others.  You can emphasize common goals and values.

Cialdini’s principles provide a robust framework for ethical persuasion that can be applied to the workplace.  These concepts can enhance your ability to navigate team dynamics and inspire action. Influence, when rooted in authenticity, can drive progress and strengthen bonds within any organization.

Quote of the day: “The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority.” -Ken Blanchard

Which principle do you find to be the hardest and easiest to apply in the workplace?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on getting buy-in.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

How are you successful with influencing?

Influence in Action: Strategies Beyond Initial Planning (Influence Series 2/4)

In the previous blog, we navigated the intricate landscape of influence – uncovering the preparatory steps to set the stage for effective persuasion. This article will focus on what comes after the groundwork is already laid.

Let’s jump into some refined strategies for influencing:

1. Adapt your approach depending on the audience.   Influence is not a one-size-fits-all; tailor your style to match the audience, and if you are unsure, ask others their preferred style.

·      When you are trying to work cross-functionally and need to win the support of a peer you may want to opt for a bridging approach, which is all about building coalitions sometimes by making concessions to reach outcomes that satisfy your greater interest. 

·      If you are in crisis and people are relying on you to be decisive, you may want to use an asserting approach where you insist on the importance of your idea, making the call to run a pilot and revisit later.  

·      If you are dealing with a leader who heavily relies on logic, like a CFO, you may want to use a convincing approach based on logic, data, and expertise.  

2. Ask and enroll rather than tell.  Instead of presenting solutions immediately, ask open-ended questions to understand others’ challenges and perspectives and learn best about root causes.  Some questions include: What’s really going on here, how long has it been going on, what have you tried, why didn’t it work, what will be different, etc.  So many times, people will say, I need training on X, but it turns out that it would only treat the symptom because they really need Y. Dive deep to uncover the source and comprehensively understand their needs. 

Avoid dictating solutions; rather, involve others in the process. Right before the pandemic, an Executive client of mine told me that he presented to senior leaders a body of evidence that people who can work out of the office part-time tend to be happier, more productive, and will likely stay so he wanted to run a remote Friday experiment.  Immediately, the other leaders responded with reasons why they could not do that, and it was because he came in sounding like a preacher who saw the light and had the answers to a complex problem.  A better approach is to share an observation (“I am interested in the movement for growing flexibility at work”), and ask questions for engagement (“What do you see in your teams and organizations?”  “What are some upsides and downsides?”  “How could we design an experiment to combine the good and eliminate the bad and see if we can get similar results?”). This approach can be more collaborative and appealing and get buy-in.

3. Define the Win and Find Alignment.  It is one thing to say what you want and another thing to say what the win looks like and why it is important now.  Additionally, it is crucial to align your initiative with the other person’s goals and demonstrate how it benefits all parties.  In The Go Giver, one of the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success is a law on influence, which is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.  Adam Grant in Give and Take supports this idea and offers advice to appeal to their nobler motives, such as, “we all want to move forward and head to this deadline for these stakeholders.  Let’s spend our time today figuring out what’s not working and think about the big picture.”

You can use the Triangle framework (win-win-win).  As a result of this initiative, how does the company, the other team, and your team win?  You can also think about what happens if this does not get done. What’s the cost to the three entities?

4. Speak in “We,” not “I.”  Use inclusive language to convey a sense of collaboration rather than a zero-sum mentality. 

5. Frame the Discussion.  Control the narrative by steering the conversation in the desired direction.  Set the perspective and context to guide the audience’s understanding.  

6. Provide Evidence.  Leverage social proof and data to support your ideas.  Highlighting others' shared options and providing specific testimonials builds credibility.  For example, we surveyed 1,000 of our most loyal customers, and here is what they told us.  You can point to key leaders in the organization who have a lot of credibility and share how they also loved the idea when you shared it with them.  If others know that person is excited about an idea, they will be more likely to listen to it. 

Additionally, sharing data is essential.  If you ran some A/B testing and have data that supports one approach over another, offer that information.  Introducing data points from external companies regarding what is happening in the industry is always helpful.  One of my clients had to make a difficult decision about layoffs, and when she looked around the industry, she realized that 15% was the norm, so her suggestion of 10% was below average, making her influencing attempts easier.

7. Tell a good story.  When you can recast your arguments in an engaging story that touches people’s emotional and logical sides, they will receive your information even more.

8. Surface disagreements.  If you experience resistance, identify disagreements to find a way forward.  There will always be people with different opinions who see things differently and that’s ok.  You can state the disagreement and ask a few questions to uncover the root of the disagreement. For example, you can inquire:

·      What are we optimizing for?  (The goal should be aligned rather than having two different goals).

·      Are we focused on solving for different target audiences (you are designing for power users and I am for the causal user).

·      What are our working assumptions and what goes into forming them? (you may be operating from two fundamentally different assumptions).

At the end of the day, influencing is not about getting what you want or manipulating; it is about finding those win-win opportunities for all to benefit.  You want to be proud of the way you influence because you did it with kindness, respect, authenticity, and integrity.   

Quote of the day: “Smiling unknowingly influences how other people will respond to you.”  -Liam Jackson

How do you influence successfully?  What do you find hard about it?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on a specific model of influence.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your way of bringing others along?

The Art of Influence- for good (Influence Series 1/4)

Whether you need to drive a project forward, inspire a team, or advocate for change will depend on how well you have honed the coveted skill of influencing.  This can be defined as the ability to affect the actions, beliefs, or decisions of others through direct or indirect ways.  It is not about manipulation or coercion, rather, it’s built on genuine relationships and strategic communication aimed at achieving win-win solutions.

Challenges in Effective Influence

1. Working cross-functionally.  In many organizations, pivotal tasks transcend traditional hierarchies as you likely collaborate with peers and teammates outside your direct report line.  Those individuals might be driven by different objectives.  If you are working with 2+ teams, the complexities are compounded as what is beneficial for one team might be less important for another.  The challenge lies in shaping your pitch to resonate with different teams who might have different priorities and who may not want to upvote yours ahead of theirs.

2. Navigating Politics.  Every organization has its political undertones, be it alliances, rivalries, or past grievances.  Even if you bring forth groundbreaking ideas, they might be overshadowed by internal politics.  Some stakeholders, due to past affiliations, might not be receptive, irrespective of the merit of your proposal.

3. Encountering Change Resistors.  Many people gravitate toward predictability and consistency, making them hesitant to embrace new initiatives that might disturb the established routines or make their worklife a little more difficult. Your ideas can be great, but others may be dug in on the status quo.

4. Dealing with Resource Constraints.  Securing buy-in to your idea is just the beginning.  Even if stakeholders align with your viewpoint, the practical execution may fail due to limited resources, be it time, funding, or dedicated personnel.  Convincing teams to act, especially when resources are scarce, poses its own set of challenges.

Influencing starts way before the moment.  There is a lot of prework you can do to be set up for success.

Let’s explore effective strategies for influence:

1. Build good relationships.  Success in any role hinges on building positive, mutually beneficial relationships.  Take time to get to know your colleagues before needing any assistance.  Stephen Covey talks about the importance of building an “emotional bank account,” which is about depositing goodwill and trust into other people’s accounts.  This can be about affirming what others say in a meeting, engaging in deep listening to help others clarify an issue, or having a positive encounter that adds some joy to their lives.  If they have done something for you, thanking them with deep gratitude does wonders for relationship building.  People do business and work on initiatives with those they know and trust.

2. Create a perspective map.  Before attempting to influence, create a map of key stakeholders, such as skip level boss, manager, teammates, cross-functional peers, and identify their priorities.  List their current and future concerns, as well as their desired outcomes.  Consider how you want them to think, feel, and act because of your interaction.   

3. Practice Perspective-Taking.  Building trust and influence often involves empathizing with others and understanding their perspectives and priorities.  Dale Carnegie said, the only way to influence somebody is to find out what they want and show them how to get it.  It is about earnestly seeing from another point of view because ultimately people do things for their reasons and not yours so when you can tap into their intrinsic motivation, it will make a big difference.  Understanding where they are, caring genuinely, and appreciating it will help them move along and get them to where they want to go. 

A big reason why this does not happen is because people are too busy thinking about their next responses that they usually do not listen fully and are not as present to spot potential synergies.   Asking a follow-up question or offering an idea that can advance their initiative makes a big difference.   When you are genuinely curious and asking questions such as, “what are the effects of one approach over another” that allows them to think more deeply about their idea in a safe way, which is helpful.

4. Identify and Onboard Allies.  Identify potential allies of your project early on.  Categorize them as green (supportive) or yellow (open to persuasion but with questions).  At this stage, don’t go after the red (resistant or difficult to change).  When you bring people early on at the outset to join your planning team who feel like they also have a stake in the project, they are more likely going to assist you.  Seek additional sponsors and mentors who can enhance your credibility and social capital.

