What’s Your Accountability System? (Accountability Series 2/3)

Now that we talked about the importance of accountability and why it is not happening, let’s jump into creating a process that fosters excellent accountability.

When leaders can put some of these structures in place, they can nurture an accountable culture.  Here are some steps to consider:

1. Clear Expectations.  The first step is to have a meeting to be crystal clear about your expectations — the desired results you’re seeking, the capabilities needed for the job, how you’ll measure success, and what standard you seek.  It does not all have to come from you. The more skilled your people are, the more ideas and strategies they can contribute.  They should have the autonomy to determine the HOW in achieving their objectives. When you have a genuine two-way conversation about ways to contribute and tactics that they are considering, you will create the necessary buy-in and build confidence in tackling the project.   Before the meeting’s end, you can learn if you are on the same page by asking the other person to summarize the critical pieces - results, capabilities to be successful, metrics, and approaches to reinforce that alignment.

A. Clear outcomes.  What are the outcomes to be produced?  While the employee has the autonomy to figure out how they will achieve results, it is vital to specify a general destination and set the standard of excellence so they have the example.  If I tell you to put together a presentation and do not explain some requirements such as length of time and critical aspects, your understanding of a presentation can be vastly different from the other mine. Let’s talk about the parameters to mitigate any confusion.

B. Clear capability.  Be sure that the person you are holding accountable has the skills and resources they will need otherwise they might be set up for failure.   You can ask yourself, what do they need to meet the expectations?  If the person does not have what’s necessary, can they acquire what’s missing?  If so, what’s the plan?  If not, how can they delegate parts of the work?

Here are some helpful questions to ask to create active effort (certainty on how to move forward) rather than anxious effort (uncertainty which morphs into procrastination).

·       What do you see yourself needing to do to be able to achieve the result?

·       What could get in the way?  Excuses can be helpful signs; once surfaced, they can now be included in the roadmap.  You can offer a follow-up – “Given what's in the way, what’s possible or what else can be done?”

·       Where are the first 1-3 places to begin?

C. Clear measurement.  During the expectation conversation, you should agree on weekly (or whatever cadence works best) milestones with clear, measurable, objective targets.  If any of these targets slip, jump on it immediately, brainstorm a solution, identify a fix, redesign the timeline, or respond in other productive ways that get the person back on track.  Nothing frustrates leaders more than being surprised by failure to meet expectations in the 11th hour.  Sometimes this failure is due to premature optimism on both sides, or the direct report is reluctant to ask for help. Either way, it can be avoided or mitigated with clear and transparent communication.

2. Clear feedback.  In one of your first feedback meetings, you can ask them how they like to receive feedback and consider their preferences.  Honest, open, ongoing feedback is critical to their development, and just because you have said something once, does not mean you are done; good feedback should be continuous and reinforced.   People should know where they stand.  You can ask yourself, is the person delivering on their commitments?  Are they working well with other stakeholders?  If they need to increase their capability, are they on track? When you have clear expectations, capabilities, and measurements, your input will most likely be fact-based and easier to deliver. The feedback can also go both ways — is there something you can be doing to be more helpful?  

Co-Founder of Pixar Ed Catmull said feedback should always leave an employee inspired.  Ask questions that start with what or how, such as:

·      What will you have to do to have this done on time (rather than, do you expect to have this done on time)?

·      What ideas do you have (rather than do you have any ideas)?  

·      What do you want to do next regarding your objective? 

·      When this happens, what do you want to happen next?

·      How will you keep yourself and the project accountable for what you want?

·      How will we accomplish X by this date with only Z resources available to us? (instead of jumping in and helping, let them take a first crack at solving the problem).

·      I need your help, when you miss meetings frequently [insert behavior], I feel/think/wonder that you are not committed to the position.  Could I have some clarity on this?  What would it take for you to be at the meetings?  In the future, I expect you to be at the meetings because your input is essential.  What do you see getting in the way of this expectation? What’s needed to meet it?

Undergirding all these questions is genuine care, trust, and support. You should let the person know that feedback is about providing supportive accountability, not in remediating problematic behaviors or surveillance.  It is meant to accelerate their behavior through continued conversations so they can do hard work, think, learn, grow, and contribute.  When employees believe their bosses are interested in their success, they feel less guarded and less inclined to hide their underperformance.  If you have not built that trust or if the feedback is not sincere, it will not work. When the trust is there, people will be open to sharing failures that can be addressed at the moment because they are learning opportunities and not mistakes to be covered up.  When people feel criticized or attack or when there is fear, they will shut down and it will be a culture of psychological danger.

When the job is done, you can ask them to walk you through how they did their work to engender pride.  You can learn about the parts they struggled with and the parts in which they were incredibly satisfied.  Other good questions to ask:

·       What did you learn? 

·       What are you most proud of?  

·       What aspect do you want to carry forward to your next project?

3. Clear consequences.  How would they like to be held accountable so you can cater to their style within limits?  This is important because you can use the same approach with different people, and one person could be embarrassed while the other empowered.  When you know your people’s preferences, you can better support them.

4. Model accountability by going first.  A great way to create a culture of accountability and enhance psychological safety is to share that accountability travels both ways.  While you will hold your direct report accountable for their work, you expect that they will hold you to it as well.  If we want to be the best we can be, we have to have high standards and when they are not reached, we want to address them, so we know what to do better and differently next time.  You can share the standards you have for yourself and when they notice you have not met them, your expectation is that they are going to tell you where you have fallen short so you can learn and grow together.  It is not about criticizing in public, but constructively addressing the issue in private.  When the leader goes first it emphasizes the importance of promoting a culture of ownership. 

5.  Address challenges that could surface at the beginning.  You can share that when a promise of delivery is made, there is an expectation that it will be done.  If something comes up that compromises the timeline, it is essential to bring it up.  I’d rather know about a situation days or weeks before the big meeting so there is enough time to come up with creative solutions or workarounds or bring in support than to learn 5 minutes before the meeting with no opportunity to remedy the situation.   The damage to the relationship is most severe when people wait too long to bring up an issue because they do not want to disappoint the person or they have a hard time with tough conversations. Delays do happen, Author Kim Scott shared that when writing her book Radical Candor, she thought it would take 3 months, but it ended up taking 4 years but she was able to keep the trust in line because she was always upfront about shifting timelines.

If you are reasonably sure that you were clear with expectations and did what was necessary to support their performance, and they still have not proven to be accountable, in that case, they may not be a good fit for the role and could lead to a change (in position, teams, or in the company) that would create more of a win-win.

Setting up a process of accountability, including clear expectations, feedback, and consequences can empower others to take responsibility.

Q: What is your system for holding others accountable?  Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

Quotes of the day: "Leaders inspire accountability through their ability to accept responsibility before they place blame." ― Courtney Lynch

"Responsibility equals accountability equals ownership.  And a sense of ownership is the most powerful weapon a team or organization can have." -Pat Summitt

[The next blog in this series 3/3 will focus on having an effective accountability conversation]

As a Leadership and Executive Coach, I partner with others to help with all kinds of accountability, contact me to learn more.

It all begins with clear expectations

How does your company prevent difficult workers from getting hired? (Workplace Conflict Series 3/3)

How you treat people matters more than anything.  Companies should create a culture of respect, and every leader should have an obligation to uphold a no-jerk environment because it allows for great work to be done and it is simply the right thing to do.

The impact of a toxic worker is quite significant.  Experts say, when a team member procrastinates or displays a bad attitude, there is a real risk of social contagion, which drives down the morale and productivity of those around them. Susan Davis, author of Emotional Agility contends, “we all pick up on settle cues from others, and that affects our behavior and actions.” This behavior can lead to poor team efficiency, lower levels of commitment, and less of a focus on the shared goals.  Furthermore, ignoring the issue makes the problem more acute.  According to Allan Cohen, Babson Professor of Global Leadership, when people do not carry their weight, frustration grows because others need to do more.

Knowing this negative impact, here are some things a company can do to protect the culture from toxic workers:

1. Screen them out in the hiring process.  If you determine that somebody could exhibit toxic behavior, perhaps they care only about individual results at the expense of others, do not hire them, no matter how capable and brilliant they may be.  Professor of Management Science at Stanford University Bob Sutton said that toxic people make us less productive.  Maybe you cannot be certain if somebody has a lot of jerk behaviors during the interview, but you can do everything you can to find out more in the hiring process.  Luis Von Ahn, CEO and Cofounder of Duolingo offers this advice.  When you contact their reference, you can ask, “Did he/she work well with others?”  You are looking for a more definitive and enthusiastic response like “absolutely” over a more wishy-washy one – “yeah, for most people.”  Maybe you detect the reference is being coy, you can frame your questions to elicit specific choices.  For example, “what’s more likely - that this person will be a total pushover or a little manipulative?”  “Work more by themselves or inclined to work with others?”  Listen closely to these responses because they can contain the exact answers you are seeking. 

2. Align stated company values with practiced behaviors. If you ask a set of random employees, who are the superstars in the organization and you find out that they are the top producers who also happen to be toxic at times, it seems as if the company is rewarding bad behavior.  So how can you practice what you preach? If you care about teamwork, how are you building that in your incentive and promotion strategy to reward that kind of behavior?  For example, the stated values of Enron in the 90s were communication, respect, integrity, and excellence. They claimed they valued good behavior, but they actually rewarded ruthlessness and selfishness. When you incentivize individual achievement rather than promoting people based on how they elevate others, it contributes to a toxic culture. How about a mixed approach? Part of their compensation can be directly related to how much they have helped others, exhibited through observation and peer feedback, and part can be from their individual contributions.

3. Make the offenders aware of how they are treating people. You can offer “360 reviews” where leaders can receive valuable data from their peers, subordinates, direct reports, and others.  Sometimes it is just that awareness that their behavior is problematic which can be enough to course correct. When Cindy Hess, Partner at a law firm learned of some selfish behaviors she had which were revealed through reviews, she was stunned and took steps to make adjustments. Companies can offer management training programs to help build the cadre of soft skills that help leaders invest in others.  

Another way to raise awareness is for companies to provide a free-market approach where their subordinates have some say in choosing their boss or team lead. At Fenwick and West, Partners choose their associates to service their clients but Associates have every right to say no if they feel it is not a right fit.  They obviously prefer to pick Partners who they enjoy working with, who they can learn from, and who will take an interest in their development and career trajectory.  If none of the Associates are picking you, that exposes a hard truth.  Similarly, if there is a mentorship program and mentees get to pick who they want to work with based on reputation, and again you keep getting passed up, this needs to be explored and addressed.  To make sure leaders know how they are being viewed, the company does anonymous upward reviews were Junior Associates rate Senior Partners.  According to Glassdoor, Fenwick and West is one of the top Silicon Valley law firms to work for in terms of cultural excellence. 

4. Have a Zero Tolerance Policy. You cannot allow demeaning or disrespectful behavior from anybody, including upper management.  When companies act swiftly, it sends a message that this conduct will not be tolerated and employees will be protected.  This does not mean that there will be no hard conversations or people will not get upset from time to time, but that there will be consequences for repeated poor behavior.  If somebody is getting frequent complaints and they refuse to acknowledge the problem or change their behavior, they should be let go.  Studies show the presence of one person exhibiting toxic behavior can bring down a whole team, that it is better to have a hole in the team than to have an additional person that is not helpful. Studies also show that it is actually much more profitable to replace a worker displaying poor behavior with an average performer, as opposed to upgrading an average performer to star status, it is because the one who is showing negativity has a much more damaging impact.

There is no such thing as a perfect culture, but companies can do their best to create an environment that values support, respect, and positive interactions.  We spend so much of our time at work that it is only right to expect that we are treated with dignity so we can give our best performance.

Quote of the day: “I am thankful to all those difficult people in my life, they have shown me exactly who I do not want to be!” – Unknown

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to have difficult conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

Q: How does your company protect you from toxic workers and maintain an amazing culture?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

Getting rid of a toxic culture begins with removing a toxic person

How Do You Deal With A Difficult Boss? (Workplace Conflict Series 2/3)

Steve Jobs has had a complicated legacy.  While few would doubt his visionary abilities, many would call into question his leadership style and weak interpersonal skills.  He has been described as deceitful and cruel, even by his friends.  It is known that he cheated his co-founder out of a big bonus and lied about it. While Walter Isaacson was conducting research when writing the biography of Jobs, Apple Engineer Johnny Ives told Isaacson that when Jobs got frustrated, his way to achieve catharsis was to hurt someone.  According to Ives, Jobs felt he had the liberty and license to do it.

Like Jobs, there are hundreds of other leaders who treat their employees poorly.  Research shows that leaders who demean their workers have rationalized their aggression because, at times, they can get short-term results so they feel vindicated in their unsavory behavior to achieve their goals. This problem is compounded when the long-term damage they are causing to others is invisible to them.  Bad bosses may also see the situation in black and white terms, thinking – “I have to use this behavior or I will not get these outcomes.” But there is a big difference between being demanding (having high expectations for others) and demeaning (devaluing other people, even treating them disrespectfully and making them feel worthless).  This tradeoff does not need to exist because it is possible to show respect and set a high bar.  Kim Scott’s Radical Candor uses this exact leadership approach – caring for somebody personally and challenging them professionally.

The impact of toxic bosses can be quite detrimental.  Here are some company consequences: 

1. Negatively affects performance and reduces worker productivity. The presence of a bad boss can cause team members to make mistakes and doubt themselves. In one experiment with a medical team in Israel, a doctor berated his team and said he was not impressed with their medical care and that they would not last in the department for more than a week.  In the ensuing days, the percentage of an accurate diagnosis by the team went down by 20% and the procedures they did were 15% less effective.  When we work with somebody who has abused us mentally, our cognitive abilities decline.  Essentially, working with an angry boss makes us dumber.  In another experiment, students were instructed to walk into a testing room, but instead accidentally walked into the professor’s office.  Immediately, the professor berated the students and said, “Are you not smart enough to see the do-not-disturb sign?” They then took a math test and solved a quarter fewer anagrams correctly compared to the students who were not just lambasted.

2. Less likely to help others.  In that same experiment, people who were just scolded by the professor opted not to help others when they had the opportunity to do so.  In another experiment, as students were leaving the school building after enduring some harsh words, they saw a few classmates drop a bunch of books and choose to keep walking instead of helping to pick them up.  The best teams are collaborative ones so if people are holding back with their assistance, teams cannot reach peak performance.

3. Creates silence and shutdown.  Toxic bosses create an environment where people stay quiet because they want to avoid rocking the boat.  They are trying to stay under the radar because they do not want to be a target for any abuse. This significantly hurts teams and organizations because there is no feeling of psychological safety for people to contribute their ideas, especially when half-formed. Having that environment where you can comfortably share and be supported is a necessary component to reach collective intelligence and do great work.

Responses to Avoid

When you are feeling abused and wanting immediate reconciliation, it can be tempting to opt for less helpful responses that may feel good in the short-term but carry severe negative long-term consequences.  Here are some to avoid: 

1. Do nothing and endure. This decision can eat you up inside and cause resentment.  The discontent cannot only manifest at the workplace but also at home and create an unhappy disposition with the people you care for the most.  When we continuously repress our feelings, it comes out in other ways, often when we least expect it or cannot afford for it to leak out.

2. Fight back at the moment.  It is not the best idea if you have not collected your thoughts, yet choose to unleash them spontaneously for the sake of justice.  After all, you believe that this person simply cannot go around rebuking people the way they do, and you are going to be the person to change their behavior.  The problem with this savior mentality is that it is immediately going to put the person on the defensive and they have been playing the angry-and-public-ridicule game for much longer than you have so picking a fight on their turf may be gratifying at the moment, but most likely does not lead to a productive resolution.

Responses to Consider

Here are some helpful steps you can take to confront your boss thoughtfully and productively so you can decide your next move:

1. Focus on personal impact.  See if you can find a respectful way of letting them know the impact they are having on you.  People sometimes do not see how upsetting, demeaning, and unprofessional their actions are to you, your team, or the organization.   Other people's intentions only exist in their hearts and minds so we cannot assume that we know them. We feel hurt so we think that they intended to hurt us, but when we can disentangle intent from impact and apply curiosity, we can get more information on how best to respond and understand why this is occurring.  The best-case scenario is that they understand just how much you have been affected and take steps to change their behavior.

2. Change teams. If you believe in your company’s purpose and vision but are having a hard time with the manager, see if you can change teams so you are no longer reporting to your boss. If enough people are requesting a transfer, it will become obvious where the source of the problem exists.

3. Change jobs.  If you conclude that the other person had intentions to hurt you or does not plan on changing, and this is typical of what goes on in different parts of the organization, you may want to consider leaving your job.  What is all this heartache and pain costing you?  Find that leader in a people-first company who will not only treat you with dignity but will inspire you and bring out your very best.

The big question that people always ask about Steve Jobs is - did he have to be so mean?  Walter Isaacson would argue that he succeeded in spite of his cruelty, not because of it. The kindness routes are always the better paths to travel down because you will get better results and create stronger relationships along the way.

Quote of the day:  “Having a bad boss isn't your fault. Staying with one is.” -Nora Denzel 

Q: How have you handled a difficult boss? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear your opinions.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

[The next blog in this series 3/3 will focus on what organizations can do to prevent difficult people from tanking the culture]

How do you handle a difficult boss?