5. Identify Your Sequence-Sharing Strategy.  Plan the order in which you share information to maximize buy-in.  Every situation is different, but one can start with your manager’s support and gauge if the idea can work and gain more context.  You can ask questions to learn why anybody has not tried this before.  If it was attempted, why didn’t it work?  Through the discussions you can uncover additional pros and cons and field questions you might not have considered.  Then you can bring it to your team to get support to strengthen it even further, then think about the cross-functionals who would benefit from that problem being solved as well. As you continue to spread it to connections that are more distant, at least you have tested it and have initial support for it.

6. Anticipate concerns/rejections.   Sit with your team and anticipate rejections and responses to your initiative.  You can even bring up their concerns first before they do and address them.  If you’re unsure, you can ask chat GPT to steelman your arguments.  Once you get your team on board, you can work together to bring the ideas more widely having already strengthened them by defending them.

Wielding influence effectively hinges on more than just a moment of persuasion – it’s about cultivating trust, practicing empathy, and understanding the organizational ecosystem. By engaging with colleagues proactively, anticipating challenges, and thoughtfully mapping out communication strategies, you can navigate complex dynamics and secure the necessary buy-in. True influence is achieved through persistent and authentic connection, paving the way for collaborative success.

Quote of the day: One of the best ways to influence people is to make them feel important. Most people enjoy those rare moments when others make them feel important. It is one of the deepest human desires.
– Roy T. Bennett

How do you begin to build great relationships with others?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on refined strategies for influencing. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to sharpen their influencing skills for win-win opportunities, contact me to explore this topic further.

What’s your intention to influence?

Dispelling Myths of Authenticity (Authenticity series 4/4)

In this final installment of our authenticity series, we confront prevalent misconceptions that often color our understanding of authenticity. Let’s unravel the truth behind these myths.

Myth #1 – Authetncity means never changing your personality

A misunderstanding with being authentic is thinking that we must always be true to ourselves and display that version.  But, which true self is that?  Walt Whitman said, “Do I contract myself?  Very well then, I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”  To be authentically human is to exercise all our mini-selves, it does not mean resisting the evolution that occurs with personal growth.

New managers struggle when they define authenticity in strict terms.  When asked to make changes they may feel it is a stretch from their natural personality, and they equate that with inauthentic.  For example, a humble manager who values others’ ideas is told by their boss to be more assertive and sell their concept more aggressively.  That can feel fake.  Going against our natural inclinations can make us feel like impostors, so we tend to latch on to authenticity as an excuse for sticking with what’s familiar.  But as we advance in our careers, demands and expectations change, and we need to expand and develop new muscles and add more tools.   By viewing ourselves as works-in-progress and evolving our professional identities through trial and error, we can create a personal style that feels right to us and suits our organizations’ changing needs.  If we adhere too much to what we think and feel, it may counter what the situation demands, and we deprive ourselves of tremendous growth.  The aspects that are most challenging for us can teach us the most about leading effectively.  In an interview with Adam Grant, Indra Nooyi, Former CEO of PepsiCo shared advice that while you maintain your authenticity, do not expect others to accept 100% of who you are.  She talked about being the only female on executive calls, and all the men would talk about sports she did not follow.  The one sport she did follow, Cricket, nobody else was interested.  She decided to flex her authenticity and learn about other sports and get involved with sports talk with her coworkers before the meetings. She found that these efforts went a long way to building rapport and doing better business. Being able to bend to have stronger connections was quite valuable to her.

Myth #2: Authenticity gives you a free pass to behave however you want

Being authentic does not justify hurtful or self-centered and irresponsible behavior.  Some chronically uncivil people or those with disagreeable personalities like to say they are just being their authentic selves.  For example, you may yell at a teammate because you view yourself as prone to anger, but you do not have the right to unload your feelings on others whenever you want and in the way you want.  Family and friends may be able to handle that and will be there for us after sharing our short tantrums and emotional speedbumps.  You may be somebody who curses a lot and will want that same right in the workplace to express your authenticity.  But, we can be both authentic and respectful or agreeable to create harmony in the workplace.  Authentic leadership is about mastering the skill of being a shapeshifter.  Somebody can change styles depending on what the situation demands, without straying from core values and goals or relinquishing their genuineness.  It is not about the person who expresses themselves regardless of the impact they may have on others.  You must be mindful and emotionally aware of how your energy is radiating and how others are experiencing you.  

Myth #3: Authenticity means behaving the same way in every situation

We have a kaleidoscope of personalities and may activate specific personas under different conditions.  For example, when we are in performance mode, we present our most polished selves, showcasing our leadership prowess.  In learning mode, we experiment and accept failure as part of our growth journey. Authenticity can manifest differently in these varied contexts, and that’s perfectly normal.  Shakespeare’s famous words: “All the world’s a stage …and one man in his time plays many parts,” captures this reality.  Adapting your behavior to fit the situation does not make you fake or insincere; it demonstrates versatility.   Common sense says that we do not reveal every side of ourselves in every situation, but understand the context we are in and the style we can adapt because we have versatility.  You do not show up the same way in the board room when you give a briefing as you do with your family at a dinner party or the gym with your friends.  We have many facets, and while we are adapting to others, we are still always staying true to our values which is what authenticity is all about.

How do we know when you’re being inauthentic?  It happens when your actions diverge from your professed beliefs and values.  Like chameleons, leaders can adjust to better serve their teams while staying true to their authentic identities.

Quote of the day: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  - Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) (alternatively attributed to Sir Mark Young and/or Bernard Baruch)

Q: How do you adapt your style to fit the context you are in but are still authentic?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Which myths do you want to dispel?

Grow Your Authentic Leadership (Authenticity series 3/4)

In the preceding blogs of this series, we explored authenticity and its characteristics.   This article will focus on ways we can be more authentic. 

Leadership is a canvas for self-expression, and attempting to replicate someone else’s style will likely lead to failure. Employees seek guidance from leaders who invest time in crafting their unique approach, those who are honest and unwavering in their message.  Fyodor Dostoyevsky wisely noted, “To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.”  People yearn to be led by individuals who share an honest message deeply rooted in personal conviction, not borrowed words that lack a genuine connection.

Here are some practical steps you can take to cultivate greater authenticity:

1. Know your values.  Many of our woes come from not knowing ourselves, our abilities, fragilities, and virtues.  We walk through life as strangers to ourselves, and that can cause distress in our authenticity and leadership.  What are the top 3-5 beliefs that are important to you?  Some may not know the answer- is it love, money, status, or relationships?  We cannot align our behaviors with our values if we do not know them.  Knowing our values helps us make better decisions.  For example, if we value career goals, when we become a parent, we will know that we will want to make room for work because we will deliver our best selves to all that we do.  Sharing our values is sharing our truth.  Authenticity is intrinsically linked to your values and core beliefs, even if your behavior adapts to changing circumstances.

2. Know your purpose and align it with the organization.  Knowing what you are meant to do in this world is vital for fulfillment, so if we are working for an organization that does not represent who we are and what we stand for, it can be stifling.  But, when we can align any part of our purpose to the organizations, we can live more genuinely by being ourselves and having our values shine through in all places. 

3. Express yourself as a trait, not a role.  Often, we equate our identity with our job titles; if we do marketing for a living, that is how we portray ourselves, but it does not capture all we are.  Maybe we are a learner and conveyors of ideas so there are a lot of roles we could have, like a facilitator for people to mutually explore profoundly impactful ideas, or a professional speaker, or a teacher, or a team leader, or simply an optimist.  Authenticity is the expression of traits you have that can be flexed in different places rather than confined to specific roles.

4. Connect to your past.  Authenticity can find its roots in your origins.  Leaders who maintain a connection between their past experiences and their current selves are more often effective in building and maintaining relationships because they are not worried about hiding aspects of themselves.  Authentic leaders remain focused on where they are going but never lose sight of where they have come from.  Reflect on how your past has shaped you, and identify the common threads that have woven through your life.

5. Build a foundation of self-knowledge.  We can learn about ourselves in many ways, but the best approach is to solicit honest feedback—perhaps a 360-degree review—from coworkers and follow it up with coaching so we learn more about ourselves and how other people see us, and then we can see if the two views are compatible.  Combining personal and professional histories can unveil common themes from our upbringing and work experiences that have shaped our authenticity.   Spend time in introspection, understand your preferences, and explore how they have evolved over time. This self-knowledge serves as a strong foundation for authentic leadership.

Authenticity in leadership is a potent force for engendering trust and nurturing meaningful relationships. To further enhance your authenticity, delve deep into your purpose and values, self-reflect, and express yourself through inherent straight rather than predefined roles.

Quote of the day: “Know yourself, and you will win all battles.” -Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher

Q: How can we become a more authentic leader?  Comment and share with us; we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on dispelling myths of authenticity.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Which components would you include?

Characteristics of an Authentic Leader (Authenticity Series 2/4 )

In the previous blog, we delved into the concept of authenticity and its benefits in leadership.   This article will explore the key characteristics of being an authentic leader.