Have you mastered the art of working with a difficult Teammate? (Workplace Conflict Series 1/3)

There is always that one person you work with whose job is to make everybody’s life just a little more difficult.  They show nuanced passive-aggressiveness by hinting at what they dislike instead of having clear communication, they take credit for wins they have not contributed to, they dole out blame unfairly, they provide misleading or incomplete information to make your work more cumbersome than it has to be.  They can also display their difficulty in more obvious ways – raising their voices, ridiculing, complaining, and showing an overall foul attitude.  This person may behave this way either because they are unaware of their actions or because they know exactly what they are doing and simply do not care or cannot control it.  Do you know who I am talking about? 

If you find yourself working with somebody who is making your job more stressful and you do not have the power to separate from that person, there are still actions you can take to ameliorate the situation.

It all begins with a clear conversation to increase understanding.  Here are helpful tips when approaching your discussion:

1. Assume you do not know instead of jumping to conclusions.  Management Professor at Babson College Allan Cohen says that it is human nature to make assumptions about other people’s motives, even when we lack real evidence.  It is how our brains work, but this shortcut does not always lead to the right conclusions. Instead of assuming that somebody is trying to make your life more arduous, you can ask: “I don’t know what is going on, but whatever it is, would you like to figure it out together?” “I noticed when I share my opinion, you talk over me, and I’m unable to finish my thoughts, I’d love to learn more about that behavior and how we can work together more effectively.”  When you are curious and sincere, you can uncover information for the best resolution.

2. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.  It is usually true that each person will think the other is being a jerk and that they are trying to hurt, embarrass, or upset one another. But what if this was not true?  In that case, it is best to apply curiosity and turn the discussion into a learning conversation so you can get to the root of the behavior.  When you assume the best intentions, you are more likely to approach the situation with an open mind and be receptive to the information for real change to occur. There is something important about entering a conversation and putting aside your frustrations and emotions at the moment to think about how you can serve the other person while also handling yourself well.

3. Understand the person’s motives. Asking empowering questions can help you understand your teammates’ motives so you know how to work best with them.  Questions such as, what else is going on for you right now or what is motivating you, can be illuminating.  When you inquire about their interests, motivations, and priorities, you get a better sense of their perspective and can learn about what causes their behavior and how you can work with their style and intentions.

4. Label the person’s behavior.  Neil Rackman, President of Huthwaite Inc. examined the difference between an expert and an average negotiator and found that experts are more likely to label other people’s behavior and confirm their understanding.  If somebody starts yelling during the conversation, you can take a step back and call out their behavior. “It seems like yelling is one of your favorite motivational strategies.  Do you think that is going to be effective here?”  This approach puts them in a logical frame of mind so they can recognize the behavior and adjust.  You can also take a break by saying, “It seems like we may need a minute (in a calm, monotone voice), I’m going to get a cup of coffee, would you like one?” Taking those few minutes will allow each of you to regroup and reenter the conversation in a more productive way.

5. Adjust your expectations.  It can be helpful to know that sometimes people are not going to behave well either because they are having a bad day or maybe they have never been given the tools to learn how to handle themselves well in a professional context or as human begins in general.  For whatever reason people do not show up as their best selves or maybe their best is not good enough, it is helpful to adjust your expectations.  You cannot assume that somebody has the same experience, tools, training to handle situations well or in the way that you would. 

6. Provide choice.  If you find yourself in a tough conflict, you can offer a choice by saying the following, “We arrived at this moment because we may have had different expectations, and now that we have run into the issue, here are some options I can think of to resolve the dilemma, which one do you think is best?”  When you present them with a series of options that you are comfortable with, you give them some control over the process and it makes a difference because people love choices. 

The key to dealing with conflict on the team is to retrace the steps to see how you got here, see each other’s perspective, build understanding, and move forward together on a more productive note.  When you are curious and approach people positively, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Quote of the day: “Show respect even to people that don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.” – Author Dave Willis

Q: How have you handled a tough teammate?  What’s your favorite strategy for achieving peace with them? Comment and share below; we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with people to have difficult conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

[The next blog in this series 2/3 will focus on dealing with a difficult boss]

How do you handle a difficult teammate?

Top 6 Ways to Brainstorm (Brainstorming 2/2)

In the last article, I wrote about how adding guidelines can improve the process of brainstorming, however, there are many different types of brainstorming. Let’s explore six popular ways to spark creativity on your team.

1. Brain Writing. Start by giving people time to think and work alone by writing down all of their ideas.  Then come together as a group and each person shares one idea at a time. When you separate the individual idea generation stage from the group discussion phrase, it allows for many more initial possibilities. You can then narrow down your selections by detecting the overlapping themes and building on these smaller and more concentrated concepts in greater detail.

2. 6-3-5 method. In this approach developed by Bernd Rohrbach in the 60s, six people sit around a table and pass their three ideas to the person on the right who builds on them.  This passing is done five times (or more) until everybody has had time to add to each idea.  They then get together and evaluate and search for commonalities.  This method is successful because it slows down the creative process since it gives everybody in the room adequate time to generate and strengthen before moving on to the evaluation phase.  It also prevents those who want to rush into solution mode because they are uncomfortable with uncertainty.

3. Round Robin Brainstorming. After each person has prepared something to share, the facilitator will go around the table requesting one idea from each person.  The job of the facilitator is to ensure an orderly process so everybody has a chance to talk and nobody evaluates the ideas until all have the opportunity to share.  This approach can be useful when team members have a tendency to stay quiet.  It also provides additional control for those who want to start analyzing the first few ideas before seeing the whole menu presented, they will have to wait until everybody has offered something.

4. Nominal Group Technique. Is a structured method for group brainstorming that can illicit creative answers to specific problems. Team members begin by writing down their ideas, then selecting which ones they feel are best. Once they are ready, everyone presents their favorite idea persuasively and then discussed and evaluated thoroughly. The group can take a simple vote for the ideas that they want to prioritize to further develop.

5. Sentence Stems. These include a series of prompts to get the discussion started.  For example, “we can cut our costs 10% by…?”  “We can become #1 in our space by…?”  Researchers at Google, Facebook, and IDEO have come up with a powerful three-word sentence starter – “How Might We…?” Each word is deliberately chosen, the HOW encourages detailed description, the MIGHT allows for freedom and creativity and the WE invites anybody to participate.  According to Duane Bray, the Head of Talent at IDEO, “How Might We” questions are so effective because they “allow clients to mentally reset and reframe a problem as an opportunity.”

6. Sketch Storming. This is the combination of drawing and writing to visually present your ideas.   Some concepts can be too abstract and difficult to describe in words so using diagrams and drawings can be helpful.  The depictions may even illicit multiple interpretations and fun, creative offshoots.

Whichever method you choose, the key is creating an environment of psychological safety so people can be encouraged to take risks in their thinking and silliness. You can choose to start with a fun warmup game.  Management Professor Leigh Thompson conducted a study on this subject and found that groups who shared funny or embarrassing stories about themselves came up with 26% more ideas and were 15% more creative than the groups who did not.

The best creative groups are not just the sum of their parts, but the totality of their experiences. When you can effectively implement methods that elicit people’s best, ideas blossom. 

Quote of the Day: “Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainty” -Erich Fromm

Q: What’s your favorite brainstorming technique? Comment and share below, we would be overjoyed to hear from you!

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to facilitate processes for brainstorming & creativity. Contact me to learn more.

Which brainstorming methods yield the greatest results?

Teams Who Break Bread Together, Bond (Team Series 8/10)

How often does your team eat together?  This simple yet powerful act can have a myriad of positive benefits.  

Research by Professor Kevin Kniffin of Cornell University found how extraordinary meaningful eating together can be.  One study looked at firefighters who engaged in Commensality – preparing and eating food together – and it showed that those who ate together did their jobs better.  In some cases, there is a lot of cooperative behavior that underline meal practice - collecting money, planning, talking, cleaning, and eating - all enhance group performance on the job.  In fact, cooperative behavior was twice as high for those who ate together versus those who did not.  Even those who did not contribute money for the meals still went in on the experience as they brought their food to eat with the others.  Eating together is essential for making the team more effective because it makes a group feel like a kind of family and creates bonds beyond the job. 

You can see this also happening in the sports arena.  Spurs legendary basketball Coach Gregg Popovich, who has the most wins in NBA history, knows all about building a strong team culture.  The Spurs eat together as often as they play basketball with a high number of team, group, and coach dinners.  As a food connoisseur, Popovich plans the restaurants and meals carefully, and at the end of the season, each player gets a leather-bound book containing the menus and wine labels from every dinner.  It’s a bonding experience that each player remembers long after the event.  

Companies would do well investing in how employees eat at work.  Google offers free high quality abundantly varied meals, which increases the odds that teammates will eat with each other and build further connections. While it is unrealistic to think that every company can provide meals, some simple things can be done to encourage your team or organizational members to break bread together more frequently.