Here are a few traits of authentic leaders:

1. Vulnerability.  Authentic leaders are unafraid to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences honestly. They willingly expose themselves to emotional challenges but do so without compromising their credibility.   For example, as a leader, you do not want to say to your team, “I want to do this job, but it’s scary, and I don’t know how.”  That candor can backfire, and you can lose trust with people who want and need a confident leader.  Instead, you can say, “I may not have all the answers, but I want to enlist your support as we move forward together.  That approach creates team cohesion and invites the active participation of others.

2. Integrity. This is when your words are consistent with your deeds; otherwise, followers will never accept you as authentic.  Great leaders embody their beliefs and live them unfailingly.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it, “what you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Words are superficial and prove who you want to be, while actions show who you are.

3. Be transparent and truthful.  As Dostoyevsky wisely observed, “Above all do not lie to yourself, the man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie, comes to a point where he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, so loses respect for himself and others.  And having no respect, he seizes to live.” People are more trusting when transparency and congruency of who you are on the inside are the same as how you portray yourself to the world; there is no secrecy or mystery.  When you operate with dishonesty, it can have a detrimental impact.  Nietzsche’s mentor, Ludwig Feuerbach said, “I would rather be a devil in alliance with the truth than an angel in alliance with falsehood.” Speaking truthfully allows for a more stress-free existence.

4. Self-awareness.  Authenticity begins with self-awareness: knowing who you are—your values, emotions, and competencies, as well as how others perceive them, are better equipped for success.  A study at the Center for Creative Leadership found that self-awareness is the primary quality that distinguishes successful leaders.  Moreover, research shows companies that employ professionals who exhibit high levels of self-awareness tend to perform better financially.  By looking inward and engaging in self-assessment, we can gain a deeper understanding of our emotions, beliefs, and strengths and improve our perception of those held by others. Regular reflection practice is important, whether through meditation, prayer, mindfulness, thinking, writing, or taking long walks to clear one’s head.  This allows us to step back from the whirlwind and set aside the preoccupation with task lists so the urgent does not take precedence over the important aspects of our lives.   Also, we can ensure alignment with our values and a deeper understanding of how we live our lives and engage with the world around us.  The more we know ourselves, the more authentic we can be.

5. Discipline.  Being an authentic leader requires more than just building self-awareness—we need to put it into practice, which requires discipline.  Making it a point to get feedback on our behaviors and being intentional about what we want to practice will help us.

6. Confidence and humility.  Having self-confidence and being comfortable in our skin are essential.  Knowing where we come from and who we are, and knowing how to use our backgrounds to build rapport with others. There is humility in connecting with all people.  Albert Einstein once said, “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbageman or the university president.”  That statement reflects Einstein’s comfort with himself and his ability to be consistent in his various interactions.

7. Mission-driven & inspirational.  Knowing your deeply held crucibles and true north will help you stay on track so you can lead yourself authentically.  Similarly, a deep and abiding commitment to a company mission is integral to authentic leadership and business success.  According to a recent survey by EY and Harvard Business Review Analytic Services, 89% of executives said a sense of collective purpose drives employee engagement, and 84% said it leads to tremendous success in transformational efforts.  Some companies discover their mission early and others stumble upon it, but embracing a purpose will help with authenticity because it keeps you focused.  When you help your followers believe the mission is worthy, they will fight for you. 

6. Commitment to self-improvement.  To become more effective at motivating and guiding others, authentic leaders need to first focus on bettering themselves.  “Authentic leaders begin with the will and commitment within to work on themselves,” says Harvard Professor Nancy Koehn.  Abraham Maslow endorses the concept of individuals striving for self-actualization, which is becoming more complete by pursuing personal growth and peak experiences and realizing their potential. 

7. Balancing your internal understanding with your external feedback.  Leaders go on an inner journey of understanding who they are and what they believe and then matching that with their actions.  They also go on an outer trip, realizing that those actions have implications and will invite feedback from others.

We need a combination of listening to others’ opinions and having a strong enough understanding of who we are and what we want to be the final arbiters.  In Robert Keagan’s stages of adult development, self-authoring is about defining who we are, instead of listening to others’ descriptions of us.  We can distinguish the opinions of others from our thoughts and have an internal guide.  The next level of advancement is self-transforming - where your sense of self is not tied to a particular identity or role but is constantly created through exploration.  It is similar to the Buddhist concept of the evolving self.  In the words of E.E. Cummings “to be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the greatest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”  When you do not trust a leader it’s because there’s a gap between what they espouse and what they do.

Authentic Leadership means different things to different people.  While there are some common denominators, it is more about showing up in a way that lives your values and makes a positive difference in the lives of others.

Quotes of the day: “You can only find out what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) by watching how you act.” - Jordan Peterson

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you. - Dr. Seuss

Q: What characteristics do you think are most important for developing your authenticity as a leader?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on how to be an authentic leader. 

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

Just What Does Authenticity Mean? (Authenticity series 1/4)

“Be yourself” is a piece of advice we have all encountered at some point in our lives.  But what exactly does it mean to be authentic, and why is it revered as the gold standard for leadership and navigating life successfully?

The term “authentic” traditionally referred to original works of art instead of copies.  It is about adhering to your true self and being transparent about who you are across all aspects of your life.  A core aspect of you shows up whether at work, with family, in your relationship, or among strangers.  There is something liberating about that consistent expression.  To be authentic is to be the author of your life, to write your story, and to direct your actions rather than feeling compelled to conform to others’ expectations or seek acceptance.

Good leadership requires authenticity

In Authentic Leadership, Author Bill George defined the concept as “understanding your purpose, practicing solid values, leading with your heart, establishing connected relationships, and demonstrating self-discipline.”  In essence, it involves neither projecting a fabricated corporate persona nor emulating the leadership styles of others.  It is being true to your origins, finding your unique path, and evolving into the person you are destined to become.

The Rewards of Authenticity:

In his book Tribe, Sebastian Junger shares the self-determination theory, which holds that humans need three elements to be content: competence in their pursuits, connection with others, and authenticity in their lives.  Introducing authenticity to the workplace is part of the whole person movement, integrating our internal and external selves.  Instead of concealing our values and experiences, we openly share them. Our values and experiences are not hidden but shared.   Otherwise, we risk donning a mask that exhausts us as we struggle to maintain the facade.   The bedrock of authenticity is being seen by others, enabling them to understand your beliefs and intentions.

Authentic leadership also bestows potent benefits upon others. When we are real, we create an environment that encourages authenticity in others.  Research by Vanessa Buote, as cited in the Harvard Business Review, suggests that most employees believe authenticity in the workplace fosters better relationships with colleagues, higher levels of trust, greater productivity, and a more positive work atmosphere.  Furthermore, a study in the Leadership & Organization Development Journal reveals that “employees' perception of authentic leadership serves as the strongest predictor of job satisfaction and can have a positive impact on work-related attitudes and happiness.”

The costs of being inauthentic: 

When we are inauthentic by concealing ourselves from others, the burden of making countless micro-decisisons to bury certain aspects of our identity becomes exhausting.  What we repress ultimately gets expressed; otherwise, we start to lose our way and act in contradictory terms.  Over time, we become strangers to ourselves, transforming into the very mask we originally intended to don temporarily.  When we limit ourselves and fail to bring our full version to work, we lose people’s trust, and our relationships weaken.  It could be challenging to shape the workplace with our vision when we are not forthcoming with it.  Moreover, relying excessively on external validation distorts our self-perception,  as Epictetus astutely noted, “personal merit can’t be derived from an external source.” We need to reconnect with our inner compass.

Authenticity is when we can engage the best and truest part of ourselves and be bold enough to show that side to others.  We can create great relationships at work and better lead our teams to more success.

Quote of the day: “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” -Joseph Campbell

Q: How do you define authenticity? When are you most authentic, and when do you find it most challenging? What does it feel like to be inauthentic? Comment and share with us; we’d love to hear your perspective!

[The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on the characteristics of an authentic leader]

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to explore what authentic leadership means to them and develop their style, contact me to explore this topic further.

A Guide To Burnout Remedies (Burnout Series 2/2)

When somebody is experiencing burnout, we assume that it is an individual issue, and that if they would adjust their habits and figure out how to get a better handle on their work, their problems would be solved.  While there are changes that an individual can make, it is only a tiny part of the problem.  The other part relates to challenges in the system and the environment, and companies are responsible for making alterations to better set people up for success. We miss the mark when we focus on the problem as one for individuals to solve.

While burnout prevention is always ideal (see blog series on having a strong personal management energy system), if you feel like you are experiencing burnout, there are many things you and your company can do to intervene and change course. 

Here are some remedies to consider for both the individual and the company:

1. Reduce Workload.    

1A. Communicate your limits.  How can you communicate your capacity to your managers and aim to handle a reasonable amount of work?  If you have always handled ten things on your plate, your boss may believe that is your comfortable capacity, but if it is really five, you need to communicate that and figure out a plan to keep it within a manageable amount.   