Here are some practices you can use to encourage more team mingling:

1. Lunch roulette.  This is a great way to foster in-company networking.  It is currently being employed at Boehringer Ingelheim.  It works in four simple steps.  Participants select a date when they are free for lunch and choose one of the company cafeterias in which to travel.  They then click a “Match Me” button, and a lunch date and calendar reminder are emailed to their mailboxes.  After that, all they need to do is show up with an open mind and a willingness to connect.  Within seven weeks of the program, more than 350 people were matched, including a more unusual pairing of the CEO with a young member of one of the brand marketing teams.  It is a practical way of creating links where none had existed and exposing colleagues to different ideas and perspectives. Unexpected pairings and conversations for creative collaborations are always a welcomed surprise. And if you do not prefer to use an app to do these matchings, you can make the sign-ups electronically available as a google doc where people can add their names. If you are unable to meet in person, you can arrange a zoom lunch and create connections even while physically distanced.

2. Lunch and learn.  Similar to lunch roulette, but combines a more formal learning and socializing approach. You write down three things you would be interested in sharing and three things you would like to learn.  Partners are made based on mutual interest.  It is a great informal way of building cross-functional engagement and connecting with people who work in different departments that you do not get that much personal time to interact. This helps to create greater bonds and connect with people outside your immediate team.  Other than one-on-ones, you can also choose to have a small group gathering to amplify the learning experience.

When you dedicate time to get to know others and eat food together, you are creating special moments.  You may find yourself talking about meaningful personal topics that keep you connected to others in unbreakable ways. Additionally, that positive energy transfers into the work world as there is a significant correlation between eating together and positive performance.

Quote of the day: “First we eat, then we do everything else.” -Writer M.F.K Fisher

Q: What food practices do you have to spend better quality time with others? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

*The next blog in this team series 9/10 will explore the importance of rituals for teams.

As a Leadership Development & Team Coach, I offer teambuilding seminars & coaching Contact me to learn more.

The power of community through meal sharing

Collective Intelligence is the Goal (Team Series 7/10)

Your team is filled with highly talented individuals, yet you are not getting desired results.  How do you get your all-stars to contribute to something larger than themselves to produce excellence?

In 2008, a group of psychologists from Carnegie Mellon and MIT wondered what made teams consistently better?  The answer – harnessing the power of collective intelligence or the coming together of people to share their knowledge and insights.  Michael Silverman, MD of Silverman Research, defines collective intelligence as “something that emerges from a group that is distinct from the smarts of any single member.” 

They concluded that two factors go into fostering collective intelligence.

1. Have equal distribution of conversation.  When you have all people speak for roughly the same amount of time during a meeting, you have the presence of what researchers call “equality in distribution of conversational turn-taking.”  Whether people are speaking a little bit on each of the meeting tasks or more on one or two of them, as long as the balance sheet shows roughly the same amount of air time, collective intelligence can be reached.  Anita Woolley, the study’s lead author offered, “As long as everyone got a chance to talk, the team did well.  If only one person or a small group spoke all the time, the collective intelligence declined.”

Executive Producer Lorne Michaels of Saturday Night Live, one of the longest-running and most successful shows on tv abides by two rules related to participation: give everyone a voice, and force people to listen to each other. Michaels will often keep a sheet of paper during a meeting, and make a note each time someone speaks.  He will not end the session until others talk an approximately equal number of times.  He sees his job as protecting people’s distinct voices and getting them to work together productively.

2. Foster high social sensitivity within the group.  This is a fancy way of saying that people are skilled at reading the room.  Teammates can intuit how other members felt based on non-verbal cues – body language, tone of voice, facial expressions.  Members took into account what was said and unsaid and were sensitive to all those thoughts and emotions. So, how do these behaviors of being more attuned to others emerge?  In a New York Times article where Author Charles Duhigg writes about effective teams, he answers the question by saying, “The right norms – those small habits, unwritten rules, and mutually agreed-upon ways of treating one another - could raise a group’s collective intelligence, whereas the wrong norms could hobble a team, even if, individually, all the members were exceptionally bright.”  One recommendation by the Kellogg Insight would be to have more women on the team because they tend to be more socially perceptive.

When you set up the systems for all people to share openly and to really listen to each other, marvelous things can happen.  It has been shown that the quantity of ideas is where a lot of innovation stems, so nudging all your participants to get involved can advance your team’s creative purposes.

Quote: “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.”- Peter F. Drucker

Q: How do you ensure that each member is contributing equally?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear.

*The next blog in this team series 8/10 will cover the importance of eating together for teambuilding.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to facilitate the creation of norms and agreements for the best performance. Contact me to learn more.

Harness the power of the group for the most excellent results

5 Ways To Spark Full Team Participation (Team Series 6/10)

How do you encourage active participation from your team? 

Perhaps, you have an important decision to make and you want to get a lot of quality input in pursuit of the strongest solution.  So… you prepare the room, invite the key participants, and get ready to receive an abundant amount of ideas from every team member.  What you actually get instead is a group of mainly silent observers with a few dominant voices.  Indeed, it can be a challenge to get the very best from the group if there is not 100% participation.

Here are techniques you can use to encourage full participation:  

1. Call on quiet people.  Let people know in advance of the meeting that you value their opinion and want to include their voices so you would like to find ways to include them.  When you call on them it is because you are merely eager to hear their thoughts to reach the best decision possible.  This can have the intended effect of creating a safe space where they do not feel singled out and are more interested to share. To work with the style of introverts, you can give them some additional time to write their ideas first.

2. Use a default guideline, such as “silence denotes agreement.”  Author Bob Frisch talks about a common problem in meetings, which is when a potential new plan is discussed and when asked if anybody objects or has concerns, nobody says anything.  So the leader mistakenly assumes that everybody is on board.  A few days go by and some people begin to offer doubts, even though they had those same reservations at the time of the meeting.  To address this challenge, he recommends setting a key ground rule – silence means agreement.  This would prompt more people to open up; otherwise, it is safe to say that if they do not share, it is because they agree.  It is important to note that in a psychologically safe environment, people usually feel comfortable and empowered to contribute.  If this necessary condition is not present, there are other things that can be done to include people’s voices, but it is a temporary fix because psychological safety is an essential ingredient for long-term team success. 

3. Take anonymous polls.  People can write down their questions or concerns and deposit them in a box to be read aloud. They can also use polling websites that would allow them to submit their responses anonymously and have their answers projected for all to see in real-time.  A benefit is that potential problems can be aired for those people who may not want to speak up and possibly be seen as a naysayer.  This technique should be used sparingly because you want to try and have as much open discussion as possible, which is what you get in psychologically safe teams. 

4. Have small group discussions.  People are more likely to participate when they are just talking to one or two others.  After the time is allotted for them to flesh out their thoughts, each group can have a representative to report on the ideas or challenges.  This is also a great way to get introverts involved because it creates a more comfortable space to share.

5. Use empathy to elicit more voices.  Bob Frisch mentioned how people are more likely to speak up on others' behalf than their own.  A question, such as “what objections or concerns might your direct reports or other teams have,” can prompt additional participation.  This distance will allow them to share other people’s possible perspectives that may not have been offered if it was coming directly from them.

Each person on your team plays a vital part.  By not getting them involved, you are neglecting essential resources.  While there is no set way to encourage participation because it is a matter of doing what fits with your team and culture, building phycological safety and having communication norms will go a long way for creating excellence in teams.

Quote of the day: “Not all who are silent do not want to talk.” -Author Debasish Mridha

Q: What’s the best method you use to prompt somebody’s participation? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

*The next blog in this team series 7/10 will jump into the goal of achieving collective intelligence.

Full team participation can lead to your greatest discoveries

Bring On The Healthy Team Conflict (Team Series 4/10)

The ways your team interacts with each other can tell you a lot about the wellbeing of the whole.  One of the healthiest signs of a great team is to have smooth communication, and the way to do that is to have agreements or interaction norms that allow you to define who you want to be together. 

When teams first form, there can be surface-level harmony until they have gone through different seasons and have encountered significant disagreements. At that crucial point, they can reach a favorable resolution in both process and outcomes and cross the threshold to having an authentic team relationship for excellent performance to occur, or they can reach an impasse and remain in the stormy stage where team bonding and results are harder to come by.

To better navigate the rocky stage that every team goes through, expect, and even invite, healthy conflict. 

There is nothing wrong with conflict, tension, and disagreement.  Some people can be so nervous about it that they choose not to engage in a messy back and forth process for the sake of perennial harmony.  This mentality has its limitations because building on other’s ideas only gives you incremental thinking.  Worse yet, Writer Walter Lippmann maintains, “where we all think alike, nobody thinks very much.”  In contrast, when we disagree with each other, we can see a variety of perspectives and shine a light on our blind spots or incomplete ways of thinking.  We need disagreement to improve the quality of ideas and expose the risk inherent in the plan.  Plus, honest and respectful conversations usually yields the best results.  The opposite - passive-aggressiveness, silence, or even insincere contributions can be destructive to a culture.