1B. Increase resources and support.  How can you access new resources or additional support to help manage your work?  Maybe peers are searching for a stretch assignment who would be more than willing to help.  A project may be stalled on another team, and some team members are currently underutilized, they can be transferred to another team to pitch in temporarily and gain valuable experience.

1C. Delegate effectively.  How can you enlist the help of your team so you are not doing it all?  Who on your team would jump at the opportunity to grow their leadership and responsibility and expand their scope?  Hoarding work for yourself deprives others of expanding their range and visibility.

1D. Prioritize effectively.  Are you always working on the most important goals and tasks agreed upon by your manager and team?  Some people gravitate towards working on enjoyable, unimportant, and urgent work that steals a lot of their time, but it is the vital work that needs to be prioritized first.  What is your system of saying no to projects so you can keep your focus on the top 3 priorities?

1E. Be comfortable with some incompletions.  Not everything has to get done at the moment. And sometimes, after a scan of all the work you have to do, you can make strategic choices on what you will not do because it is less critical.  I remember my university days when my professors would give me more reading than I could ever do before my next class.  I would devise techniques to read the two most important articles and skim the others to extrapolate 2-3 main points.  Being effective with this approach means that you accept and come to peace that it is not worth getting it all done.   Getting to inbox 0 may not be serving you; instead, leaving unimportant emails and feeling no responsibility to respond is more important, especially regarding cold calls or distant connections to try to take your time but you don’t owe them anything.  Some strategies that may have worked for you previously may not be working now so there is a real need to update our operating systems.

 2.  Create a coverage plan for your team.  If you have an eight-person team and some people are getting routinely sick, which was the case during Covid peaks, what is your plan for how a four-person team handles the work of 8?  It can be exhausting for people who already feel at capacity to assume an additional load.  We sometimes do this for leaves of absence; we create a transition plan and get temporary replacements.  It can be helpful to prepare in advance the plans to handle certain situations for when people are out.  Maybe one person jumps in to help for a week, and then they get rotated out for the next person to assume the tasks for the next week.   There may be some standbys or a temp agency to enlist to deal with the extra work.  Thinking through these thorny challenges will create a sense of ease for your team, and make it so no one ever has to shoulder the burden and feel like they are always covering and doing overtime.

2. Increase control.  Where can you have more agency in your work to increase your quality of work-life? Conducting employee surveys to learn where people want more autonomy over when, how, and with whom they do their work as long as they meet key deliverables can be insightful.  It can be worth it to invest in slight changes that translate to a massive increase in happiness.

3. Rewards.  Regularly recognizing people for a job well done is vital.  You can do a kudos board or something highlighting others’ important work and spread the acknowledgment.  For more ideas, you can read here.    The goal is to inspire and encourage each other.

4. Community.  What are you doing to intentionally build a community where people feel connected to each other?  A good way to do this is to let people know you have heard them.  Too often, companies will send surveys to get people’s ideas on improving culture, engagement, and community, and people take time to complete the questionnaires and never hear anything.  A way to let people know you heard them is to report back on the survey data and share what you learned.  You do not have to share only where there is an agreement, and you can even present conflicting information, but it is most important to convey what you have done with the information and identify the changes you plan to make because it fully honors people’s contributions.  You can read about other ways to build community here.

 5. Ensure fairness.  How fair are your systems and processes?  How do people get rewarded and promoted?  How fairly are colleagues treated?  It can be helpful to survey your employees to get their perceptions and audit your processes so you can get input into improving your processes and workstreams.

To create psychologically safe environments and ensure fairness is to have a process where turn-taking at meetings is common so everybody gets a say.  Each person can speak for 30 seconds in a go-around.  There can also be processes for healthy dissent. 

6. Meaning, purpose, contribution.  Managers talk with their Direct Reports to learn about their values and how they see them connecting or deviating from their work.  It makes a difference if managers can make little tweaks so people are operating more from their strengths or zone of genius.  Research shows if you spend just 20% of your time doing what you love, the other 80% will not burn you out.  When you spend time thinking about work utilizing a creative and problem-solving approach, you get a wave of positive emotions and none of the burnout symptoms that induce stress or disrupt mood.  People desperately want to experience mastery, progression, impact, and contribute, and when they can, their work becomes fulfilling and energizing.  When they cannot, their work becomes tiring and exhausting.  Some job functions are more conducive to burnout because they are not connected to a more profound mission.  If they align their personal mission with the leadership agenda, that can make a big difference in energy levels.

Burnout and Business Impact

Burnout is not an individual problem, it is a collective challenge, and beyond investing in others because it is the right thing to do, there is a clear business case.  When CEOs do not care for their employees, attrition grows, recruitment becomes harder, and customer success can be more difficult to achieve with unhappy employees.  Wellbeing is not a warm and fuzzy option, it is an essential business metric.

Other things companies can do:

1. Reduce meetings, especially virtually.  We spend an excessive amount of time in meetings, especially when most things do not have to be a meeting, they can just be an email. This means we are sitting way more than we have to, likely too close to our computers and experiencing screen fatigue.  It also means we do not have time to do deep work, strategize, innovate, or be intentional about developing ourselves and others.  Carving this type of time can be an energizing experience.  And if meetings must be had, there is no reason to default to 1 hour. Making meetings 50 minutes or 25 minutes and allowing 5-10 minutes for people to pause, take time to consolidate the learnings from the previous meetings and crystalize their action steps, and then think about what they want to do for the next meeting will allow them to be more centered and productive.  These micro-breaks are essential to our wellbeing.

2. Corporate wellness programs.  There are the standard things we see companies do, unlimited time off, meditation and yoga classes, and gym memberships, which can be helpful, but if they are mainly used as coping devices and are not contributing to prevention, then it is insufficient.  Amazon was criticized for installing a Zen booth mediation kiosk in its warehouses without really doing anything else to change the working conditions that were so challenging for people.  If the job design is stress-filled, doing some of these things is not enough to alter the burnout conditions. 

Some more valuable approaches involve giving everybody in the company (or in shifts based on teams) the same week off for vacation so you are not missing out on anything and returning to a mountain of work.  Unfortunately, just having an unlimited time off policy is insufficient and often backfires because most people do not capitalize on it, and worst yet, some managers make others feel guilty for taking that time off.  Flexible schedules allow people to choose where they want to work and when they want to work as long as they get results done.  Some companies have 4 day-work weeks or no meeting Fridays to prioritize space for reflection, creativity, sense-making, and other valuable work.  Incentivizing employees to get a good night’s rest, eat healthy, and utilize time for relaxing can also be helpful.  Companies can monitor absentee rates, check in with others who are not taking any time off or taking too much time off, and have conversations supporting their needs. The Boston Group flags employees who work too many hours. Google’s 20% time allows people to pursue passion projects, flex their creative muscles, and expand their skillsets.   In 2013, Salesforce offered a wellness benefit of 48 hours of paid volunteer work, which can energize and revitalize others’ experiences.

There is no one-size-fits-all, and what would work for one company differs from what works for another. The worst thing a company can do is to put a blanket policy.  The key is to survey the employees to see what they want that will matter to them.  It usually never works out when upper management comes up with a solution, such as putting a volleyball court on the roof of a building, thinking it will solve all issues.

3. Providing coaching.  Many companies provide Executive and leadership coaching to their employees as a way to invest in their growth and development and advance their careers.  Having a coach dedicated to your agenda and a safe space where you can talk about all your career aspirations and worries and devise a plan to move forward can be instrumental to your engagement.

4. Teams and managers can discuss wellness as a priority.  People do not want to work at places where they are not honoring and respecting their wellbeing. 

4A Managers can integrate wellness into their check-ins and teams can include it as a topic of discussion to learn how people organize their lifestyle to enable wellness.  They can provide resources that promote wellbeing, such as nutrition services, gym membership, sleep information, therapists, and other support systems.  You can encourage your people to monitor for signs of burnout regularly by having quick check-ins where they indicate how they are doing with the colors red (drowning), yellow (ok, but if not checked, heading to red), and green (thriving).  The quicker you can identify somebody in yellow, you can intervene and find a way to get you back in the green. The cure for burnout is not just self-care; it’s also about caring for each other.  When a manager takes a coach approach to learn more about people’s potential stressors, they may learn about minor quality-of-life issues that can be changed for the better.  Maybe you find out that a big part of a teacher’s stress is having three different classrooms on three different floors, and they feel like they are driving themselves crazy remembering to carry all their items to teach their classes or the nurse who has vital equipment on one floor but mainly does her job on another floor and simply moving it would help her work dramatically.  It is like having a pebble in your shoes, it’s annoying, and we feel it all the time, so when we can finally remove it, our quality of life improves.  When managers can support the person to think about how to address it together because it is more of a “we” challenge than a “me” challenge, it can make a big difference. Discussing common causes of burnout and mentioning ways to address it can go a long way.