Author Liane Davey outlined three specific techniques to help embrace productive conflict: 

1. Clarify Roles.  By highlighting how different people’s jobs drive different agendas, it can lead to excellent outcomes. Liane provides an example relating to the sales and production teams being in the same room; the production team might want more standardization and efficiency, while the sales group might argue for the opposite – more flexibility and customization to meet individual client needs.  There is an inherent tension between prioritizing the product for consistent quality versus favoring the customer for optimal satisfaction but likely a hit to the budget.  This is an important step for alerting people that they are expected to argue and disagree because they have different instructions for what they are representing.  This helps to depersonalize things, and you can see how your coworker is not living their life with the sole aim to frustrate you; in fact, they are just doing their job.  Being on the same team means you all want the same big-picture result.  Normalizing the tension will free people to spar in a more empathetic way as they strive towards finding the best answer constructively. 

2. Use personality assessments.  This can highlight differences in what people are paying attention to.  Maybe you have one person’s style who is high on the conscientiousness trait with a keen eye for detail, and another that is high on the openness chart and prone to the macro view.  Knowing your team’s orientation can create balanced groups and lead to productive disagreements.  

3. Set ground rules around dissension.  Ask your team to define the behavior that contributes to productive conflict?  What kind of engagements can improve decision-making and trust, and what kind can detract from it? 

Some behaviors can include: 

·       Be kind:  Disagree with the idea respectfully, not the person. Ad hominem attacks and wild bursts of anger should not be a thing. 

·       Be open-minded:  Do not reject an opposing point immediately, but follow a one-minute rule (accept an idea for one minute before you try and find anything wrong with it).  Think about the possibility – what if I was wrong? How willing am I to change my mind?

·       Be brief:  This allows many ideas to be voiced.  It is also hard to tease out ideas if one person is dominating the whole time.

·       Stay on topic:  This enables each subject to be flushed out before moving to the next issue. Avoid the trap of allowing people to take the conversation in a variety of directions because then it will be really challenging to make progress on each matter.

This sample set of ground rules can create contained chaos and lead to productive conflict. 

While some teams choose to shy away from conflict, the best teams know how to invite healthy conflict because it makes the overall group much more effective.  When you clarify roles, use data to create diverse groups, and set ground rules for disagreements, you cultivate the conditions for the best results to emerge. 

Quote of the day: “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen” -Winston Churchill.

Q: How do you get your team to engage in merry conflict? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

*The next blog in this team series 5/10 will talk about the importance of universal agreements.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to resolve conflict in productive ways for peak performance. Contact me to learn more.

How do you encourage healthy team conflict?

It’s All About A Team-First Mentality (Team Series 3/10)

In today’s driven society, it is not uncommon for companies to have teams filled with talented, ambitious, opinionated people with large egos who want to advance in their careers.

The temptation for people to stand out from the crowd for recognition, promotion, bonuses, and office size looms ever large.  Internal competition creeps in and those company perks become ways to keep score.  The word team, unfortunately, exists in name, but not in practice because it becomes a collection of rivals who want to pursue individual achievement over group success.  If unchecked, these intergroup conflicts can have adverse rippling effects. 

So, how do you encourage your members to act as a team?  In short, form a community.  Phil Jackson said, “Good teams become great ones when the members trust each other enough to surrender the Me for the We.”  Do not just think about your team as a compilation of members who are working towards completing a job.  Instead, see them as much more -  a community that supports each other to be better than they think they can be as they march towards a common goal that they also personally care about.  Teams that act as communities do not have to be best friends and spend all their time together, but they have to know how to integrate their interests and put aside differences. 

The benefits of a community cannot be ignored.  Those who feel like they are part of a supportive network at work are more engaged, more productive, and are less likely to experience burnout.  The simple fact is that teams of people who subordinate individual agendas will always outperform teams that do not. 

Here are some ways you can build community:

1. Understand your role as contributing to the greater good.  Numerous examples can be found in sports.  Shane Battier is known as a no-stats All-Star in basketball, he never scored a lot of points or got a lot of rebounds, but he made his teammates more effective and the opposing team less so.  His team was more likely to win with him in the game and was part of two NBA championships. He knew exactly what his role was, which was not to be the best small forward in the league by merely chasing stats but to do whatever he had to do to be the best for his team, even if it was in a set-up role that did not allow him to accumulate impressive stats.   

Similarly, in 2015, co-captain Abby Wambach, considered to be one of the most successful soccer players -  2x gold medalist and all-time top goal scorer of 184 - spent most of the World Cup on the bench.  She was called upon as a substitute only in the late stages of some games.  She shared how she did not let that discourage her, she always found ways to lead from the sidelines and champion her teammates because that is what was called for.  To win a game, it requires a coordinated effort on and off the field and she always found ways to uniquely contribute wherever she was standing.

2. Share credit.  This is a vital part of being on a team.  Author A.J. Jacobs shared a story about Jonas Salk taking sole credit for coming up with a polio vaccine and when given a chance, did not acknowledge any of his collaborators and predecessors who helped along the way.  Psychologists call this failure to recognize and thank collaboratives the responsibility or self-serving bias.  It is a pitfall that we should all avoid since it causes a lot of pain and resentment among other people.  So, how do you fight against the natural tendency of each member to exaggerate his/her contribution relative to the influence of other teammates?  Choose to elevate and reward cooperation, as well as individual achievement. Encouraging teammates to help each other thrive should garner just as much, if not more recognition. When you consistently catch people doing great things like mentoring others or pitching in on teammates’ projects, that should be valued and rewarded. This gesture clearly communicates the emphasis your culture places on teamwork.

Author and Startup Investor Fran Hauser offers some easy strategies to share credit for team success and to provide appreciation.  When you have a team win, you can do the following, depending on what you think the recipient would most enjoy:

·      Send an email to that person’s boss and CC your coworker.

·      Call out a coworker’s “good job” at a meeting - have the person stand up while everybody else claps.

·      Take a colleague out to lunch to celebrate teaming up on a job well done.

·      Treat a colleague to a small gift card at their favorite store for helping you.

·      Send the person a morning text letting them know you got them a Starbucks coffee if you know they get a latte every morning.

·      Write a handwritten note mentioning their specific contributions that made the team successful.

If a supervisor accidentally credits you with a good idea, you can interject to set the record straight by letting your boss know it was your coworker who came up with that idea.  If somebody has told you an idea in private and you are passing it along in front of a crowd, be sure to mention the source and your information. When you spread the credit, you pass along the love, trust, and pride in the team

3. Contribute as a problem-solver.  Being a part of a community involves having a collective mindset.  Going to a meeting and pitching in on solving a problem, even if it does not relate to you directly because you are invested in the group’s outcome.  It is also about taking ownership of the group’s success.  When you complain, think about it as if you are griping against yourself so instead of spreading negativity, what are 1-2 possible solutions you can offer that goes along with your constructive critique?

While you may not get the chance to choose your colleagues, you can always take steps to improve the dynamic. Simple gestures about asking about people’s days, sending an email letting them know you appreciate their work, and genuinely listening to others can make all the difference in feeling like a community.

“Ego is the ultimate killer on a team,” said Management Guru Patrick Lencioni.  One way to subdue the dominance of the ego is to encourage people to feel like they belong to a community where they enjoy numerous collective benefits when operating together more than they can ever experience individually.

Quote of the day: “Great things in business are never done by one person; they are done by a team of people.” — Steve Jobs

Question of the day:  How do you like experiencing a sense of belonging?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this team series 4/10 will explore the importance of healthy conflict.

As a Leadership Development & Executive Coach, I work with teams to build community for peak performance. Contact me to learn more.

What can you build with a team-first mentality?

4 Common Delegation Maladies To Avoid (Delegation Series 4/4)

When delegation is done right, it is a glorious occurrence.  You can feel proud in supporting your teammate to be successful while also advancing the goals of your organization and spending time doing your most important work.  When it is done wrong, it can leave you embittered and reluctant from parting with important future tasks.  Let’s look at some ways delegation can go sideways.

1. Reverse delegation.  This is when people try to give you back part of the work.  They may come to you and say they cannot find the information and expect you to jump in and rescue the day.  Instead of completing the work for them, you can point them in the right direction.  They need to navigate their hiccups so they can develop problem-solving skills.  Ask the question – what do you think we should do in this situation, and watch their creativity come alive.

2. Over delegation.  Giving your team member a task that far outweighs their capacity would translate into more of a frustration than a learning opportunity.  To decide if the job is right for the person, you can ask these questions:

1. Did I provide the necessary resources?

2. Was I clear in outlining success?

3. Did I ask for feedback and consider input? 

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then it may be a case of over delegation.

3. Too hands-off.  Some managers delegate a task and then walk away.  It is important to stay involved while letting the employee lead the way. Carol Walker, President of Prepared to Lead offers, “While you don’t want to tell people how to do the job, you must be in a position to evaluate their performance and development.”  Clearly, delegation is not the same as abdication so be sure to guide their success. 