 4B. Creating manuals of me.  Ask people how they like to collaborate to work better.  A significant source of our stress and cynicism is dealing with harmful and unhelpful interpersonal relationships, and if there are things we can discuss and fix, that can be helpful.  Some companies, such as Deloitte, have created “manuals of me,” which build a process to learn how people best operate.  The idea is once you put together how you best work and exchange it with others, it can accelerate communication and collaboration and reduce friction in trying to understand and guess the working style of others.  Some topics to include:

·      Things you need to know about me are

·      Things that prevent me from doing my best are

·      The best way you can check in on me is

·      When I’m dealing with stress, I

·      My best working patterns look like

·      The one thing I need every day to keep me grounded is

·      Taking care of my health and wellbeing looks like

4C. Respecting team boundaries.  Once you know more about the people you work with, respecting their boundaries and supporting their goals are important.  You can also be more mindful of not scheduling meetings during people’s lunch hours and, as a general rule, respecting other people’s calendar blocks designated as busy. If you know your coworker needs to go to the gym by six and they are still at their desk, you can inquire and see if support can be offered. 

4D. Open conversations on personal growth.  Having personal development conversations with each other on things we are doing to maintain our flourishment can be educational for others.  You can also have conversations on resilience and best practices to alleviate stress so you do not feel like you are solving this all by yourself, especially when it is common for others to be going through it.

5. Create a burnout plan.  When you are feeling stressed, you should have a list of micro initiatives you can take to help you regroup before you make your next move.  Box breathing for 30 seconds, going on vacation, and spending time with friends and family can make a difference.

When you are feeling burned out, there are many things you and your company can do to change the environment that reduces the exhaustion and sets you up for thriving.

Quote of the day: “If we cannot disconnect, we cannot lead.” -Arianna Huffington.

Q:   What does your company do to address burnout?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you! 

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed.” — Sam Keen.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders and their teams to prevent and manage burnout so they can do their best work, contact me to explore this topic further.

Find your road to recovery

What Burns Us Out? (Burnout Series 1/2)

Covid has delivered rapid changes in the past few years, leaving us figuring out the best way to navigate this different terrain.  One big challenge is dealing with burnout, which is on the rise in many industries.  Dr. Zeina Ghoussoub, Relly Nadler, and Dr. Naim El Aswad posit how common it is in the helping professions, defined as those jobs that nurture the growth of, or address the problems of a person’s physical, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing including medicine, nursing, psychotherapy, psychological, counseling, social work, education, life coaching, and ministry.   

Defining Burnout

The World Health Organization defines burnout as an occupational phenomenon resulting from chronic workplace stress that has been unsuccessfully managed.  It is characterized by three interrelated components: exhaustion, a negative view of the job, and oneself.  It is mainly related to an occupational context, and some would argue should not be used to describe experiences in people’s lives related to personal issues like parental or caretaker burnout.

Let’s explore the three components of burnout further:

1. Feeling of energy depletion or exhaustion.  Excessive fatigue of the mind, body, and soul is the natural stress response.  It is the feeling of running on a battery in the red because it will shut down at any time whether you want it or not.  This can contribute to insomnia, high blood pressure, vulnerability to illness, and mood disorders.  But burnout is more than working long and hard and feeling spent; there are two other components.

2. Negative, hostile, or cynical feelings related to the job.  You become more distant from the job; you may do the bare minimum; you know you are not doing your best because you have reduced your level of care for the work.  This dislike, disengagement, and disconnection directly lead to increased mistakes, decreased productivity, loss of vitality, and poor performance.  The mental distance from the job has you doing the bare minimum rather than your best.

3. Negative evaluation of your effectiveness.  You can make it personal, think your struggles are about you, and have nothing to do with the job or context.  You may think, what is wrong with me, why can’t I handle my overwhelming situation, and not want to let anyone know that you cannot deal with the intensity.  The implication is that you have to somehow make it work rather than change the circumstances.  These feelings of despair can lead to a loss of motivation, anxiety, and even depression.

How burnout differs from stress, languishing, and depression

Burnout is not the same as stress.  We can be stressed about a situation and not have burnout, especially if we do not have the presence of all three components. 

Burnout is not the same as languishing.  Author Corey Keyes coined this term, prevalent during the peak of Covid, because it triggered a loss of our beloved routines, connection to others, and a sense of emptiness and stagnation.  We feel aimless, joyless, and experience an absence of wellbeing because we are not functioning at full capacity.  When we are languishing, it seems like we are muddling through, similar to the feeling captured in the movie Groundhog Day.  We have dampened focus, motivation, and excitement for the future.  This general feeling of blah is not just related to work, but to our personal lives as well.  Instead of bouncing out of bed early, we lie there aimlessly.  It can be a risk factor for depression because it stays under the radar and can slowly slip without intervention.

Burnout is not the same as sadness or depression.  Sadness is usually temporary and tied to one specific event, your friend has moved, your kids are going to college, you change jobs, and you feel loss. This is normal.  It is also not the same as depression, which is a medical or clinical diagnosis where you feel sad in many areas of your life; you have a gloomy filter through which you view the world, all is gray, and you have lost all interest, nothing seems intriguing, engaging, or hopeful.  You can feel despondent, drained, and worthless.  It can be debilitating to have a functioning life; one of the best interventions is to speak to a professional to get proper help. 

Burnout Causes

Christina Maslach, a Burnout pioneer, points out six causes or mismatches in a person’s life that can lead to burnout. 

1. Excessive Workload.  This is when the job demands are so high that they exceed your human limits.  No matter what you do, there is this pervasive feeling that you cannot keep up, and are always in over your head.  Your resources (time, equipment, information) are insufficient, so it feels like an impossible gap to close. 

2. Lack of Control.  This relates to how much control (actual or perceived) you have over your work, and how you pick your assignments and choose your work.  How much decision-making power do you have to do things you think are right, effective, and necessary?  How you can improvise, innovate, course correct, and find better ways of doing things.  It can be demoralizing when you do not feel empowered to exercise your best judgment; you feel micromanaged or the weight of rigid policies holding you down.  When there are all kinds of changes made to your project, and you find out that nobody has ever asked you, it can feel demoralizing. 

3. Insufficient rewards.  When you feel like your efforts are not fully matched with the right rewards – not being promoted to the correct title commensurate with your work, not getting paid fairly, and not having access to the leadership team and decision-making.  It is also about not getting recognized by leadership for a job well done or receiving positive feedback.  You may not believe there are social or intrinsic rewards for doing something well.

4. Unfairness.  It is a basic human need to be treated fairly, we yearn for it in our roles, policies, and practices, so if we perceive that this is not the case, it is a cause for burnout.  If we believe there is a glass ceiling, discrimination, and unethical behavior of people getting ahead or promoted by lying and cheating or just by connections and charm rather than by merit, it frustrates us to our core; it makes us feel disrespected and cynical.  If we are innovating and others are coasting, yet we are being treated the same or worse, and they are moving forward, that can be painful.  It is the classic case of you and your peer getting promoted, but they get the corner office, and your office does not change.   It is hard for us to feel engaged by an unjust system.

5. Lack of Community.  Your relationships matter more than you might think.  Do you feel you have a good social support, somebody to turn to when you need help?  Do you trust that others will do the right thing and act respectfully toward each other?  When the opposite is true, and you feel like you are working in a toxic environment where everybody is just out for themselves, nobody helps or shares information, people are two-faced and throwing each other under the bus to get ahead, there is bullying, and bad behavior, it is stifling environment.  If you feel like you are working in a silo and do not have that many positive connections to your peers, bosses, clients, and partners, your engagement will be dampened. 

A big part of community is having psychological safety where you feel comfortable taking interpersonal risks and sharing your ideas and concerns without feeling like you will be dismissed or attacked.  If you see something is wrong, you feel at ease to speak up and offer your ideas to improve things and do not have to think you will be retaliated against.  Your leadership team listens to you and, even if they disagree, provides reasons for their decisions.

6. Mismatch in meaning, purpose, and values.  People want to work at a place with others who share similar values.  They want to find meaning in their work and have pride in thinking they are doing a good job and contributing to something.  If the job requires you to have conflicts with your values and principles, it will be a losing proposition.

From the work I’ve done with my clients, there are a few more areas that I notice:

7. Lack of development.  Experiencing a development plateau, being in a job for too long without encountering the revitalizing effects of your growth.  You have the right to expect that working at a company will allow you to be a bigger and better version of yourself, and when that does not happen, it is disappointing.  Not feeling like you are progressing can lead to burnout.  This is not to say that you should not be proactive in managing your career advancement and expect your manager to do all the work, but there is something to be said for leaders partnering with you in your growth path.

8. Unmet expectations.  If you do not have clear expectations for your role from your manager and find yourself constantly guessing and never knowing how you are doing, that can be dramatically draining and can cause you to feel frustrated.  It is helpful when a leader provides clear expectations and transparency on your performance without surprises so you can be efficient with your work because you know what’s on the checklist.

9. Personality tendencies.  Some people can be more prone to burnout than others.  People who do not have good coping mechanisms, people more disposed to anxiety and depression, and some women who are the primary caretakers.  If you generally have a hard time saying no to people, if you possess a compulsion to prove yourself, or if you prefer to work hard consistently and do not know how to switch off, you can find yourself neglecting your basic needs of sleep, healthy eating, and social interaction, which is a recipe for burnout.

Being aware of the causes of burnout is only the first step.  Thinking about taking preventative measures before reaching that point will contribute to a much healthier existence.

Quote of the day: “Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.” – Michael Gungor, Author.

Q: Where are your biggest job stressors that can most likely lead to burnout for you?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 2/2 will focus on burnout remedies.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to address burnout and create energizing team experiences, contact me to explore this topic further.

How does burnout show up for you?

Here Is What You Can Do When Your Boundaries Are Violated (energy management series 8/8 )

When we set boundaries, we can better utilize our time.  Unfortunately, there will always be people who test our boundaries, intentionally or accidentally but when they do, we must be ready to respond.

Anticipate the boundary being tested. 

People are human; they may forget your needs or remember and still ask for things anyway.  The onus is on you to restate the boundary and stick to your preference.  You do not need to make their personal emergency a license to steal your time and energy.  One of my clients used to say yes to her colleagues’ requests, even on weekends.  When she transitioned jobs, she knew with a fresh start, she wanted to be clear about her non-work hours and show up differently.  So when her colleagues would send emails on weekends, she would never respond.  She believed that they would be annoyed or offended, but she found that they respected her more, especially after she said she dedicates her weekends to quality family time.  She rarely receives weekend emails now, and when she gets the occasional one, she does not respond.  You cannot blame others for trying to test your boundary, but you can take ownership of keeping yourself accountable and maintaining your boundaries. 

To manage your work capacity, if you know you can only do 10 work items, be prepared for what you will say when an 11th item gets added to your plate.  If you are visiting a family member who is not the nicest to you yet you know they are going to guilt you into spending additional hours with them, get clear on the right amount of hours for you, and if it is 2, let them know in advance that you will be leaving after a couple of hours and be ready with an enforcement mechanism in case you are tested.  Good boundary-setting is all about informing others effectively and being able to stick to your original plan.

Beware of known boundary predators & have approaches to deal with them.

Boundary predators are people who rely on power, authority, or relationships to get what they want, at the expense of your boundaries.  We may have all had bosses who say, “Yes, take vacation!” then call you the morning you’re leaving to ask you to put together “just a few quick bullets” for their upcoming board meeting.  To reduce the seeming intensity of it, they may add, “it’s nothing formal – don’t spend a lot of time on it” (even though it is not even your job!).  Or the client who finishes a consulting package with you and then says, “I had an emergency yesterday – I know we’re done with our package, but I had three quick questions I hoped you could answer.  Just an email is fine!”  Even though they frame the request like this, you know this could be a 2-3 hour investment.  

Here are a couple of ways to deal with boundary predators:

1. Get a clear, concrete agreement up front on terms and boundaries.  They will not always “remember,” but you can reinforce the boundary when you have an objective way to remind them.  For example, when somebody is trying to engage in scope creep, that is, you have agreed to 10 hours, but they keep trying to add more, you can say, “Our agreement covers 10 hours of work, and here is how I defined that, this request would add another 2-3 hours, shall we update the agreement?”  Then they can weigh their options and decide.

2. Ask questions.  Sometimes boundary “predators” act the way they do because they have poor personal boundaries.  Asking questions helps you to diagnose possible broken systems.  For example, your boss is about to go on vacation, and their boss dumped something last minute on their plate, they do not know how to say no so they kick the can to you.   You can ask questions such as, “tell me more about their expectations and time investments and your concerns with this waiting until after your scheduled vacation?” That may give your boss a chance to go back to their leader for further clarity or to realize the project can wait.

3. Bargain.  When you feel like it is hard to say no, you can aim to compromise.  Referring to the example above, when your boss requests a few bullets, you can respond and say, “I’m glad I make it look effortless, but bullets will take too long.  Let’s jump on a 10-minute call to discuss it and then I’ll leave for vacation.”  Or for the example referring to the client that asks a few last-minute questions, you can say, “These are fantastic questions! I can answer #1 (or here is a short answer to #1), but we need to start a new package for the rest.  Shall I go ahead and send the agreement?”  Again, they can decide the best way to proceed.

It is helpful to think in advance about three boundary violations that might be the hardest for you to stick to and then prepare a short script on how you would respond to those requests, so you do not have to be pressed at the moment, especially if you have lower energy and willpower.   For example, if you know that your boss is going to ask you to stay late for a project, you can say, “I have a family commitment for this evening, but excited to tackle this first thing in the morning.”  If a peer asks you to help by attending a meeting and offering your input but it cuts into your personal time, you can say, “I have a prior commitment, but is there anything I can share with you now briefly to offer help, I’d be happy to?”  Keep the statements brief.   You should also prepare a script for when a boundary gets violated.  You can meet with the person to clarify expectations and reshare your work and non-work hours.   For example, if your peer asks you to do work after your work hours and complains when it is not done, you can respond by saying, “I just wanted to let you know that my availability is from 9-5, I’m happy to tackle this work during my work hours, thanks for your patience.”  Continue to reiterate your message and keep your behavior consistent, so others know what to expect and can adjust.

It is common for your boundaries to be tested and in that case, be prepared with how you want to uphold your commitment to yourself so you can maintain your balance and energy levels.

Quote of the day: “If you’re a giver, remember to learn your limits because the takers don’t have any.” -Henry Ford

Q: How do you respond to your boundaries being tested?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create winning personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

Maintaining Your Boundaries Is Necessary

How To Set Boundaries For Greater Energy (energy management series 7/8)

In the last article, we discussed the benefits and challenges of setting boundaries.  This article will focus on the different types of boundaries and effective ways to develop them. 

Here are some common types of boundaries we may have:

1. Physical boundaries.  Let others know how we prefer to operate in our physical environment. This boundary can include your needs for personal space and physical requirements like breaks or rest.  The pandemic has blurred these boundary lines for people for the first time.  Especially if you are working from home, you may not have different areas in your homes for various purposes – your desk is where you do most of your work, but your table by the window is where you do creative thinking, writing, and ideating.  If your physical space is blurred, such as working on your bed, it may interfere with your concentration and quality of sleep because your brain starts associating bed with work. It can be restorative to have a separation.  If you are at the office, what is your norm when people can enter your private office?  Do you put a sign on your closed door, meaning you are in deep work mode?  Maybe you leave your door closed with no sign telling them they can enter if it is important.  Or when you leave it ajar, it means anybody can enter.  Constructing the proper mental and emotional atmosphere can help manage your mind for optimal success.

2. Emotional boundaries.  It relates to honoring and respecting feelings and energy.  It can include how much emotional energy you can take in and how much sharing you limit with specific people.  For example, if somebody aims to have a difficult conversation with you and springs it on, you can respond by saying, you would like to have the conversation when you can be most present.  Their eagerness does not mean that it has to prompt your readiness.

3. Time boundaries.  This is about understanding and protecting your priorities by setting aside enough time for the many areas of your life without ongoing over-commitment.  For example, if you get invited to a work event but know you cannot make it, you can simply communicate your existing commitment and inability to make it.

4. Intellectual boundaries.  It is respectfully considering the thoughts, ideas, and experiences of yourself and others.  Healthy intellectual boundaries also mean deciding on the timing for discussion. If somebody is pushing an unproductive conversation, you can find ways to say that you can respect you have different opinions, and have the desire to move on.  If they press, you can say, let’s circle back when we have more data and schedule another time for this discussion.

5. Material boundaries.  This is about establishing expectations for how your possessions will be shared and treated.  Being clear about what you will and will not share, and how you expect your items and materials to be treated by others.  If you allow your teammate to use your office for the days you are not there and discover stains on the desk, and it is a bit messy, you can share this information with your coworker to bring it to their attention, share your preference, and give them a chance to adjust.  If they persist, you can say, “I cannot allow you to use my office anymore.  I know this is something we discussed in the past, but as you know, I value it being clean, and the last couple of times, it has been out of order, which means it’s additional work for me.”  Communicating politely and firmly is the best way to go.

Here are some effective ways to think about setting boundaries:

1. Identify your key priorities.  What do you want most out of life personally and professionally to be at your best?  When you name those things that are so vital to you, your boundaries will become clear because you can protect that time, but if you do not know what you want, then anything will do, and when somebody asks you to do something, you will say yes without a clear and ready alternative. 

2. Invest in your routine.  I like what Donnie Ecker, a highly respected and accomplished MLB Coach says about this topic. He talks about having a morning routine that is just for him.  He wakes up and spends time on the things that matter; one is personal growth, so he spends 30 minutes every morning reading, eating healthy, exercising, and doing the other things he needs to feel great.  Then when he goes to work, he shifts gears and makes it more about others, so he does not mind engaging in conversations prompted by others about the weather or hunting, topics that mean so much to them but little-to-nothing to him, so he will engage them for a few minutes because he already fulfilled himself this morning and feels energetically ready to give to others.