4. Lack of clarity. You may feel that once you have shared your assignment to be done that the person heard it in the exact way that you intended.  Brene Brown, in her book Dare to Lead, suggests an effective method for reaching a meeting of the minds by using the simple phrase, “Paint done for me.” This prompts the person to be specific in their expectations and clear in their intentions.  She says, “it gives the people who are charged with the task tons of color and context and fosters curiosity, learning, collaboration, reality-checking, and ultimately success.”   I recommend using this language in the co-creation phase, which was outlined in the second blog of this delegation series. 

Quote of the day: “The inability to delegate is one of the biggest problems I see with managers at all levels.”  – Eli Broad, entrepreneur

Q: What is one delegation challenge you faced in working with a teammate? How would you tackle that same challenge next time? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them delegate more effectively, contact me to explore this topic further.

Avoid Reverse Delegation

The Subtle Art Of Masterful Delegation (Delegation Series 2/4)

So, you have just made the all-important decision to remove something from your plate and assign it to your team.  Reviewing these steps can make a difference between a successful and rewarding endeavor versus a disastrous outcome. 

Here are some necessary actions to consider in the delegation process:

1. Plan. It is essential to think through what has to be done. Many problems in management deal with taking action without thinking and preparing. The old saying, “A stitch in time saves nine” is echoed by Brian Tracy as he maintains that every minute spent in planning saves 10-12 minutes in execution.  A good start is to write out the goals, objectives, results, standards, deadlines, and a general checklist.

A second step can be to do some of the initial planning work yourself because you will have a much better idea of what the job entails before you pass it off to the next person. If it is the situation where you have been given this task from your boss but only been given partial information yourself, do the best with what you have and be clear with your direct report about the limited information you are working with so you can combine forces and fill in the gaps. The key is to spend some time on the WHAT it is that needs to be done and the vision of success, while offering flexibility in the HOW or the approach to the work. Invite your direct report to create a first draft plan of their approach to ensure you are on the same page in how you are thinking about the work before dedicating massive execution hours.

2. Choose the right person.  Ask yourself, does this person have the ability, readiness/attitude, and time to get the job done.  Have they demonstrated competence in previous projects? Do they have the motivation to learn? Believe it or not, busy people can sometimes be the best choice.  Tracy Dumas, Associate Professor of Management and Human Resources ran a study that showed that people were more productive and focused when they had a lot on their plates.  We tend to respect the limited time we have and make careful choices in how we spend our precious moments.  It is good to tell your team member why you chose him/her specifically, and how you hope to help him/her grow in this opportunity to take on more responsibilities. Will they benefit by doing these budget reports because they will have a greater understanding of how other departments work and can practice presenting dry data in an interesting way? Do not force a wrong fit, if the job is simply well beyond their scope and they do not have the right attitude and skill to approach it, the outcome will likely be disastrous. You can ask them how eager they are to take it on so you can also gauge fit.  People may be highly capable, but if they abhor the task, they may drag their feet in meeting deliverables.

3. Be crystal clear in goals, objectives, results, and standards as you co-create success.

A. Share your goals and objectives. Describe the job to be done (goals), the objectives to measure progress, and the date you need the work completed.  When people know exactly what is expected of them, their productivity increases and their self-esteem grows. In contrast, with ineffective, fuzzy, or vague delegation, it can cause confusion that can lead to poor performance and irritability where they are spending more time doing other activities and less time producing the work that needs to be done. While it may be the case that the job to be done is brand new territory that both of you are exploring, you can still be on the same page on the general direction you are headed, and then make adjustments as your destination nears.  It is like embarking on a road trip out of NY and heading towards California, sure you may not know if you will end up in San Diego or LA or even detour to Austin, but having that general spot in mind will still provide a lot of early momentum and greater clarity as you cruise. When you take action and gain more insights, you can steer in a more precise direction.

B. Determine your key results and set standards. The hallmark of a successful manager is an intense results-oriented approach. While people can be spending a lot of time doing work, it should not be confused with getting results.  As the Pareto Principle goes, 80% of the value people produce will come from 20% of the activity they do.  “The very worse use of time is to do very well what need not be done at all,” says Management Consultant Ben Trigo. Sure, it is possible that employees can learn much about increasing the customer experience, but if their efforts do not manifest into the goal of achieving a 5% increase in satisfaction, it is considered unsuccessful.  Additionally, having a shared understanding of standards of excellence is essential because you could have two different ideas on how an outcome may look.  To avoid confusion, you can paint your picture of success with as much vivid imagery as you can so you both know what needs to be done.

C. Co-create success.  As you are discussing the above criteria, it should be a two-way street. The direct reports should be weighing in on the process and timelines.  Managers should invite them to ask questions, share concerns, and make suggestions. Towards the end of the meeting, have the person repeat back the assignment because there is a chance that they may have either missed part of the discussion or simply misunderstood.  Now is the time to catch the error.  See yourself as a teacher, be patient, and field questions.  It is during this process where you might be able to uncover where the employee is uncomfortable and what resources can be used for support.

4. Utilize these helpful management techniques:

A. Set check-ins. During this time, you can provide guidance on the project and regularly evaluate and compare the results agreed upon.  If they did not complete a task, you could drop them an email to ask how it is going, instead of taking an accusatory approach, e.g., “you were supposed to have that report already.”

What is the frequency of the check-in? It is better to have more early on to make sure the project starts successfully and then once you are completely aligned, fewer check-ins are necessary. Will the check-ins be in person or through email? Does the direct report know they should initiate the email? Are there key questions you want to be answered, such as what progress have you made since the last check-in, what roadblocks have you encountered, and how can I support you? When you discuss the check-in process upfront, it does not seem like you are overbearing and that you are checking up on the person, but that you are putting in a loose structure that will allow you to connect intentionally and keep the project on track.

As a leader, it can be helpful to adjust your cadence for check-in based on a couple of factors. The first variable relates to your team members’ level of experience and track record of success. If you have a seasoned member that has successfully done this kind of work before, you may opt for less frequent check-ins. On the other hand, if you have a team member who has never done something like this before, you might want to explain your rationale for more frequent check-ins, such as “I know this is new for you so I may check in more regularly than I normally would so I can offer the necessary supports and help you be set up for success, how does that work for you?” Another factor relates to the visibility of the project. If it is just an internal assignment with limited risk, you may dial down your check-ins. However, if the project suddenly has the eyes of senior leadership and is deemed highly important, you may want to dial up the check-ins. Be sure to explain your thinking to your team member, something like, “this has grabbed the attention of the senior leaders, I may increase my check-ins to help make this a success. You can also adjust as you go, if great progress is being made, you can let them know that you will decrease the check-in because they are fully driving the project and you have faith in their decisions.

B. Establish a Disaster Plan. Nobody likes to think about a project failing, but we can better guard against it when we do. What’s your plan if something goes wrong? Say a client changes the requirements at the last minute, or a timeline gets dramatically moved, or your key players helping you with the project are out sick for some time; how will you handle the work then? You do not have to have all the answers at this point, but it is helpful to start that dialogue. Your tendency as a leader may be to jump in and rescue, but you want to think about how you will help that team member develop the capacity to handle the complexity themselves and enlist your support if needed.

C. Provide feedback and encouragement. It is important to give regular feedback. Be sure to notice the good work they have been doing and share your appreciation. Practice positive, authentic expectations – “I know you will do a great job,” “I have complete confidence in you.” “I really like the way you handled that potential problem by consulting Dan, you show great initiative.” You can also offer public praise in your meetings by mentioning the successful milestones the person is completing.

D. Empower autonomy and problem-solving.  Give people the freedom to accomplish the job as they will be judged on their results and not a fixed way of getting them. If they run into a problem,  encourage them to try and solve it so they can learn, make mistakes, and figure out how to correct them.  It is helpful to get them thinking about what resources they have at their disposal to explore before coming to you? If they are evaluating three options, have them prepare a “recommendation report” where they lay out the pros and cons of each option, their recommendation, and their rationale for their choice. This approach will help them with problem-solving skills in gaining clarity, being resourceful, and presenting their options concisely.

E. Reflect. Afterward, take time to individually review and assess the outcome so you too can learn from your mistakes. Ask yourself how you can tweak your approach for next time. Can you delegate more involved tasks? Should you give them more freedom? Do you need to monitor progress more closely? You can ask the direct report for feedback as well, such as “what part of the delegation process was most helpful? What would be something I do differently to better support you?”

If the job went well, give ample public recognition and praise because when it is broadcasted in front of their peers, it has twice the motivational power.  Remember to be patient with yourself while you practice the skill of delegation.  You are going from the mindset of doing everything yourself to letting other people learn and while it may be bumpy at first, the payoff can be massive.

If you are feeling overworked and also know that there is more your team can be doing, it is the perfect time to delegate more!  By taking the proper steps of planning, choosing the right people, and co-creating objectives and results, you will experience greater collective success and not only ready yourself for more responsibilities but fulfill your most important role as a manager which is to grow the abilities of others.

Quote of the day: “When you delegate tasks, you create followers. When you delegate authority, you create leaders.”– Craig Groeschel, founder of Life Church

Q: What works best for you when you decide to delegate? Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

The next blog in this series 3/4 will focus on 5 common delegation misconceptions.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to help them delegate more effectively, contact me to explore this topic further.

Delegation requires trust

You Survived A Difficult Conversation, What’s Next? (Difficult Conversations Series 4/4)

Planning to have a difficult conversation can be all-consuming that we usually do not think about the aftermath, and what’s needed to maintain the relationship and minimize the potential awkwardness.

Here are some steps you can take following a difficult conversation:

1. Acknowledge the conversation. When you see your coworker, you can say, “I really appreciated the way we handled that tough talk yesterday and am looking forward to working more powerfully with you!”  You can even check in with the other person. “Just wanted to see how you were feeling about our exchange yesterday?”  “Your relationship is important to me and I am happy we had that talk.”

2. Focus on the positive. You can try this, “I love the way we came together to identify a touchy issue.”  You can thank them for engaging in the talk so they feel valued and appreciated.

3. Progress the conversation. Send a follow-up email to summarize the discussion and focus on the outcome that you want.  Clear next steps create significant momentum.  Also, having a written record tracks any differences in memory, perspective, and understanding and can also prioritize accuracy when new information comes to light. 

4. Focus on building the long-term relationship.  Pay attention to building a relationship outside the challenging conversation. What other topics can you explore together that will unearth new commonalities in which to solidify your bond?  The executive decisions that went into season 8 of Game of Thrones is always a scintillating topic guaranteed to yield great discussions.

5. Do it again if necessary. Upon reflection, if you feel like you have something new to share, do not wait to broach the topic. There is no harm in going back and saying something like “I feel I did not get the chance to really explain my point of view. Do you have some time so I can articulate it better?” Of course, that will probably lead to a reply, and thus to a new awkward conversation, but since you have the experience so that will not be a problem anymore.

In every relationship, there is the potential to encounter a massive challenge that can either solidify or break the bond. Choosing to communicate effectively and taking the necessary relationship-building steps after the difficult conversation can go a long way in reaching the next level in your interactions.

Quote of the day: “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”  -Dorothy Nevill

Q: What is one thing you did after a tough conversation to restore your relationship?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear from you!

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

The aftermath of a conversation

The DOs and DON’Ts of Effective Communication (Difficult Conversations Series 3/4)

Communication is a delicate art because there is a balance between expressing yourself effectively and sharing how you fully feel, while also not offending the other person and turning them away.  When deep understanding happens, it is a beautiful thing.  Even when there is no agreement, as long as there is shared meaning and mutual respect, it is quite a good feeling.

Here are some common things to avoid, which will help to promote a healthy exchange:

1. Do not wait too long. If we avoid the conversation for so long, our frustration can accumulate. Unexpressed feelings tend to fester and can reappear in the discussion in nasty and subtle ways.  It can also be hard for us to listen to the other side properly until we have said our peace. You may find yourself in a situation where you speak out against your boss on an agenda item that is not really so much about that issue, but more about the anger you are harboring for the past several months because you have been passed over for a promotion and don’t know why.

2. Avoid name-calling, blaming, and comparing. Saying somebody is a jerk is not helpful and when you choose to attack the person rather than stick to the ideas, it is a visible sign of an unhealthy exchange.  Saying somebody should be more like this person puts them down and makes them feel bad, which is not accomplishing anything.  If things heat up to an uncomfortable note, you can step away and resume at a later date so the distance can create more perspective.

3. Avoid extreme language. When you say, “you always” or “you never,” it raises their defensive walls and entrenches the characteristic to be more of a personality trait instead of a symptom of their action. A better option is to use safe language, such as, “when this happens, this is how it makes me feel.”

4. Do not judge. By saying, “that is wrong,” you are implying a moral judgment.  Instead, Author Marshall Rosenberg, the author of Nonviolent Communications, suggests that offering an observation is more powerful.  If somebody cuts you off when you are speaking, you should not say, “you are rude” because it is laced with judgment, instead, you can say, “when you interrupt me, it is hard for me to get my point across,” or “when you interrupt me, I feel as if you do not want to hear my thoughts.”

5. Do not assume. It is so common to come to a conversation with a story in your mind. My teammate does not care about my project because he/she does not attend meetings. My boss does not care about my career because he/she has not given me a promotion yet. It is also common to assume we know the other person’s intentions based on our feelings.  If we are hurt, we think they hurt us on purpose. Impact does not equal intent. But when we take an approach with a conclusion set in our mind, we leave little room for dialogue and understanding to occur.  To have a productive conversation, be open to the fact that you may not know the whole story. 

6. Do not apologize for your feelings. By saying, “I feel so bad about sharing this or this is really hard for me to do,” you can take away the focus from the problem and towards your neediness.  

Here are some helpful reminders of what you can do in a conversation to yield the best results:

1. Prepare. Before going into the conversation, ask yourself some questions: What is your purpose for having the conversation? What would be an ideal outcome?  The best outcome is when it is a positive and productive one, such as to forge a better working relationship.  If the purpose is to demonstrate your superiority, such as, I’m going to tell this person how this should be done (because you are stroking your ego and not genuinely wanting to help the other person), you may want to choose a more useful purpose.

2. Check your insecurities first.  Examine the root cause of the frustration, perhaps it has more to do with you and less about the other person.  Maybe you notice that somebody is speaking up in a meeting and taking all the attention.  Is it really about other people not getting a chance to contribute or does it pertain more to your inability to hold a room the way that person can and the way you want to?  Think about what “buttons” of yours are being pushed?  Are you blowing the situation out of proportion?  Is a personal history of yours being triggered?  You can still have the conversation but you need to be honest about what baggage you are carrying that may not be productive. Aim to have an honest conversation with yourself first.

3. Be direct. When having a difficult conversation, be straightforward and get to the point. While it might seem like you are being too harsh diving right into the constructive critique, you are doing the other person a favor. Most of the time, the person you are talking to knows that a potentially challenging comment is coming, so rather than dancing around the subject, just get to it. When you are muddled in your delivery, it can prolong and even prevent a solution. 

4. Say AND not BUT. When the first half of your comments agree with the other person and then you use the word “but” as your transition, you lessen the value of everything that came before.  Instead, you can disagree by using the word AND because somebody does not have to be wrong for you to be right.  Two things can be happening at the same time.  For example, “I know you care about the team and feel overworked which is why you do not respond to emails frequently…” 

5. Be present. Sounds easy but we do not always do it because our attention often gets hijacked.  Research shows that our mind wonders 50% of the time, and when you add the dozens of texts and emails we receive, our focus gets that much harder.  Multitasking screams disrespect.  Instead, show them that you are actively listening by doing small things like making eye-contact and paraphrasing what they have said as it demonstrates your take on the situation and allows the person to correct the record and feel heard.

A conversation can be a delicate dance between offering, hearing, and mutually exploring. For the most effective and satisfying conversations, it may be helpful to avoid tactics such as namecalling and judging, while embracing more productive ones such as preparing and being aware of our own assumptions.

Quote of the day: “Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.”  -Margaret Wheatley

Q: What other suggestions can you add to enhance a conversation?  Comment and share with us, we would love to hear.

The next blog in this series 4/4 will focus on the aftermath of a difficult conversation.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

Let’s talk

Your Conversation Just Took A Downturn, Now What? (Difficult Conversations Series 2/4)

So, you have taken all the necessary precautions to have a conversation that you have long put off.  Just when you think that all your preparation is paying off, the conversation spirals out of control and it is devolving into unhealthy discourse.  Usually, it is when a person feels unsafe that they may resort to unproductive methods such as withholding information or forcing their ideas.  Rest assured, all hope is not lost.  If you determine that the person you are speaking to is reasonable, rational, and decent, there are a few things you can do to get it back on track. And if you determine the person is illogical or unreasonable, well, you can always run away.

It is helpful to spot these unproductive tactics that one can use in a conversation:

1. Use of violence. Author Kerry Patterson defines violence as “any verbal strategy that attempts to convince, compel, and control others to your point of view.” When you dominate the conversation, cut people off, overstate your opinions, or make demands, such as “you have to do this,” it is quite harmful.  These tactics violate the safe exchange of ideas because it is aiming to force meaning into the shared pool of understanding and prevents the other person from openly contributing; hence, a mutual agreement cannot be reached. Similarly, trying to get your way at any means necessary by name-calling, manipulating, or acting like you are the only one who has dignity is counterproductive.