2. Label hard and soft boundaries. 

Hard boundaries are non-negotiables, things you know you are unwilling to compromise no matter the circumstances.  Because of their importance, they should be implemented as soon as possible and communicated clearly.  For example, if you know you have your daughter’s soccer games on Friday afternoons, and that is when you spend quality time with her, any meetings or work events that you are invited to will not happen on a Friday.  Instead of waiting for that time to be claimed by another, you can mark your calendar as unavailable so nobody can schedule over it.  If you never release that time and broadcast to others your priority, you send a message that it is a clear non-negotiable, whatever may arise.  One communication script can look like this, “I am offline every Friday after 3 pm. I’ve committed to attending my daughter’s soccer game at that time.  I will respond Monday morning.” As Brene Brown says, being clear is kind.

Soft boundaries (or wishes and nice-to-haves) are ones that you may be willing to compromise on depending on the situation.  They are like flexible goals, you have a direction in mind, but you can be more relaxed about the means to achieve the goals.  Maybe you aim to leave the office at 5:00 pm so you can work out, but you are also involved in an important project that you think can lead to your promotion.  Because exercise and this project are both important, you will make a call depending on the situation and day.  You have an intention but are flexible.  While your default is a no, you can also set criteria on when you would justify an exception, perhaps when it is a short-term situation, it impacts the bottom line, or a strategic client relationship.   Similar to hard boundaries, it is always helpful to communicate your soft boundary.  One script can look like this “I’m hoping to log off earlier in the evening. Starting next week, I’ll sign off at 7 pm most days. I have more flexibility on Tuesdays, but for urgent needs after 7 pm, call my cell phone.”

3. Identify work and playtime.  What are your work hours?  Is it 9-5 and if so, what do you do to signify that transition?  Do you have a shutdown routine and a standing appointment to help you shift, maybe you have to pick up your child from practice or you have to walk the dog.  If you work from home, perhaps you change your clothes to invite more relaxation, something noticeable to shift the energy and mark the end of work.

3A. View your breaks as productive time.  Many people measure their productivity based on emails sent, meetings attended, and documents and decks created, but taking breaks contributes directly to your efficiency and productivity because it can be fertile ground for your ideas.  Setting a boundary so you can invest in your wellbeing will make you better. 

Here are the different types of breaks to consider:

·      Daily.  Making sure you are taking your lunch and separating from your desk and possibly going for a walk.  It sounds simple, but many people cannot switch off, so they work through their lunch, neglecting their mental and physical health.  They also deny themselves the opportunity to step away from their work to spur greater creativity and insights that they can bring to their projects.

·      Weekly/monthly.  Making sure you take longer breaks, an afternoon or day off here and there contributes to your engagement levels.  Do you utilize your weekends properly and fully to disconnect and do something completely different or do you use them to work and catch up on emails?  Are you being intentional about learning and investing in your development or are you doing mindless activities that will keep your skills stagnant?  Are you engrossed in energy-creating activities like applying your strengths to a project that will help restore you or energy-draining activities such as doing only things others want?  You have to be mindful of the work that will charge your battery so you have excess to lend to others when necessary.  How you use your time makes a difference, especially on Monday morning and the rest of the week. 

·      Biannually.  Making sure you are taking vacation 1-2x a year for longer restoration is helpful.  You should know how long you can go without an extended break, and be sure to schedule it.  Although many companies have unlimited vacation time, people do not take it.  Americans leave almost 30% of their vacation time on the table.  For some, it is an inability to pull themselves away from their work, but setting aside that time to disconnect for longer can level up your abilities in many ways because you can finally have the space to think more expansively.

4. Communicate your boundaries to others.  Once you are clear on your boundaries, you should not just assume and expect that people can read your mind and give you what you want, that your boss will not email you after 5 pm, or that your teammate will not ask you to do something that sacrifices your time.   Instead, we have to communicate clearly so others know.  Where people go wrong is never having the conversation and assuming that the other person should get it.   But we do not have the same values, pursuits, and tolerance levels as others.  Their threshold for working time may be much higher than yours, and they may not even be aware they are impinging on your time.  One way to communicate your boundaries is to set an away message on your email, such as out of office (ooo) until tomorrow at 9:00am so people know what to expect.  If your company is globally dispersed, you can also put your time zone in your signature so people will know when you are online.

5. Experiment, reflect, and make adjustments as you go.  It is good to experiment and try many things to see what your ideal boundaries are.  And then, you can reflect on them and ask yourself questions to see if your boundaries need to be adjusted.  Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:

·      Did I feel more productive and energic at work by shutting off at 5 and being able to go to the gym? 

·      Am I feeling more refreshed when I get home for my partner and kids and giving my best energy, not my reserves? 

·      What positive and negative outcomes have come from the new boundary I have set?

·      What do I need to change or adjust to stay on track and address any negative aspects resulting from my boundary-setting?

·      How do I feel now versus at the beginning of this boundary experiment?

6. Embed boundaries into systems and processes.  Leslie Perlow, Assistant Professor of Business at the University of Michigan conducted a study for a group of software engineers at a Fortune 500 company and tested a quiet time policy where there would be no interruptions three mornings a week before noon and found that the average engineer’s productivity spiked 47%.  When the company made it their official policy, the productivity rate jumped even higher to 65%.  When you treat your uninterrupted time as treasures to guard, your energy levels increase because your work and attention become fragmented, which chips away at your excellence. 

You can always resort to your old ways, but usually, people discover old mindsets no longer serve them for their current needs.  It is important to check in with yourself and make adjustments as you go.  You can see them as a continuum that can slide right or left depending on the situation.  When you step back, reflect, and evaluate your desires, you may discover that boundaries do not limit you; instead, they give you the space to create the life you want to live.

When we set boundaries, we give ourselves power and permission to work and live the way we want and not the way others prefer.  We keep our power when we are firm and clear on our decisions so there is no room for others to come in and temp us from going off track. 

Quote of the day: “No says, ‘This is who I am; this is what I value; this is what I will and will not do; this is how I will choose to act.”  - Judith Sills, Psychotherapist and Media psychologist

Q: How do you set boundaries firmly and caringly?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 8/8 will focus on ways boundaries can get tested and what to do when they are  

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to set and reinforce boundaries, contact me to explore this topic further.

The importance of boundary-setting

The Importance Of Boundaries For Your Energy Wellness (energy management series 6/8)

A big part of managing your energy is being able to set boundaries.   Author Joe Sanok defines boundaries as limits we identify for ourselves (and others) and apply through action or communication.  A boundary could be how we want our partners and peers to communicate with us, when we want our bosses to contact us, or when we prefer to work versus rest.  It is essential for our wellbeing, yet we often do not do it because it is not a typical skill we are ever taught in our formal education or in our upbringing.  Conversations on boundary setting are also something companies overlook, and yet it has a significant cost on their employees’ wellbeing and productivity. 

The benefits of boundary setting are numerous:

1. Maintain your wellbeing and energy.  Author Nedra Glover Tawwab said, “The root of all self-care is setting boundaries.”  Indeed, it begins with defining what we need to feel happy, healthy, and secure, and working to protect those parts as they can boost our wellbeing and allow us to be at our best at work and home.  Without boundaries, we can feel like our resources are being overextended and, as a result, feel stressed and burned out because we move to the beat of others, rather than our rhythm.

2. Maintains your self-respect.  Keeping your boundaries means you respect yourself.  Breaking it shows that your commitment to yourself is not as important.  One of my clients used to take walks outside every lunchtime for 30 minutes for his mental and physical fitness.  When his colleague started asking to meet during that time slot, he stopped his walking routine and initially did not realize the toll it was taking on him.  He conversed with his peer to select a different time of the day, and when it was fine with him, my client was relieved that he could return to walking and feeling good.  If time passes and his teammate keeps trying to schedule a meeting during that time, it would be up to my client to reiterate the message.  You get in life what you allow, tolerate, and reinforce.  If you tolerate disrespect, lateness, being underpaid, or being overworked, you will invite more of it because it sends a message to the other person that it is ok unless they hear otherwise.  When you set a boundary, you teach people how you want to be treated.  Life will organize around the standard you set. 

3. Can maintain good relationships.  While some believe a boundary can cause separation, it can have the opposite effect and strengthen relationships.  In Robert Frost’s 1914 poem Mending Wall, he writes his famous line, “good fences make good neighbors.”  It is a poem about two neighbors coming together to mend the wall that separates their two properties.  The fence keeps the peace with the neighbors, allows each to be free in their space, and knows that the dividing line will limit any grey zones or ambiguity.  They do not have to expend energy worrying about which crops or land belongs to whom because the line makes that clear. 

4. Protects you from emotional and physical harm from others.  Boundaries protect you from takers or needy people who may not have limits on their requests for your time.  Helping others is essential and feels amazing, and at the same time, you want to ensure that help is not taken for granted and viewed as an invitation to request unlimited assistance.  In Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life, rule #3 is about making friends with people who want the best for you.  He explains how it can be hard to distinguish between somebody who wants help or just exploiting your help.  If somebody is going through a tough time and in a proverbial pit, if you reach your hand down, will they grab it to get on solid ground, thrive and appreciate your help, or will they grasp your arm and pull you down with them, wasting your support and being in a position where you both have to climb out of the pit.  Creating boundaries on what you will and will not accept will protect you and strengthen all your relationships.

5. Maintains your engagement.  Boundaries clarify responsibilities and expectations.  Both employers and employees need to identify, set, and maintain them to keep people engaged, enhance creativity and strategic thinking, and deliver strong performance.  When our time is intruded upon, it can cause us internal chaos and stress, contribute to lost productivity and poor performance and even cause people to quit because they feel they are not set up for success. 

6. Simplify decision-making.  Boundaries help you make decisions in line with your values, purpose, and vision because when you say no to one thing it is because you are saying yes to the things you deeply care about.   It helps you not to invest time in things that do not fill you up.

While clear boundary setting offers many benefits, it is not always easy to set them. In fact, for some of us, it can be some of the hardest type of work we do. Here are some challenges:

1. They may view it as selfish.  Some people are nervous about setting boundaries because they think they are being mean or selfish, that they are just thinking of themselves and not others.  But a way to address any guilt is to reframe the experience because self-care is not the same as selfishness.  Investing in yourself will allow you to maximize others even more.  Also, whether you set a boundary or not, you cannot control what other people think, they may judge you regardless of your actions, so in that case, it is always better to opt on the side of taking care of your needs so you can better take care of others more efficiently.

2. They may have people-pleasing tendencies.  Some people like to give to others because they feel it makes them worthy.  They find it hard to say no to people because they want to make others happy, and be liked.  They equate saying no as disappointing the other rather than viewing it as having nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with knowing their capacity.  Some of these tendencies can be deep-rooted and traced back to insecurities developed in childhood or the way they were taught love by their parents, which is when they are doing things that their parents like (getting good grades and being a good kid), that’s when they got praise and affection rather than being loved for who they are.

3. There may be perceived power imbalances.  Establishing boundaries with those who may have more power than you such as senior colleagues or your boss is tough.  You may feel like it is part of your job to say yes.  That’s understandable, but there are ways to communicate an accurate picture of the situation respectfully for more informed decisions to be made.  You can check out my blog series on managing up for more on this topic.

4. They fear receiving a negative response.  Maybe they have been chewed out before when they tried to establish boundaries and are worried the same will happen.  Or, the stakes are too high, they can face retaliation, and they know it can ruin the relationship and they are not ready to go there so they avoid the situation altogether or comply rather than set a boundary.   Sometimes we lack the energy to have another conversation, so we just go with the flow and ignore our needs because we think it is easier, and that might be true in the short-term, but in the long-term it will have more calamus consequences, and lead to resentment and an unhealthy relationship.

Boundaries are necessary for our physical wellness needs. They increase your self-respect, and relationships with others, and maintain your engagement.  While it can be challenging to set them, it’s a muscle that grows easier the more it is exercised.

Quote of the day: “The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.” – Tara Brach

Q: Who do you know that has a firm boundary in place and what do you respect about it?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 7/8 will focus on how to set boundaries.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to set and reinforce boundaries, contact me to explore this topic further.

How do you create your boundaries?

This blog is designed to showcase researched-based success principles coupled with my interpretations and practical applications to help you reach your greatest potential and unlock leadership excellence.

Nurture Your Emotional and Spiritual Worlds For Greater Energy (energy management series 5/8 )

Another big part of energy management is routinely nurturing our emotional and spiritual worlds.  As much as we wake up in the morning to think about making our coffee and what to wear based on the weather, we need to apply the same intentionality to those domains.

Here are some ideas to consider to invest in emotional and spiritual wellbeing to maintain high energy levels.

1. Having a spiritual practice.  The way we may give daily attention to our bodies to take care of it by exercising, we can do things to nurture our souls.  Some people have a prayer ritual where they recite something meaningful in the morning or evening or read a few pages from their scriptures.  This is a way to keep them centered, grounded, and connected to something beyond themselves.  You do not have to be religious to have a spiritual practice, for others, it could be reciting a poem, listening to inspiring song lyrics, or going for a daily walk where you spend time on the bigger picture – why are you here and what are you meant to do.  How are you contributing to something beyond yourself?  Find that practice that uplifts your soul.

2. Having a meditation practice.  Taking time to focus on breathing, understand your triggers, nurture peace, engage your wisdom, and cultivate your sense of wonder can fill you with more energy.  Many of us are unaware of how much in overdrive we can exist, so taking those moments to purify our minds, get rid of mental baggage, and induce calm can contribute to saving our best energy and wellness.  In fact, Google developed a program Search Inside Yourself (SIY) led by Chade-Meng Tan, an early engineer who gathered a team of leading experts in mindfulness techniques, neuroscience, and leadership.  The aim of SIY was to help people develop the skills of mindfulness, empathy, compassion, and overall emotional intelligence to create the conditions for individual and collective thriving.  At one point, they had hundreds of people on the waiting list due to its popularity because people experienced numerous energetic benefits.

3. Connecting with others generally and deeply.  Emotional health requires us to link up with others on a basic level.  Something happens when we are engaged in good conversation, whether it be family, friends, coworkers, bosses, or strangers.  Without having regular connections with others, we can feel lonely, which can negatively impact our health; smoking up to 6 packs of cigarettes a day can be the equivalent.  Connecting with our pets and being able to hug and show affection can enhance our lives and make us feel less lonely.

Even though some of us may have a lot of people around us to interact with, they still need to be quality connections.  How many of us come home feeling exhausted at work and have low energy, so we engage in transactional conversations, we zone out and drift from our loved ones because we are not intentional about putting good energy into maintaining a connection.  Worst yet, we do not ask interesting questions because we assume we know their responses.  Deep connections are about sharing our hopes, dreams, and possibilities with others and feeling fully heard.  Having somebody that you can share your strengths, desires, and goals is essential.  You know when you have a deep connection with somebody, are really excited to see them, and leave the interaction feeling even better.  A lot of research shows that when you have a best friend at work, your happiness and work engagement improve.  The quality of your relationships and conversations makes a difference in your standard of living, so when you take the time to connect deeply, it strengthens your energy.  Take that time to grab coffee or lunch and go outside during your break to connect with others.

4. Having a professional support system.  This is essential for maintaining your health and energic levels. Share your thoughts and feelings and processing events with others when necessary can be life-changing.  It is why many people find value in therapists so they can have a deeper understanding of their tendencies and triggers.  Or, why people work with professional coaches so they can share things they may not share with anybody else and have somebody wholly dedicated to their agenda, in ways that differ from what a friend can do.  It is a trusted partner that can challenge our perspectives, illuminate our blind spots in service of our growth and development, and work intentionally about removing blocks and making progress on our goals, which keeps us energetically happy.

5. Have mentors and role models that you look up to.  Connecting with mentors in or out of your industry who have your back, take an interest in your career development, push your growth, and root for your success.  It is also deeply satisfying to identify role models that you look up to or set an example for you to emulate.  Knowing what you value and admire in them can guide you to move through life with excitement.

6. Express your creativity.  How do you exercise your creativity?  What projects do you do which allow you to express yourself in interesting ways?  When you can build, write, design, and craft something, it makes you feel accomplished and increases your self-worth and energy levels. 

7. Play and laughter.  How do you laugh, enjoy, play, get excited about something, and go after novel and positive experiences, all essential for your heart, energy levels, and a life well lived?  When you schedule play in your to-do list, you are energized for the rest of the day because knowing you will do something fun later engenders a good feeling early in the day and helps you radiate positive emotions.  Maybe you have movie night to look forward to with your family or you can coordinate with a friend to watch at the same time for joint enjoyment or you know you get to play sports later in the day.  And when you find those activities that fill you up and put a smile on your face, your best energy will be transferred to many other spots in your life.

8. Create an environment of positivity.  Reading good books, watching good movies, being around positive people, and having possibility conversations can change your mood and fill you with energy.  Also being thoughtful about spreading that positivity and kindness engenders more of those good feelings.  Spending your time smiling will nourish your soul.

9 Volunteer.  Many of us have a fundamental yearning to matter and contribute and knowing you are making a difference in somebody else’s life is a great way to do that.  What are the causes you most care about?  How do you volunteer your time, resources, and connections for the betterment of others?  What are the ways you multiply others’ best efforts?  Helping others can fill you with joy and happiness.

Your spiritual and emotional health matters in sustaining your energy levels.  What you choose to do to invest in it intentionally will pay dividends for years to come.

Quote of the day: “The mind divides the world into a million pieces.  The heart makes it whole.”  Author Stephen Levine

Q: How do you like to satisfy your emotional and spiritual needs?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 6/8 will focus on the benefits of boundaries for better energy management.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to create winning personal energy management systems for themselves and their teams, contact me to explore this topic further.

What kind of spiritual practices do you have?