2. Use of Silence. This is when a person decides to withhold information, mask their true meaning or withdraw from the conversation. A meeting of the minds cannot be reached if only one side is sharing.

3. Fixation on blame. Maybe you notice that the other person is trying to chronicle all the times when you were at fault and to blame.  It is one thing to cite previous examples to illustrate your point briefly, but it becomes fruitless when the person is hooked on the past and not interested in moving the dialogue forward.

4. Wanting the other person to be a mind reader. You can think to yourself, I just told the person I was overworked, that should have been a clear signal that they should not give me more work. It would be wonderful if we could all pick up on clues, but it is even more incredible when we can say what you mean, instead of dropping a hint and hoping they pick up on it. Being crystal clear is kind.

5. Track switching. This is what occurs when two people are not on the same page so they are talking past each other. You may broach the topic of lateness and the other person ignores it and brings up your inability to respond to emails in a timely manner. Now, there are two topics on the table, so it is essential to tackle them one at a time or progress will not be made.

When disruptive tactics are employed, here are some helpful techniques to make progress:

1. Label the behavior.  If the person is continually interrupting, say so, because it brings the issue to the forefront and raises it as a point of discussion.  They may not be aware that they are behaving in this manner and it is only when you name the dynamic that you notice, which could prompt them to stop.  Here are some examples…

·      If they go off track, you may say, “I see that when I am trying to hash out this issue, we keep returning to this other aspect.  How would you feel about finishing this one topic before moving on to another?”

·      “I notice when I try and share my view, you interrupt me and I cannot complete my thought.  Do you think we can speak in briefer time frames so we can finish our thoughts and hear the other person?”

·      “It seems like there is a real focus on blaming me.  It is not okay to only look at my contribution, but it is necessary to look at both sides of the issue.”

2. Prime. If the person is intent on being silent, it could be useful to keep the conversation going by encouraging them back into the talk by suggesting something you think they are feeling or pondering. When you prime or guess what they are thinking, it allows them an opportunity to respond.

·      You can say, “Are you thinking that the only way to do this is to …?”

3. Contrast. When you see the conversation going in an unhappy direction, you can use a contrast statement, which is a simple sharing of what you do not want to happen followed by what you want.  This will address the other person’s concerns and clarify the real purpose. Examples: 

·      “I do not want you to think that I am dissatisfied with your work, instead I value punctuality and want to work on that.”

·      “I know this is difficult and I do not want to upset you, rather, I want to partner in a more empowering way so we can be happy.”

4. Return to the common goal. If the conversation becomes heated, you can take a step back and remind each other that you are not enemies, but in fact on the same side.  Focus on the common goal you share.  For example:

·      You could say, “We both want this project to go well so we can get our bonuses and be proud of our work.”

·      “I do not want to argue, I want to find a way where both of us can get what we want.”

·      “I know we both genuinely care about making this client happy.”

5. Focus on problem-solving and the future. Maybe your coworker keeps returning to something that happened in the past and every time you shift the conversation forward, he/she rewinds.  You can focus on what you want to bring about, what you want to see, not what you have already seen. Here are examples:

·      “If we put our heads together, we can probably come up with a way to move past this.  Do you have any ideas?”

·      “The goal of this conversation is to work together more powerfully, what is the best way you think this can happen?”

·      “Clearly, you think this is unfair, so how can we fix this?”

To have a fruitful conversation, we need to do everything in our power to do our part in contributing to a positive outcome.  Using some of these techniques can go a long way in creating breakthrough understandings and deepening relationships to be more meaningful.   At the end of the day, if it does not work out as planned, it will not be because of a lack of conversational intelligence or effort on your part.

Quote of the day: “In conversation avoid the extremes of forwardness and reserve.” – John Byrom

Q: How has your communication style changed from when you were a kid?  Which technique did you unknowing use then, how about now?  Comment and share below, we would love to hear from you!

The next blogin this series 3/4 will focus on the DOs & DON’Ts of effective communication.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

Avoid ineffective communication

How To Have Difficult But Caring Conversations (Difficult Conversations Series 1/4)

Most people dread the difficult, challenging conversation that needs to happen. This could include giving unpleasant feedback, following up with your boss about a raise she/he said would happen, but has not, or confronting a teammate about their problematic performance and work habits.  If these situations are not handled with great care, it could not only explode in your face but also make the other person feel like their very competency and sense of worth are called into question.

It is natural to want to avoid these conversations because of the potential for things to go wrong. On the flip side, having the conversation can deliver a great sense of relief from the trepidation that fills our mind.  When we are constantly thinking about these delicate and intense exchanges, stress and negativity can consume our thoughts and distract us from our most important work. Instead of avoiding these moments, learning how to tackle them head-on can be one of the best ways to reduce your anxiety and even advance your career.

In his landmark book, Crucial Conversations, Kerry Patterson et al. defines a crucial conversation as a critical conversation when stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong so thought and care are required for the exchange.

If you plan on confronting somebody with an issue, here are some steps you can take to make it go as smoothly as possible:

1. Make an appointment.  Let the person know the nature of the talk so they can adequately prepare and not be thrown off and perhaps instinctually defensive.  A right moment for you does not mean the timing works for them as well.

2. Share your goal. It is critical to articulate your desired outcome.  Do you want to share how a comment that was made in a meeting impacted you? Maybe an ideal result could be to have that person stop speaking for you. Perhaps you noticed that the relationship had been soured and your goal is to return it to the way things used to be?  Clueing the other person in on your intention would ease their natural defense mechanism and you may even discover that you have a common goal in getting the project completed on time and doing an amazing job, even if you have different visions on how to get there.

The next few suggestions come from a model used in Crucial Conversations called STATE – State the facts, Tell the story, Ask for their perspective, Talk tentatively, and Encourage testing. 

3. State the facts. When you recount the specific things that happened, it lays the groundwork for all delicate situations because they see what went into you forming your conclusions.   For example:

·      When you do not show up for team meetings, do not deliver work on time, and do not share your opinions…

·      When I fail to get a payment from you for several weeks, and you do not respond to my emails…

4. Tell your story. These are the facts plus the conclusion. Once you have shared the facts, let them know how you arrived at your findings so they can fully understand your thought process. For example:

·      When you do not show up for team meetings, do not deliver work on time, and do not share your opinions… it seems as if you do not care about this project or are not putting in the same efforts as your teammates.

·      When I fail to get a payment from you for several weeks and you do not respond to my emails, I worry that you will never pay me.

5. Ask for their story. It is vital to get their take on the story so you have the full picture.  Do not assume you already know it so encourage them to share and listen thoroughly to what they have to say.  If true understanding is to happen and a resolution is to be reached, communication has to be a two-way street. Examples:

·      I’m probably not seeing the whole story, can you help me see what is going on or happening on your end?

·      I’m starting to think you may not care about this team, do you have another explanation? What am I missing?

When the other person is sharing, it is vital to listen with curiosity because valuable insight will be shared for you to navigate the conversation better and build a connection for greater understanding to take place.  When you can stand in their shoes and see their perspectives, you have a better chance of reaching an agreement and satisfying all needs.

6. Co-create success. It is always a good idea to engage your colleague in a problem-solving exercise to make the exchange more collaborative versus combative. Examples:

·      I hear you saying you are okay with this approach, but it looks as if maybe you still have some concerns, is that right, should we talk through them?

·      What outcomes are essential to both of us?  What constraints do we both have that we need to be aware of?  What is important to each of us that the other might not be aware of?

·      I hear you are concerned with getting certain people to leave this team to complete the project.  If we can get the right people, what can the campaign look like?

7. End with a thank you. These two words work in almost any situation, it creates closure in a difficult conversation.

The two other parts to Patterson’s STATE acronym include:

·      Talk tentatively. When you are convinced of the information and act in a forceful, dogmatic manner, you can invite unnecessary resistance.  In contrast, when you are tentative and more open in your approach, you can comfortably include the other person into the dialogue.  Examples can include: “This is my opinion…,” or “I’m thinking out loud here….”

·      Encourage testing. This approach is a way to draw out more of their response if you feel they are not sharing fully. Example: I’d like to take a stab at something here, I wonder if part of the reason why you do not submit your work on time is because you do not feel connected to the team or are not challenged by the work?

An effective conversation does not just include pure content, it is also about the way the information is presented and the intention to reconcile the difference in a caring and fair way.  The best approach to a satisfying outcome is to get as much information as you can so understanding can occur.  Indeed, a difficult conversation can be an opportunity for connection.

Question to consider: What is a constructive approach you have taken to handle a challenging conversation? We would love to hear your thoughts!

Quote of the day: “One good conversation can shift the direction of change forever.” –Linda Lambert

The next blog in this series 2/4 will focus on what happens when your difficult conversation detours.

As a leadership development and executive coach, I work with leaders to have courageous conversations, contact me to explore this topic further.

We need to talk…